It does feel different.....

 


We have been together for eleven years. We were unofficially married in Florida eight years ago. So one would think that legally getting married wouldn’t be that big of a deal- right?


 Well the day we got married, I was shaky and sweaty, and so nervous.  

And yes- it does feel different now.


I feel like I can protect her now. Like I can take care of her better now. I feel like I have the ability to be there for her better now. It isn’t just being legally married, or being her wife- it is that if she ends up in the hospital.
  I have the right to make decisions for her and not some long lost cousin that just happens to show up.

 That if we do end up having kids I have legal ground in case something happens to her, and that her family- or mine- can’t just come in and say unfit- unnatural parent- 
If I should die- she doesn’t get taxed to death, and she will be cared for.

This means so much- so yes it feel different.

I remember in  Florida after we got married, and I told some people  that  we were married-  they would follow it up with  "well you didn't REALLY get married- did you?"
When I had to say”no- it wasn't legal".  
 I could see the relaxation and smugness come over that person. Like they enjoyed having me   admit that my marriage had no legal standing.


But now I can say it- we are legally married.


She has my name.

And yes- it feels different.

 

Jumping the Broom 11/19/13

Us at the county clerks. Do I look  green?????

Walking down the isle at Roosevelt park.

The ceremony

Mauro was amazing, heartfelt, and joyous. We were so blessed that he did our ceremony.

The rings.

The kiss.

The amazingly loving  wedding party- Jaime, Lori, and my amazing Wife.

Mauro and my amazing Wife.

My Legally Recognized Wife.

The actual License.

The Lesbian  Marriage  boots.

The flowers were Perfect.



Then  on  11/20/2013  we went to the Social  Security  off and she had her name legally change to mine.




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Clothing/blanket drive

Hello everyone.

A dear friend of mine lost five of her immediate family in the typhoon that struck the Philippines.

I would like to start a clothing and blanket drive to send care packages to those in need.

If anyone would like to donate I will be collecting blankets and clothing (all sizes) for the next month.

I will arrange for pick up where and when it is convenient for you.
All donations are sent overseas.

Feel free to contact me here on fet, or at bigdykebear@yahoo.com to arrange a donation pickup or if you are interested in being a drop off point in Albuquerque.


Thanks everyone.


Hugz and Luv,
K

Movies, TP, Tacos , Family Style

This week has been  amazing. On Monday we had dinner with  an amazingly sexy friend, that ended in  all of us on the couch with her furry family watching a movie. It was AWESOME! CROODS RULE!!!!

On Tuesday my slave went out with  her TAGF, totally AWESOME girlfriend  and they ran  errands and talked! TP AS A PRESENT RULES!!!!!   That night my slave and I went out for dinner with  our Intentional  family and  we had a blast!!!  TACOS RULE!   

On Wednesday  my slave received so much  love, so  much joy, that she  was in  pure bliss. So much  so  that she is still smiling, and I cant stop smiling for her. LOVE RULES!!!!! On Wednesday night we went to dinner at another amazingly sexy friends house! STEAK FAMILY STYLE  RULES!!!! PILFERING TP RULES!!!

This morning, which  is her birthday,  for the first time in years she woke up smiling and happy. On her birthday.

The horses have eaten. I am  doing well  in school.  Hope is returning that our struggles may not come to an end but get easier in  December. 
This week was AMAZING! 
How incredible to  be surrounded by so much  love, so  much  joy, and so much incredible food!  

This was the best WEEK EVER!!

AND AND  AND  OH  OH  OH OH!!!

After my slaves braiding class we decided that her intentional beauty series needs to  be more accessible and so  we are going to  start having them here for 5$ per person  to cover  costs.

So  keep  out an eye in  December! 

Butchness -

Being a Butch is a complicated thing. More complicated than being a Master, I think. I started on my journey of being a Butch after I left my first wife where I defaulted into being a femme for a lot of reasons. When I finally found my Butch identity and shaved my head for that reason, it was a coming into my body, a coming home, and an  understanding that all of those years that I never felt quite right had a reason. That how I felt about shopping in the women's department made sense now.



I can remember when I was in my teens - I don’t quite remember what age- and I asked to be taken to the boys store to buy jeans. The answer by my two lesbian parents at the time was no. I never asked again.


When  I met my slave and we came together she embraced my Butch  in  a way that made me feel  empowered and loved to no  end. I, in turn, reveled in it.

 I built my Butch pride not just in my clothes, and my haircut, but in my ability to protect and provide. This was MY WOMAN, and I will put the food in her mouth, and the clothes on her back. I will provide, make sure that she has health care and a roof over her head. She is mine to protect and care for and nurture. 


MINE-- as I beat my chest and hoot and growl! Mine! Mine! Mine!


Because I did everything that this world said that I had no right to do. I did it anyway.

And I did it well.

And then came the last two years.

And I needed help.  Still do, need help that is.

To feed her and keep her warm and keep a roof over her head.

Clothing optional.

I struggle every time that I say yes. I feel like a disappointment to  her, like how can  I call myself much  of anything when the cupboards are so bare, and the health care she has is irrelevant because I can’t afford to  pay the co  pays. 


I know that we have just moved our lives upside down for a chance at a better life. That was me saying - we are doing this-  because I WILL take care of you, or give everything that I have trying.



I am in no way saying that I am not grateful to everyone for coming out of the wood work and giving us so much of their time, effort and resources. I am so deeply grateful that everyone has seen that I have Butch Pride, and has said – look Man, I know this isn’t easy- let’s do this anyway. 


And because I put my Butch pride away, she gets to eat, she gets to have a roof over her head, and she gets to be warm.

So what is more important? My identity or her?

Her always. Put me in  a dress and have my hair grow out. Her always. Put me in heels- low ones- so  I dont break my neck. Her always. Put me in girl  panties and a frilly bra. Her always.


Thank you to everyone that have provided for us and continue to provide for us during this time.


Thank you to  my intentional  family: 

Thank you to SM. You have kept us going in so many ways I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all of you. For your kindness, for your constant thoughtfulness and inquiry as to how we are doing. For your guidance that provides me with so much faith that this will change. It will get better. 


Thank you to J&L. For feeding us and the horses. The bale of hay that you so thoughtfully provided shocked me when I saw it because we needed it so desperately.   It meant that the horses ate all day. I could feel the contentment coming off of them as they ate and paused and ate and paused.

Thank you to KS for all that you do and have done to give her laughter and joy, and safety.

Thank you OB for providing us with so much when you have so little. I am touched and warmed by you and yours.
 

BDSM 101 Hands ON class

I don't like going to BDSM 101 classes.  Every BDSM 101 class that I have been too has been an exercise in keeping my eyes open, and although the information is still relevant and important, it makes me sleepy.  Even though I feel that BDSM 101 classes are critical to have consistently available, I haven’t ever been to one that made me excited about BDSM and left me wanting more. So when I was approached by Self Serve to teach a BDSM 101 class, I cringed a little on the inside. At first I accepted because I believe that the class is really important to have, and Self serve reaches a sect of people that are either not in community, or can’t be in community for whatever reason. But as the Self Serve team and I were talking, they brought up the idea of having it be taught as an interactive class.  

That is when I started to get excited and my juices got flowing.  I thought- yea, why not? Why can’t a BDSM 101 class be hands on? After all BDSM is about the experience, which can only be achieved by doing, and how better to get people excited about the possibilities of BDSM then  giving them some hands on?

So I thought about it for a few days and came up with a do able workshop that I thought could go over well, and prepped for the upcoming class. I was so nervous; this could easily go a few ways that maybe wouldn’t be pretty.

BUT!!!   It was so much fun!

The first part of the class was set aside to go over history, the legalities of current BDSM, myths and then I defined three   aspects of BDSM power exchange, role play and   fetish / kink.  Afterwards I went over the physical and psychological aspects of play- from euphoria to crashing.

It was when the hands part got started that I was really excited to have some fun!  

Earlier in the class I had people look around to see what BDSM toy interested them. Then at one point I had each of them go get a toy of their choice.  As a group we went through what everyone had picked, and talked about the differences in different types of the same toys as well as differences in cuffs. From there I gave each couple an assignment, and then I let them go and see where their fantasies would take them.

It was just what I had hoped that it would be. People loving the experience of BDSM, getting excited about what they were doing, and seeing the possibility of what could be done.  

I loved watching as they brought their own desires to life, as their faces went from excitement to being turned on, and hearing the room fill with laughter and joy.  It was everything that I was hoping for.

I had one person that I worked with specifically in regards to their identity and how they needed to understand their own body first and then work from there. I loved that time, working with that person one on one. Listening to their story and trying to let them know that they were not alone. I would go from person to person giving them little bits of safety information and then letting them go and experiment.

After the hands on portion, we came back together and did the written questions part of the workshop. I use this in every class.  Every person gets a piece of paper and a pen to write down a question. It allows for anonymity and candor, and is a good way to end the class overall.

The questions were great and the people were so engaged, but how I knew it was a great class was the red faces as people bought their toys and ran home. Most likely in a hurry to have tea and crumpets, or watch the news and then retire quietly to bed, or maybe clean the bathroom.

But I doubt it…….