Hands on class- red faces- and open to being Dominant

I love doing the “Finding your Inner Domme” classes. For me it is really challenging to look at a group of new Dominants, and try to find out what is that thing that is going to make the concept of power exchange click for them and become emotionally real. It is not an easy thing to do with a group of strangers, who have no reference for what I am asking, within an hour and a half. 

When finding someone is looking to experience their inner Dominant, it is their personal connection to power that is the key to getting them to understand their relationship to their Dominance.  This being said- talking about it will only get someone so far. That is why I designed the class to be hands on. People need to experience power exchange to understand it.  They need to connect to that one thing that unlocks their understanding of power and for each person - those can be very different things.

Each person or couple always comes in with their own needs and desires. I work the class around getting them to make the connection between what they really want, and understanding that they can ask for it- unapologetic-ally. Every class is very different, and each time I work with people it reminds me of how fundamentally different people’s connection to their own power really is.

 For some people they have a connection to their power through their toys.  Early in the class I take a break and ask the new Dominants look around for a toy that moves them. I ask them to find what appeals to them, what gets them excited. For some people as soon as they pick up that toy- there is that click- that connection.  Their eyes get wide, and their minds starts spinning and you can see that they have that mind-crotch connection.

Another point in the class I use getting connected to your sexual archetype. This is used to help people understand how being Dominant feels. I ask  people to think about someone that they identify as powerful-  could be anyone-  someone that they know-  someone that they have seen in a movie-  but it is understanding how that person  makes them “feel” that is significant. I always use Aaron Hotchner from Criminal Minds for myself. There is something so beautiful in his quiet power- I think about him when I am looking to connect to my Dominance. For some people that becomes where they connect- you can see their posture change, their eyes light up, their demeanor change, becoming stronger.

Then, as a class, we go through three exercises, one by one. At first we all  do the same exercise, then  by the third exercise I go  couple by couple or person  by person  and individualize what I want to  see from  them.  Some people connect right away at their first exercise. But others it takes the second time, and for some by the third go around they are horny, red-faced, and ready. Or connected rather…. And this is so beautiful to see.

Occasionally there are those that aren’t able to connect with their dominance by the end of the class. That does happen, because the connection for some is really complicated, and really difficult. It is so new, and for many, against a lot of what they either have never challenged in their life, or are hard core wired to believe. For those I can only hope that I gave them something to think about and resources to follow up with.

 BDSM is such a passion of mine. It is such a deep desire to give others the start that I never had. So to watch as the light goes on, as people leave giggly and red faced, and quickly! To see those that need more time, but have experienced something that they know will give them food for thought, and for everyone to have resources, safe resources that mean that-  if they want it- that  their learning gets to continue. 

That means the world to me.