The Masters Manual: the care and feeding of the nerd slave

There are certain things that a Master needs to be aware of when taking on and caring for the nerd slave. These aren’t bad things, but they are things that are specific to owning a nerd slave that may throw a Master off of their game. So be prepared!

Come into the relationship with the knowledge that:

1)       If you want to join into an already existing conversation that your nerd slave is animatedly having with someone else be prepared to talk about Farscape, Firefly, or cheese.

2)       Be prepared for your relationship to  be broken down in to  explanations like:  my Master puts their shields up, or my Master has their phaser  set on SEXY,  or my Master asked for pie,  and I gave her pi.

3)      Be prepared for Sci-Fi and BBC television programming that makes absolutely no sense, but will send the nerd slave into fits of giggles as they quote it over and over like  “there can be only one!!!” , “ride me sideways”   or  “bugger me” . Or when they look at you with intensity and say “you will be assimilated.”  (Which isn’t bad except for when they do it right after sex.)

4)      Be prepared for them to giggle when you say you know the dungeons DM.  IT is NOT the same thing to them.

5)       Know that a certain hand shake, a reference to something involving 42, and a pirated disc of Matrix clips with dubbed in fart sounds are all in your future.

6)      Know that in your relationship there will be arguments about who was the best Star Trek Captain, what should have been done with the Borg, who is a better singer Shatner or Nimoy, and which one of the X men movies sucked the most ass.

7)      Br prepared for ongoing rants about how bad Cat woman was when played by Hallie Berry, how Rouge should never have been Anna Paquin, and how it is a scientific face that old Xavier was a hell of a lot sexier then young Xavier.

8)      Be afraid,   be very afraid of any references involving Buckaroo Banzai.  Do NOT ask for a plot and Do Not try to control it, just back away slowly.  

9)      Be prepared to choose a car insurance company based on hit points , chaotic subtype, and experience points.

And last but certainly not least:

10)   Be prepared for your heart to jump every time your nerd slave brings home a new DVD and excitedly says  “This is a classic!!” Every time that they enter  a  room and laugh at jokes that make absolutely no sense but still  connects  with those around you  on a visceral level  because of B movies and alien sex references.

It is a pleasure and a joy to own a nerd slave.  Sometimes a challenge, sometimes I just smile and nod like I understand anything that she is saying, but mostly it just turns me on.   

Nerd slaves RULE!!!