Intentional Beauty The Magic + Ritual of Hair Braiding

Intentional Beauty

The Magic + Ritual of Hair Braiding

Saturday November 9   from 6-8 pm

$35 solo // $60 with a friend

Join us for a very special evening with vivacious guest instructor, Eve as she covers her favorite ways to bring a luscious sense of ritual into the practice of hair braiding. This relaxed evening class will include lots of hands-on learning as we practice weaving beauty and joy into our own locks and create personalized hair potions to enjoy at home. We will also practice invoking beauty through breath, color, and scent and learn to incorporate deep intention into our self-care routine--re-enchanting our lives and elevating the mundane to the sacred. Note // This class is trans inclusive and will address the needs of various ethnic hair types.
Email LaAbejaHerbs@gmal.com or call 512.423.7508 to reserve your space // Cash Only Tuition For This Class

Self Serve Flogging class

Hello  Everyone! 

 This Tuesday I will be teaching a flogging class at Self Serve for all levels. If you have never picked up  a flogger and need a place to start or If you have been  flogging for a whole and are looking for new ways to  experience  this type of play!

Everyone is welcome!
 
RSVP  through Self Serve Here:

http://selfservetoys.com/events/flogging

Entitlement versus boundaries

 What does it mean when someone’s sense of entitlement goes against your hard core boundary? The reason that I ask is because recently my slave went out with someone who used the N word in describing themselves and talking about their life.  (This person is not black.) When my slaves discomfort was noted they changed from saying the n word to using the words “the N word”. Although these words were not directed at my slave or used in connotation to her, using them in front of her is a hard and fast non negotiable no. 

So  I contacted the person and said that the use of the N word and the use of the words “the N word” are absolute boundaries and are not to be used in  my slaves or my presence again. Knowing that the other person was in the lifestyle and another dominant, I figured that understanding limits would not be a problem.

Afterwards the person wrote back and said that they did not mean to offend but because they were talking about their own life and not referring to my slave that it was okay. 

I replied back  saying that - no, it is not OK.

 Then I received from them a four paragraph email using the N word outright multiple times which, I am assuming, explaining why they felt they had every right to use the word. I say assuming because as soon as I saw the N word I didn’t bother reading it, and I blocked them from all of my correspondence as well   as my slaves.

I am still shaking my head when I think about it.  How interesting that this persons entitlement issues were more important than my boundaries and my slaves boundaries. This is what I believe this to be at the core of what happened here: this person’s sense of entitlement conflicted with our non-negotiable boundaries.

I think that some things are easy to look at and say “huh- fucked up”, but I also think that more often than not this can be harder to identify.

Many times entitlement that ignores boundaries is hidden in the web of relationships, intentions, and manipulation.  It is veiled in words of “I just wanted to push your boundaries, for you”,  “I did this because I love you”,  “if you loved me then you would do this”, "I am sorry you are offended, but this is my experience", "you are being to  sensitive",  "I was just joking",  among other choice and coined phrases that all boil down to the same thing. 

You being uncomfortable is your fault and I having no intention of taking any kind of responsibility for it- because it is my RIGHT.

Now I have fucked up  badly-  oh yes-  I have used the word  retarded, I have slapped another person in the face without asking, I have ignored it when  someone  said the first no, I have pushed the issue when  they have said no  more than once. My hands and tongue defiantly have entitlement issues that are connected to the rest of me, although somewhat a lower part….   

I have pushed, prodded, cajoled, downright pouted and used emotional manipulation until  I have gotten what I wanted.  I have fucked up really badly, and will probably spend the rest of my life fucking up, somewhat less then gracefully. And I can’t always say that I was contrite, or that I was even sorry, especially if I got what I wanted. 

(Wow- I should stop talking, I am coming out really bad in this…)

But I can say that   when I have stopped what I was doing and saw the toll that it was taking on the other person, felt their tired resignation, seen and  felt their frustration, it affected me, sometimes stopped me outright in  my tracks. It made me think about if what I was doing was right, and about how what I was doing affected them. 

 I can’t say that I won’t ever be an ass again, or that I won’t ever be pouty, or downright manipulative, or tongue/hand /crotch  based in  my entitlement.  I can’t say that my sense of entitlement won’t ever run over someone else’s boundaries again.

But I can say this: I don’t want my sense of entitlement to be someone else’s trigger, or to make them feel unsafe. I know what it is like to feel unsafe, and I would hate to create that in someone else. 

So this is something that I am working on, my sense of entitlement while respecting someone else’s boundaries.

 Of course living with a slave who never says no does not necessarily help.

 It does however help when my slave sees my entitlement affecting others and turns to me and says “NO Master, Bad Master!" 

That helps a lot.

AMG AWSOMENESS!!!

On the first Sunday of October was the second meeting of the AMG. I was really nervous. I knew that the group was going to be small, and I was really worried, as all organizers worry. 

Yes, we were small, but damn we were mighty. The conversation was powerfully good and I learned so much that day. We all came from really different places in life, and we all had so much to give that the time flew by.

Here are some of the parts that really struck a cord with me that day, all posted with permission of the participants:

On punishment-

Punishment can lead to non consent, if the slave did not consent to actively being set up for failure so that the Master can have cause to punish them.

Did the slave really consent to being set up?

What is driving the Master to set up the slave?

 How can you call yourself a Master if your slave makes you feel insecure?

On our responsibility when it comes to destructive people:

It is not our place to run people off, but if someone is actively wreaking havoc in the community shouldn’t they be run off?

On   Dungeon monitors:

If it is the DM’s squick, will they have more of a tendency to view the play as unsafe even if it is not?

On the slave’s one thing that they can’t seem to do:

In any long term relationship there will be things that aren’t working out the way you want them to.

Sometimes it is that one mistake (that one thing) that doesn’t happen that allows everything else to be what it is.

On Polyamory:

As a Master I discuss my slave’s poly relationships outside of our M/s dynamic because I have to put away my feelings of ownership to focus on her sexual health.

Direct quotes:

 “Candy ass Pussy.”

“Don’t you dare knock me off my chair!”

“Is it me, or has the blue tooth revolution made it tougher to spot people with mental illness?”
“My feet for your dusting- problem solved!!!”

That day was exactly what I wanted this group to be.

How cool……

Hi Everyone!

  This is eve posting for my awesome Beloved!  She will be teaching a BDSM 101 class this Tuesday and we would love to see you all there!

  Here is all the information you'll need.  I'm so proud of her :)

BDSM 101

  Beginning your exploration into the world of BDSM may seem a bit overwhelming and intimidating at first but it doesn’t have to be!   Come join instructor Beardyke as she guides participants’ in finding fun and knowledgeable ways of gaining access to a myriad of current resources that will enable them to further explore BDSM.   She will also help them gain an understanding of the two basics of BDSM: role playing and power exchange where everyone will have  a chance to experience the ideas and concepts with a series on hands-on exercises.

  This class is glbtqi inclusive and is fat and body positive!

 The instructor, Beardyke, has been a Master identified lesbian in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her wife and slave for 11 years and has presented workshops, intensives, and speeches centered around maintaining healthy, loving, and fun M/s and bdsm based relationships.

Location:  Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center

                  3904 Central Ave SE

                  Albuquerque, NM 87108

When:     Tuesday October 15^th at  7:30pm

Cost: $35.00 for couples registration

            $20.00 for single registration

Reserve online at:

http://selfservetoys.com/events/bdsm-101/

 to guarantee your spot! We take online reservations until the day before events. For last minute sign ups, please call the shop at 505-265-5815. We hope to see you all there!

Annual Juvenile Diabetes fundraiser: I am so proud!

This last Saturday my slave was asked to dance for the Annual Juvenile Diabetes fundraiser. Honestly, we have both been so tapped and tired that we were delirious.  Thankfully my slave really wanted to stick this one out. Since I was behind in school I was going to take that night and do homework and watch the horses.  We had to place the horses out to pasture before I have had a chance to work on it and I was worried about my horses fighting with the neighbor’s horses, or Pokey making a run for it through the fence line.  But  I watched them all day and they had done really well, and since I was so  tired  I wasn’t making much  sense -  when my slave looked me with those amazing eyes and said that she wanted me there with  her  I jumped at the chance.

It is one of my joys, pleasures and prides that she dances, and I am so deeply proud when she dances for fundraisers.

The night was really amazing. When they have this fundraiser the Queens all get together and put on one of the best drag shows of the year. The talent is outstanding, everyone is impeccable, the live singing was beautiful and the heart and love that was there made me misty eyed.

So I did what I love doing. We came in, and I got her dressed. I did notice that at 40 it was a little bit harder for me to get up and down from the ground that it was when I was say 30- we laughed at that. After that I took all her extra stuff with me so she didn’t have to think about it. Then I went to the front of the house so that she can warm up and breathe and concentrate without me staring at her.  Then from time to time I will come back and make sure that she is drinking and breathing and stretching.

Just before she comes on stage I get really nervous, I survey the crowd- do they know her?  Will they connect with her? How are they going to take her? How confused are they going to be? How drunk are they? 

Then she hits the stage and they fall in love with her smile, and her open heart, and her joy, and I do as well- all over again. 

There is a huge difference between straight crowds and gay crowds. In straight crowds touching of the belly dancer is strictly a no no. Money, if given, is placed on the stage or in the tip bucket. Gay crowds however are a completely different story.  We as the gay community have been the untouchables, the unwanted, and undesirables- and so whenever she dances for a gay crowd touching is allowed. It lets the crowd know that they are wanted, that the dancer is not repulsed by them, and it sends a strong signal that she is one of us.  Touching is usually done respectfully, but sometimes people get -shall we say- excited about her….. and the fingers go from lingering to an outright grope.  But my slave being the professional that she is   knows how to handle herself, and the crowd.

After her performance I head back stage and can’t stop gushing over her. As much as I love being in the front of the house, honestly   back stage is where the real action is. The camaraderie, the joy, the support and the sense of family and community are palpable. Watching the Queens with their faces done to perfection, their body padded and curved immaculately, watching as the untouchables become the wanted and the stars, listening to the bitchy laughter as the Queens come off stage and relax.

For the longest time my slave and I sat there just taking it all in, laughing, asking questions, lending support. How we have both missed this so much, and didn’t know it. At one point we were pulled aside and given a gift from the organizer of the event.  We were stunned, so much so I almost stated to cry. We didn’t quite know how we were going to get home with our gas tank being so low.  We figured that we had enough quarters to get us back home, but we honestly didn’t know.  So when that gift came to us- it meant so much more then they knew. I still have to hold back tears thinking about it.  Thank you. Thank you so very very much.

That night was magical, we both felt so blessed to be there, and so joyous to be able to bring money and awareness the the cause. So next year mark your calendar for October, because this talent is not to be missed!  

Bad day- but not that day

So  we are having a rough time. Financially we are still struggling and it doesn't take much  to  rock  our boat. I know that logistically it will be a year, I know this in  my head. And then  something happened.

We got  in a lot of money, for us. I got a great paycheck and my student loan  came in, and we paid our bills. That is all we did is pay our bills and get some propane. It allowed us to get a little caught up, and then  even though  we watched really really close,  we were back  in the negative within  4 days. 
Get this-  it wasn't even  our fault!  Has anyone ever had it happen where you pay a bill, and it shows on your statement, then it goes away and comes out later -  so you think that you have paid the bill  and still  have money left over, when  in reality it went into  limbo and needs to  be paid still?  That is what happened....

This was terrifying- everything hitting all over again- the amount of panic hit so  hard it knocked the breath out of both of us. The snowball  affect pulled the safety rug right out from under is, and we started scrambling. Right now we are just hoping to  get enough  together in the month of October to   make our house payment. 
Currently I am looking for a second job, and depending, I am  may have to  quit school.  I am  slowly  coming to peace with this. I cry  a lot. It hurts, but saving this house needs to be what matters. School can  wait.



Then  something else happened-

We were driving home from  Alb to  Edgewood  and there was a man in the highway flagging people  to move out of the lane closest to the edge of the road. We moved over and looked at what had happened.  His truck  was in  flames. We could feel the heat from the fire from  inside our car as the flames on the white truck  came up from under the hood, up  over his tires, and continued up onto the windshield. The panic was all over his face as his truck sat helpless on the side of the road attached to  an even bigger white trailer.


My slave and I looked at each other and  even though we were in  a very bad place-   we weren't  having his day.

Maybe he was on  his last dime and that was all of his possessions in his trailer.
Maybe he had just moved to  NM  for a fresh  start and this was as good  as it was getting for him.
Maybe he was on the job and let his insurance lapse just until he got paid  and he was hauling  someone else s stuff that he was going to have to replace. 
Maybe  he was at the end of his rope, and this was just another thing in a long line of things.


So many maybes....

So as my slave and I sat together that morning at 4 am  staring at out negative bank  account trying to breath-  we both  said to  each  other-  we are struggling-  but we aren't having that day.
Not today.

It is my hope that this man is safe and that his loved ones are safe, and that he made it out intact and with some feelings of a light at the end of his very dark tunnel.
It is my hope that he has those that love him and support  him and see him through.

I am  grateful, not for his misfortune, but for the reminder that we are struggling and probably will for a while,  and even though we are having a bad day-  it is not that day.

Thank the Spirits, the Gods and Goddesses that watch over us-  it is not that day.