Who knew?

This week has been intense. I am still not doing well. This lung thing always takes me out. But the piece that I keep coming back to is that I have registered and paid for my last semester in school for my Bachelors degree. 

I can’t get my head around it.  This is years and years of wanting this and now it is almost over. It just doesn’t seem possible. My last class is Music Appreciation. If all goes well then I graduate with my BSN in May.  The plan is to wait a year and then look at going back for my Masters Degree. 

That was the goal that I had for myself when I started this journey when I was 18 years old. Back before I knew anything about leather, or that I was gay, or that my life would turn out to be so amazing.

It almost feels like my life was on some weird hold until I found BDSM. Not even leather at that point, just opening that door, that crack into BDSM. Our first scene was when I commanded her to take off my belt. I remember it was raining outside. I was working two jobs and going to school full time, but her body felt so good I called off of my second job to be with her. 

After that was my first flogger. The first time I used it was on her inner thighs. She reached for my pussy with her mouth as I flogged her.

I became out and proud. 

With her support I joined the LGBTQI group on the college campus and before long became the vice president, and then the president. I was organizing the group’s attendance at the Mayors to protest same sex housing discrimination, having the group at the Aids walk, and the protest when a gay youth was killed. 

Although my leather identity was growing I was often left wondering and questioning. People seemed to have a hard time being able to answer my questions without having their own agenda to rule the answer. So because of money- or lack their of- and time, I was left to kind of figure things out on my own. 

My slave was amazing she would print out articles that I could read in between homework assignments. But I didn’t really have someone to talk to. When I tried the internet I was left criticized and without answers. It was weird. On the very rare occasion that I had someone to learn from I asked as many questions as I could and absorbed every word. But those times were rare, and I was already short on time and brain power.

My next growth spurt in BDSM and leather happened when we moved here and got involved in AEL. For years we went every month to the power munches and I felt like my formal education had begun. The people that I met with here knew so much and were open to sharing their experiences. I was challenged, I was told to think, and because of this communities awareness of the economy, we were finally able to afford to go to events.   

The play parties, power munches, private diners and get togethers, the public events taught me so much. it was all so mind blowing. I was so new. I ate it all up. 

I never would have thought that I would have gone on to  be a title holder and then  an organizer, that I would have this house and my slave and I would still be 24/7 more than 13 years later. What are the odds of that?

For the most part I have completed my leather goals, I was a title holder, I organized skills workshops for 5$  at the most 10$ per person, I have thrown  successful and unsuccessful  play parties, I have maintined this blog, I continue to run  the Albuquerque Masters group  and have written two books. One of which my editor says one will be ready for sale by Spring Pan.

So here I am trying to take in my life, my growth, my changes. Feeling so lucky, so blessed to be loved the way that I am, to be challenged to grow, to be challenged to be better, to never settle on my own growth by those that love me.

Who  knew? 


Thank  you to  everyone who ever had me/us over for dinner,   or coffee, thank  you to everyone who  ever let me watch  you play, thank  you to every power munch  presenter, thank you to each and every community organizer who  did a workshop, an  event, or a weekend. Thank  you to  everyone who  has answered my questions and asked them in  return.

Without you I could have never grown.