Open New Years Party

Hello  All!

This year for New Years my slave and I will be going to the Dennys off of Central.

Denny's
2608 Central Avenue Southeast
Albuquerque, NM 87106
(505) 266-5113

We will be there at 10 pm on New Years Eve to  ring in the New Year.

We have the back  room  reserved for anyone that wants to  join us!

If you would like to  please let me know that you are coming  so  I can  give them a number-  OR-  if you want to  be MYSTERIOUS- just show up!!!

We would love to  see you there! 

Taking Stock

This is the time of the year that I love. For me, this is the time for  self reflection, it is a real chance to look back and see what I have accomplished, how have I changed, what is new in my life and what has been let go. It is a chance to clearly see what has gotten better, what hasn’t, what I want to do, what I wanted to do and if my goals are still relevant  where I want to  go  in  life.  Have I become more of who I want to be?  Has who I want to be changed? Am I surrounding myself by people that make me better, that challenge me, that want what is best for me, and let me do all of those things for them? This yearly self assessment is a hard thing, but a good thing, it helps me mark the time and take stock of my life.

So  today as I sit here looking out a new window, prepping for my next semester of school, after I have fed the horses the first of their two feeding for the day,  I can  say yea-  I think that this year was well  spent.  I am still kind of stunned by all that has changed, over the last four months especially.

 I started school, bought a new house, got married, started the Albuquerque Masters Group, and have gone from  “ohh shit” poor to  “ok we can negotiate poor” ( that is a huge step  up BTW).  I am  still trying to  wrap  my head around all of the people that came out of the wood work  for us,  who  selflessly donated their  their time, effort , energy, money, thoughts, and sweat to  get us where we are. 

As with all things, some relationships that I have are stronger than ever. Powerful, loving, hot, sexy and overwhelmingly beautiful. Other relationships are slowing down, taking a hiatus, or restructuring to become other things. This healthy, and good. As people change and grow sometimes that growth is in the same area, or the same way, and other times, the growth is very different, but the people are able to use that to push each other and support each other creating a wonderful intensity. Sometimes it means that you become very different people and that might mean time apart as people figure out what they can reasonably to do with someone who has changed so much. Sometimes the relationship is salvageable, sometimes it isn’t. Although the concept feels simple I put it out there because the living of it is very much so the opposite.  Change and grow many times means the death of current relationships and it means choosing between your own growth and happiness and your acceptance.  

A lot of times we view this as people coming out as gay, or kinky, or trans, but not always. Sometimes it means that the person just gets more confidence, or that they start doing things that make them happy, or they change how they think. It can be that simple and complex at the same time, and because of these changes they have to leave people behind to ensure that they can continue to grow.

In my life I have moved  -  I think -  38 times now-  and there has been  one thing that has given  me years of comfort- it is the understanding that  more often than  not, people are transitory. They come and go in your life as your needs and growth change. When someone is lucky the people in their life are comfortable with them changing and growing, and those changes strengthen their relationships, but most times, it just doesn’t work like that. The good news is that you don’t have to stop growing because the people around you won’t support that growth, there will be others. There will be more support; there will be more love, more laughter, and best of all- your growth will allow that to happen without compromising you. 

So as I ask myself these questions at this point in my life, I will also ask them of you:

What did you do this year to become of a more self defined, stronger, better person?

Who are you surrounded by that strengthens you, and is not threatened by your growth and instead pushes you to be more and better?

Next year when 2014 comes to a close what do you want to be able to say about yourself that is different then what you can say now?

Happy New Year everyone, and may your blessings be as large and fruitful as your dreams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5B6rVucS24A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8FBFLMOrnw

And this one that inspires me to  cry everytime:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz1N8W8phec

Do public play parties limit our skill?

It is a powerful question isn’t it?  Do public play parties limit our skill? I think that public play parties offer so much good- I am by no means here belittling what they offer. Public play parties are an amazing venue to watch others, to see what else is being done, to learn, network, ask questions, meet new people and compare toys of all kinds.  It is also a place for growth, finding out where your skill level is in comparison to others and that safe space for so many to come and experience their firsts. Their first time seeing or having a flogging, their first time witnessing aftercare, their first time watching a caning, and getting that feeling way down deep in their crotch. I love those firsts.

However, because of the nature of public play parties, there are limits. Public play parties are about protecting the host house, the organizer, and providing a safe place for newbie’s to come. So often that means a limit on the types of play that can happen, such as blood, full body impact, wrestling, wax, suspension  and sometimes sex. It also means that there are limits on time as far as equipment.  Just to be clear here, for the most part I agree with these limits in public play. I agree with not splattering blood over someone else’s walls and then sitting on their furniture to rub it into the couch. Wax can be very messy and extensive to clean, full body play and wrestling takes a lot of room without stuff that breaks in it, and suspension takes specialized equipment. As far as sex,  I am very careful whose sexual energy I allow around me and my slave, and I don’t enjoy going to parties where I feel  unsafe by the sexual  vibe. 

 Those limits do not mean that public, open, everyone can come parties aren’t extremely important. When I first came into this community I learned tons of valuable information just by watching others. I learned so much about what I could do differently, better, stronger, how I could increase my skill, and what other toys are out there.  I loved that phase of my leaning, and I am grateful for it. I still love going to public play parties because I still learn, push myself, watch, and grow from others. 

But like all learning there comes that point where you grown and grow and outgrow some things. I am in no way saying that I have outgrown learning in a public play arena. What I am saying is that where I want to grow is sometimes restricted from public play. I really want to get better at piercing and cutting, and I would like to greater experience more total body rough play and heavy impact. I would love to learn full body suspension safely   on bigger bodies.

I know that ultimately my learning is my responsibility, and that it is my job to  seek out others that can  teach  me what I want to  learn, as well as  create the place for me  to do that. But I just got to thinking, do we as a community become lazy when we don’t strive to enhance or strengthen our skills? And is that influenced by being where we want to be in our familiar groups when it comes to public play? Do we, as a public play community, push each other to be more skilled and more daring in our play? Do we take advantage of the amazing amount of skill that exists in our community? Or have we relaxed and said that we are fine with our skill, no need to take it forward?

I do think that to a certain extent public play parties can limit a communities learning and growth as a whole because of the limitations that need to happen. I also feel that if we as a community are not careful, we can become extremely comfortable and then stagnant in what we are doing and learning. 

Public play parties are wonderful things, and we are lucky to have them, as they did not always exist. At one point you had to know someone and they had to approve you getting in and so on….. So being able to look online and say I would love to go to that play party is a novelty. Every time you send in your RSVP you should remember that this is a privilege. That many have never had that privilege, and so many have never been able to experience public play. But  don’t let where you are in public be the end of your learning, keep  striving for that next skill, that next piece of information that can unlock  that next piece for you. The opening of that door is powerful and amazing, be grateful, and honor those that have come before you by pushing yourself forward.

There is always more to learn.

What happens at the AMG stays at the AMG

This last Sunday was the December meeting of the AMG. Our hosts were amazing and very accommodating! The meeting was scheduled for four to  six and went three hours overtime! 
IT WAS AMAZING!
So many people came, and there was so  much  experience in that room-  I loved learning from everyone.
I think that the thing that really got me was how much everyone was so  open and candid. There was no  showboating-  or mine is bigger than yours or anything like that! It was all people talking about their mistakes and their successes, and their experiences. 
The food was amazing, and the laughter was over riding.
Everyone was so  deeply candid. It made my heart sing.
 The other cool thing was that my slave got to serve three people. I really love that-  putting her thorough her paces-  watching her think it through, and serve others. It is a HUGE turn on for me.

Then I broke my OWN RULE! I think that at this point I need to be put on  probation and if I behave I am allowed back  in to the group.

So  what happened was-  I was on such  a high  from the AMG that the next day when it was my slaves surprise b-day party I totally slipped!

(But my slaves b day party was amazing!!! Thank you so much  to all that attended and brought yourselves and your love and hugz!!!)


So  at the party  I couldn't stop  talking until -  thank the Goddess-  J looked right at me and said LOUDLY-  what happens at the AMG stays at the AMG!

SHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!!!!!

So-  yea-  I am  totally on  probation.....

I may need someone to run the AMG until  I am  allowed back  in.


I take volunteers...


And chocolate.....


I bribe pretty easy....

what a day!

 How lucky am  I!!!!



 

Belonging

Belonging is one of the most powerful things in this world. Some people put all that they are away, hiding it deep inside ---- out of the idea that if people knew who they really where that they would no longer belong.  Others are compelled to do things that history and time will never understand because of that need to belong to their peers or their superiors. Belonging is a powerful thing.

It is what has driven some of the biggest wars, genocides, and mass crimes. The fear of being the other, being outcasts, the fear of not belonging. It compels some to seek and others to hide. It gives some the strength to grow and search for others like them- never giving up on the idea that they are not the only ones. While others take who they are and punish  themselves for it-  making sure that if they see themselves in  any one else-  that those people feel their wrath  as well. It creates conferences and wars,  it is the human  global  link that binds us all together. The need to belong and the crisis of self that happens when belonging is no longer possible.

If you are lucky- there is that one moment of grace- that one spot in life- that one place where who you are is embraced and cherished and loved. The entirety of you belongs, to a group, to an idea, to a person- to more than one.  Every bit of you - from your tears- to your morning breath- to the holes in your socks.  Your strength   and joy as much as your pain.

When that other person says - you are mine.   And you know what it is like to belong.  You are mine, I am yours. To feel that warm soft blanket of love and belonging cover your shoulders - and to hear in their voice that you are a part of them- a part of something bigger then yourself. That what happens to you matters, and that those words “you are mine” says that in a way that nothing else can.

I am blessed that I found people like me. I am blessed that my wife and my family love me and claim me as theirs. I am  so deeply blessed that others out there aren’t ashamed by what makes me different, and instead celebrate it and give me the ability to  walk  out of my door with pride and the internal  understanding that whatever I run into  out there-  I belong somewhere.

You are mine. I am yours.

AMG this Sunday!

Hello All!
This Sunday from 4-6 will be the the December meeting of the AMG!
It will be a potluck, training afternoon.Want to try something that you haven't tried before? Looking to learn from others or try service in a safe space? Just looking to talk with other Masters and slaves? Want to practice and refine your service? Singles welcome!
Bring a dish to share, (no pretzels, chips, or sodas please)
and bring your ideas!
RSVP here or through bigdykebear@yahoo.com for directions.

It does feel different.....

 


We have been together for eleven years. We were unofficially married in Florida eight years ago. So one would think that legally getting married wouldn’t be that big of a deal- right?


 Well the day we got married, I was shaky and sweaty, and so nervous.  

And yes- it does feel different now.


I feel like I can protect her now. Like I can take care of her better now. I feel like I have the ability to be there for her better now. It isn’t just being legally married, or being her wife- it is that if she ends up in the hospital.
  I have the right to make decisions for her and not some long lost cousin that just happens to show up.

 That if we do end up having kids I have legal ground in case something happens to her, and that her family- or mine- can’t just come in and say unfit- unnatural parent- 
If I should die- she doesn’t get taxed to death, and she will be cared for.

This means so much- so yes it feel different.

I remember in  Florida after we got married, and I told some people  that  we were married-  they would follow it up with  "well you didn't REALLY get married- did you?"
When I had to say”no- it wasn't legal".  
 I could see the relaxation and smugness come over that person. Like they enjoyed having me   admit that my marriage had no legal standing.


But now I can say it- we are legally married.


She has my name.

And yes- it feels different.