When reason is replaced with hurt.

Hey everyone. this has been  a really shit week. I wrote about it.
But I don't really want to be that raw right now.

What I do  know is this- I am  looking forward to  the AEL play party on Saturday.

I need sleep.

I know that I am  not doing well  because I am  taking everything personally, and my slave and I got into a fight. 

That is the litmus. We generally dont fight.

So  I know that this is when my reason is replaced with hurt.

I have no  time to  do the things that I love.

Right now I am supposed to  be  prepping for Spring Pan.
I owe them  a write up for the class I will be teaching.
 I love that - I feel  so  deeply blessed that they have chose us to vend and me to present.

My book  is back in  the hands of my editor, I am  waiting to  do  my next rewrite. 
 I love that,  my editor is amazing. It is a huge emotional  step in the next part of my life.

I haven't had time to  find a host house for the AMG/AEL Kinkskills skills day on the 12th  of April.
I love these projects, and I believe in  them.

I haven't had time to  write those that I care about.

I feel  in  over my head and raw.

Like the next thing will  take me out. Like the next thing that happens will do  me in.

 I am  not sleeping.

So  nothing is coming for a place of reason  right now.  Everything is raw, personal, and more intentional  then it really is. This last week  has played on  all  of my deep wounds-  with  a little salt.

I know that next week  will be different.

The AEL  play party will  be awesome.

I will get sleep.

It will  change.


But right now it just burns.