WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?????

Now that same sex couple marriage licenses are being issued in  counties all over NM  the question has been posed to  us just about every day, multiple times a day-  WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?????

I do truly appreciate the enthusiasm, in which people are asking us, and I am really looking forward to being legal as well, but I do not want to have it in some courthouse with just us. I want my wife and slave to have a proper wedding. You know - the dress, the ring, the ritual, the food, and the honeymoon, just like any other traditional interracial leather lesbian couple. HAHAHA!   

So yes, we are talking about getting married, again.

Honestly though – I am going to need to get past my anger first. This may sound stupid, and maybe you won’t understand unless you are not allowed to marry, but I am angry.  I guess now that we can be legal the last 11 years that I have loved, honored, cared for and provided for my wife didn’t matter, and I am supposed to get all excited because now it can matter? What about those years? What about our first wedding – not legally recognized? 

Why am I supposed to jump for joy because I get to jump through government hoops for something that should have always been?  So that I can have half a marriage certificate that is still not state of federally recognized? 

That is what makes me angry and hurt. That is why I am taking this slow- yes I want to marry her legally- but WHAT IF? What if we go get our license and the state does something completely out of left field and I am left with a document that isn’t worth the price of the paper that it was printed on. I can’t bear that thought. That we would marry again this time with the hope and joy if it being legal only to be left holding piece of paper that would be a running joke to those that had taken it away.

It would cut too deeply I think.

On one hand I hold this image of her- wedding gown, flowers, surrounded by loved ones, walking down that isle with a veil. Putting on that ring, doing that first “official” kiss of legal marriage, and the honey moon- yea! That is so sexy- her and I on this big soft bed watching TV, the wedding cake between us and only one spoon.  (What did you think we were going to do?  PERVERT!!!)

But what about all of our other kisses, were they not real enough, “official” enough, did they not matter?

I know – maybe I am over thinking this, but it is how I feel. I know that when we start the official planning for the wedding, this will fall away to the joy that I will feel being her wife in the legal world. But right now- I am her wife. I always have been. We were married, legal or not, and we have been for 8 years.

So when people say to me “so when are you going to get married” I think, I already am married. 

When people say this to me and they know me and my wife and the fact that we had a wedding, and we have been together for 11 years, it makes me pause. I know that they are well-meaning, but it makes me feel like they never really saw us as a married couple. We didn’t go around introducing ourselves as “partner” or “fiance” or “girlfriend” we have always used the word “wife.”  I know that isn’t their intent; but it stings.

So after some talking, my wife and I decided that we weren’t going to do this until we are ready, and that when we do get that piece of paper for us it will be the renewing of vows.We found that was how we could both wrap our heads around this concept of getting  “married” again.

When it is time we will know. And the party will be EPIC! 



UPDATE:  the IRS will recognize same sex marriages federally.  Time to  plan the party!