I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us


I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!


If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com



If you are interested in active online community please find:

Fetlife.com


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More






Friday, May 11, 2012

Faces of Albuquerque: Community Leaders Part One


A few months back I got to thinking about what sorts of things that community leaders go through and think about. I was lucky enough to be able to email interview three of the people that organize and help make not just Albuquerque but New Mexico the amazing leather, fetish, poly, and kink community that it is.
The three people that I interviewed are:


Daddy Stan: Daddy Stan is a frequent workshop presenter at various events around the country, and was the 2010 recipient of the Pantheon of Leather: Rocky Mountain Regional Award. In addition, Stan works as a kink aware therapist, and has co-lead Alternative Erotic Lifestyles (AEL), an Albuquerque based pansexual organization, for the past 15 years. For information on AEL please contact aelmailing@gmail.com


Sera Miles: Sera Miles founded New Mexico FetLifers in November of 2008; by November of 2009, she had formed the inaugural board of directors, and the board was planning NMFL’s first conference, “Evolution of the Revolution”.  Sera delivered the opening keynote at Rio Grande Leather 2009; organizes Albuquerque’s annual event for the International Day to End Violence against Sex Workers; edited Nancy Ava Miller’s award-winning Pervert: Notes from the Sexual Underground; and has performed in numerous fetish videos.  For information on Sera please go to these sites:




Shelby Sue:  She has been hosting munches in Las Cruces, for 2 years and a few days, haha. As well as  co-leading the EPMG:TNG group since around October 2011 and helping with EPMG since around the same time. For information on Shelby Sue see her group information via fetlife:  https://fetlife.com/groups/16977





1)      What do you find to be the most complicated aspect of community leadership? 



Daddy Stan:   Keeping a just position in dealing with conflicted parties, and dealing with those wanting to force changes that could be damaging to the group. 


Sera Miles:  A lot of the more personal stuff--balancing work, family, friends, self, and community is a constant challenge. And, sometimes I struggle with not taking every comment a community member makes personally


Shelby Sue:  I find it hard, not so much for myself, but for some others, to reconcile the fact that I'm a submissive woman with the fact that I am the group leader, and I will, in fact, enforce my rules. That's difficult for me to swallow because in all other aspects of my life I'm very much an alpha personality, and while it doesn't make me less submissive, it makes me a bit of a dichotomy in some people's eyes. My submission has nothing to do with the well being, safety and comfort of those in the group I chose to start and continue to lead, and so I have to step up and take the responsibility that goes with the fun of having a group to be part of.




2)      What mistakes have you made that you still consider the most valuable?




Daddy Stan: The biggest lesson, and one that came early, was to learn when to keep your mouth shut. Too many leaders spend way too many hours engaging in gossip. I learned from the start that often the best thing that you can say is nothing at all. 



Sera Miles: The biggest mistake I think I've made is one I made at the outset of creating NMFL--well, it's an assumption I made. I really thought that b/c we are all adults, I could expect everyone to act responsibly, and I thought that by simply setting that expectation, I could mitigate problems. This led to me being reluctant to set down any rules, let alone strong ones. After several months, I saw that I had to set down some rules, and I did ... and then after many more months, I accepted that we had to create stiffer guidelines and penalties. Making these transitions was hard for me, b/c I emotionally wanted to hold on to my incorrect assumptions.
Still, though, I would say that the vast majority of people in the community are good people who don't want to hurt others, who want to follow the rules b/c they understand those rules keep us all safe. What I had to realize and fully accept was that being soft and kind was not going to change the behavior of the few.



Shelby Sue: In the beginning, when my group was still new and none of us quite knew what we were trying to accomplish down here I occasionally let certain people get away with not being respectful, with barking orders at females and being outright jerks because I couldn't find my own personal voice. There was a particular incident that ended with someone putting their hands on me in a not nice way. I wasn't damaged in any way, but it was my wake up call. It was time to step up and lead this group, take responsibility for everyone's well being, or turn it over to someone who would. I'm still grateful that no one else was in my shoes. I can handle knowing I set myself up for that situation, but it would have devastated me to know I put someone else in harm's way.



3)      If you could hear one compliment that would mean something to you from the community that you serve, what would it be? 




Daddy Stan: AEL has done so much to further the lifestyle in NM, and has given me a home that I can feel safe in.




Sera Miles:  The best compliment to me tends to be any variation on "thank you for being here."



Shelby Sue: I think it would bring absolute tears to my eyes to hear that I make this community better, in any way, for anyone. Gratitude is always amazing, but it's always been my goal to build on the community we have, to help it grow.



4) What advice would you give to someone looking to grow into a leadership role when it comes to the issue of dealing with conflict?





Daddy Stan: Learn to communicate in styles outside of your own. This way you will have a better chance of hearing, and being heard by the parties involved. Also, be willing to listen without a preconceived outcome, and always remember that you are far from omniscient.




Sera Miles: Don't take most of it personally. (I'd say "all of it," but frankly, it's impossible to be like teflon all the time.) Listen to all parties involved. Say as little as possible--to ensure that the people in conflict feel heard. Understand when resolution is and is not possible. Strive for being "OK" (as Max Rulz talks about with the "Family O'Kink") over every issue being worked out to some perfectionist ideal.



Shelby Sue: When dealing with conflict it's vitally important that you take your own personal feelings and desires out of the equation and look at the facts in regards to what is happening. Deal with your personal issues on a personal level, but always deal with your community as a professional, and realize that the group's or community's well being trumps your personal desires, and even those of your friends.




Thank you so much to Daddy Stan, Sera Miles, and Shelby Sue for your time and patience and answering my questions!!!
                                                                                                                                

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for this wonderful Blog! I loved reading the different retrospectives from three of the leaders of this community. I have so much respect for people who lead such a diverse and color - filled community. They are much braver than I am and I am amazed that they give so much of themselves into something that makes who we are and what we stand for a possibility. Thank you Master Bear for this blog, I look forward to reading more.
    ~Inspiral69

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  2. Thank you Wendy Jay:) I loved writing this piece, and talking with the leaders here. Everyone is so giving in their knowledge. that is what makes it so much fun, you ask a question and they will answer you!

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