My slave presented this at PERV, it included the evolution of body image in the leather, fetish and kink community throughout North America. Here is an excerpt from her personal journey of fat and body image acceptance.
If you are interested her fat and body image acceptance group the Brickhouse Betties (5 years and running!!) you will find them here:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/brickhousebetties
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Brickhouse_Betties
or watch for her monthly event posting on Fetlife. com
under the group name: New Mexico Fetlifers
When I
started exploring my slave identity I realized that although I had been working
on these issues of fat and body acceptance very hard, there were still some
emotional minefields left over. All of the slaves that I had seen, read about,
or were publicly acknowledged as desirable were white, and very very thin.
Nothing against my wonderful white and thin sisters, however it was very intimidating
for me to embark on a journey where no one even remotely looked like me.
I had not
seen women who looked like me portrayed in rope bondage, suspension, or
kneeling for hours. I had only seen or heard of fat women being used as walking
percussion instruments and individuals who were able to withstand great amounts
of pain because they possessed great amounts of surface area.
It wasn’t
until I met my beautiful wife and Master
that I realized that it was possible to for me to be cherished, loved,
teased, and tortured in a way that made me feel beautiful- because of how I looked and not in spite of it. I realized over time for
me to feel safe and acknowledged in my slave identity I needed a partner who
looked at me as unconditionally beautiful. My ability to surrender to increasingly high levels of submission,
pain, and servitude was and still is directly connected to the ability of my
partner to see me as an object of desire, worthy of attention, worthy of love,
worthy of respect, and worthy of open and public praise.
Even though
I was extremely lucky enough to find a partner who was ready, willing, and able
to do all of those things I still had to do more than my fair share of work in
the self esteem and body image department.
I realized
that in order for me to enjoy the lavish and loving treatment that I had always
desired I had to acquire the sense of self to recognize it was something that I
always deserved. I had to stop punishing myself every time I ate and enjoyed it.
For instance I had to stop saying things like “I’m so bad for eating this cake.
“ Or “I am going to have to work off all
these calories from this pizza next time I am in dance class.”
I also had to be prepared to stop other people-
including friends and loved ones- from making destructive comments about my
body. No matter how clueless or well
meaning that they said that they were. For
example I had to start telling a very close friend of mine to stop telling me
that my breasts have a very unappealing “maternal slope” to them. (She was trying to give my advice on proper
bras.)
I also had
to go through the very difficult process of putting an end to all of the family
and self imposed messages that I had running around in my head and out of my
mouth about how I am never good enough. These messages would not always be so
obvious in their self hate, and with the help of my amazing wife and Master I
came to realize that all of the little
self deprecating and “humorous” comments that I always made about myself
concerning my perceived lack of beauty, intellect, and grace were having a very
devastating effect on my body image and self esteem.
My fat and
body positive journey has come to mean that in order for me to continue to evolve.
I have to hold myself and others around me equally accountable for how I am
treated.
"because of how I looked and not in spite of it"
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you so much for sharing her words with us!
I actually had to get up and walk away from the computer as these words struck me so strongly. I realized that this is exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. Regardless of how I look and what I'm doing, love me for who I am right this moment.
Dear bombshell-
ReplyDeleteNot "regardless' of how you look- rather a partner that revels in your beauty. Curves, lines, folds, and skin. Not "regardless " because of.
Not a partner that tolerates your body- one that takes your body and makes it their personal playground. Kissing, groping, holding and caressing each incredible hill and valley.....
Thank you, Eve! Your words are always inspirational.
ReplyDeleteI will certainly make sure that my brilliant slave gets this!! Thank you J!!
ReplyDelete