Bring it ON!

At Leather Fiesta all  weekend. There have been some changes  so  I will not be able to  make it to  classes like I had previously hoped.  BUT come see my slave in  vending and I will  see you between  judging duties!

 http://laughinggoddessapothecary.com/

NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!

Next week is Leather Fiesta. I have loved watching how it grows and changes.  Leather Fiesta didn’t just happen. It has events that have preceded it, that groomed and matured the people who now organize it.  This year there will be vending, classes, play parties, a show, and a contest.  

My love will be vending. I am so proud of her! So make sure you stop on by and say hello. The vendors are mostly all local, so by supporting them you are supporting local small business in NM. This has a bigger impact than you might think.  Vendors pay for their spots, and being able to cover costs help them feel successful. This then drives them to return. But not just that-  it inspires people in the community to create and explore other parts of their own ability.  Looking at how someone makes a flogger may inspire someone else to start looking at a newer or different way to make toys, rope, chain mail, or furniture. Never underestimate what one’s work can do to inspire another. 

The classes look really good.  I have found that over the last decade or so I have shied away from classes. I have been burned by many a bad class, a bad or flat out dishonest presenter, or an over done topic without an original bent.  At first I would stay in every class, sitting and fawning patience. I found that while my body was sitting there, my face was well- being more open about what I really thought. So now I am at a place where if I am in a class that rubs me the wrong way, I simply get up and leave.  When I first started doing this I felt a need to make an excuse like I would pretend to start coughing really loud.  Now, however I have reached the “fuck it” stage in my leather walk, so I    simply get up and go. 

But it is time to let that go and see what is out there. So, between obligations, I am going to push myself to go to at least two classes. 

The show will be interesting as always. I will be honest. I don’t like spoken word. Poetry makes me itch. But I give a lot of cudos to those that take the stage.  It takes a lot of fortitude to put yourself out there. I do love the dance and performance pieces. I still remember when they had the contortionists. When F did the performance of “Bleed Like You” (that was way back). I didn’t get to see L fist a watermelon, but people still talk about it. I also didn’t get to watch when T and A did a cigar scene, but that one still has people swooning. Those performances stay with a person. 

My love will be preforming this year. I CAN’T WAIT! Last year at Leather Fiesta my Love performed, and those that I respect and love the most in this community came up to the stage for her. I was crying like a baby. I don’t expect to have it be much different this year!

I am a judge for the contest. I was so honored to be asked. Honestly, I have a special place in my heart for the contest.  Maybe because I was a title holder and I have seen what it did for me. How it has shaped me over all of these years.  How the title in many ways gave me a place in this community. The work was mine and the work that I have done ever since was also mine. But it made me feel like I can really accomplish things that perhaps without the title I wouldn’t or couldn’t have. It opened doors and both created and destroyed friendships. 

ABOL is running the title.  I have to give them credit.  Running a title is a lot of work. Finding contestants, judges, organizing what the contestants will be judged on, and listening to all of the loud and unfiltered bitching that always comes with any event. 

Thank you ABOL, and thank you A for making this possible. 

So last time I put out a challenge at an event it was for you to try something new, get out of your comfort zone. Did you? Did you introduce yourself to someone new? Ask a question when you would normally remain silent or try a new protocol? 

So this time- same thing- challenge yourself. What about this event will be different for you? One year from now as you think back on this event- what will you want to say you accomplished, challenged, or experienced? 

 REGISTER HERE:

http://nmleatherleague.com/leather-fiesta-2016/

Leather Families Part Three of Three

If you are petitioning to become a part of a family, keep your eyes open. What does the petition mean? 

Sometimes it means you have to do so much community service. For other houses it may mean that they will not accept you unless both you and your bottom (if you have one) are available for sex and play to the group as a whole. In other words, you consent to this by petitioning in the first place. Sometimes the house doesn’t want any of that, and becoming a part of their house is as easy as simply asking with no further work on your part.

Another way to become a part of a leather family is to let it happen and then one day decide you want to put a name on it. It can be as formal or as informal as you would like. With patches or simply with love that binds.

Now the biggest question. What does having a leather family mean?  Ask 1,000 people, get a 10,000 answers. 

So I can write about what I have seen.

 For some people leather families are a way of putting a marker on someone.  “They are mine.”  For that family structure you are expected to have similar thoughts as the head or heads of the family. You are expected to keep the same friends, hate the same people, and over all “support the family” by group thinking. 

For some it is a group of people that they play or have sex with.  Someone’s ability to join their family is based on their Fuckableness. 

For some people leather family is about what they would consider prestige. They think it makes them look important. “The more people in my family I have from the more places, the cooler I look.” “The more people that wear my patch the more Domly-Dom I appear”. 

For others family is about companionship and finding people that can relate to your space in life, and love and support you through your changes. Even if those changes mean not being as close to the family   as they would like. 

All of these families are valid in their own ways.  Each have something that appeals to different people during different times in their lives. Someone may want a leather family that is all about sex and play.  Then over time they may want or need a leather family that is more about learning and challenging them. 

Nothing is set in stone here. 

Like all parts of BDSM, this is about insight and choice.

What do you want? And this is not a judgment.

Well- out loud judgment anyway.

This brings me to the next thing to think about. Years ago my mother had said that a person is judged by the company they keep.

This is very true do to the reality of a social culture.  So choosing what family you want to join, or when thinking about starting a family that is something to consider.  

How do you want to be viewed? 

These are never easy questions.

So taking time to answer them is crucial to making a good decision when it comes to you, your life, and your path.

Leather Families Part Two of Three

Two, I will never share my slave, family or no. In my family no one feels rights over the others property. 

And three, I was accepted for who I was from the outright. I didn’t have to serve others in my family to earn my place. That didn’t mean I didn’t have to work. But it did mean that I earned my place over time through my community service and my relationships. Not from being subservient or having to give my slave up to the will of others.

So that is what my family looks like. What does your family look, like if you were to diagram them? If you don’t have a family, but would like one, how does that look to you?

The next question is how does one get a leather family? Or be asked to join a leather family? There are a few ways to do this.

You can:

1) Build your own family by meeting others and asking them to join 

2) Petition a family to be one of their members 

3) Recognize that you are in a group of people that you love and you are all probably family to start with, but just don’t have a name. 

Some questions to ask are: 

If you are going to start a leather family, how does that look to you? Try mapping it out. Do you want to be the head, the bottom with multiple heads, or do you want a more lateral structure like mine?

Secondly, what are your goals?  Do you want to all live together? Do you want to only have people at your age/social/financial level? Do you want to have people petition, earn their leather, earn their patches, or earn their places? 

And thirdly What will be the things that bind you? Sex? Play? Organizing?  Mutual respect? Support and growth? 

This is a huge question because it determines lot.  If your goal is to play and have sex with everyone in your family, then be prepared for your family to shift a lot as the people in your family find other sex or play partners. 

Be careful of what I call the “Idiot Dominant Pyramid”.  This is where the Dominant thinks that by bringing home multiple lovers and play partners that they will all be having sex and playing with each other at the Dominants bidding.  (A sister wife’s concept made more complex by the Dominant feeling that by telling two people to have sex with each other they will simply jump into bed all smiles and readiness). 

Now- warning here- this can be done, but it is rare and needs to be carefully and thoroughly negotiated before, during, and after.  

Surprising a submissive with the Dominants latest crush and expecting everyone to be thrilled about having sex or play with each other is a quick way for hurt feelings to lead to being single Dominant. 

 If your goals are more growth and learning, then you could anticipate a longer lasting family as you all grow and push each other to be the best that they can be and what ties you together is more flexible then play or sex.