Lately I
have been having a lot of conversations about leather families. What do they look
like? How do you get into one/start one? What does it mean? These are great
questions for a tradition that is quickly fading within a vast culture that is
more inundated with kink then leather.
As the kink component starts to have a greater and stronger voice in
BDSM, some of the leather traditions are being set aside for a new and
different way of doing things.
I am
thrilled to see some of these changes; they need to happen to make room for
growth and new ideas. But on the other hand, as the things that I have
treasured and loved about my leather path become less common, it is sad to see
these traditions disappear so quickly. It will soon become one of those things
that “used to be.” Like what happened with “Old Guard” leather.
It is the
reality of time that those that lived Old Guard have mostly passed on, and with
their loss goes the realities of their traditions. Old Guard was not the
beginning of leather. It was however, the beginning of leather in print for the
US. More significantly, it was print
about us, told BY us, and made available to us in mass. We owned those stories, and as what tends to
happen, stories became history. Our printed stories became our understood
reality. I am not saying that there
isn’t some reality in those stories. What I am saying is that the non-fictional
pieces told by those that came before us, where just that: non-fiction. Which as we all know is different than the
real and true lives lived.
I know that I am going to get back lash here,
as I am not old enough, or gay male enough to know what I am talking about. I concede
to all of those things. I am not old enough or gay male. What I can say is that
in the gay male BDSM culture how leather is looked at is completely different then
how I see it.
To use one
of all my time favorite quotes from the movie JFK: Mr. X says “Oh, don't take
my word for it, don't believe me. Do your own work, your own thinking.”
Let’s talk current
leather families. As in what is going on
in our community right now.
Leather
families are extremely varied. They can have a single head or many heads. They can
have a lateral or pyramid structure. Basically any kind of structure that works
for the people that forms them.
Here is a simplified
diagram of my leather family:
A----A-----a----A---AA
l ll l
a aa a
You may
notice that the primary structure of my family is lateral. That is became we
are all equals here. You may also notice that one individuals submissive is not
a submissive to the group. IE.
My slave is not my brother’s slave.
I find this
family structure works well for me for multiple reasons. One, it pushes me to learn
and grow. We all challenge each other,
my brother’s girl challenges me as much as my brother.
