LIfe with Moishe

About two months ago I went out to feed the horses and I find a bony hair covered thing that turned out to be a puppy tearing up our trash, desperately searching for something to eat. I don’t move towards him, but I called to him to see what would happen. 

At first he gave a little puppy bark, and then he came right over all tail and tongue. I picked him up, he was starving. Then I took him inside and presented him to my slave. I guess we had been adopted. 

 Three days later I took him to our amazing and stunning vet. She assessed him, gave him shots and then checked him for a chip. My heart literally hit the floor when we found that he was chipped.  

 It had been three days of rearranging our lives, but something about him, and the bond had already began to take hold. She called the chip company, the pup was unnamed but the owner had a name, and a phone number. They called him; he refused to relinquish the pup. I even talked to him. His disinterest and irritation came clear across the lines, but he wanted the pup back. He sounded high  as a kite.

So with a heavy heart I welled up in tears and turned the pup over to the vet so that the other owner could come and get him. I left confused, hurt, and full of emotion that I didn’t understand. Five hours later I get a call for my amazing and stunning vet and she explained that the family had not come to claim him. She contacted animal control about the pup’s condition and that he was still there if I still wanted him. 

Only one caveat- the family had up to two weeks to go through animal control and get him back. So I had a choice. 

One- I could take him home and wait for the call from animal control.

Or two I could turn him over to the pound and be the first contacted if he wasn’t claimed. 

I was torn.

It just so happens that I was having lunch with my leather family when this call came through. I asked them what they would do. They didn’t even pause, take him home and give him a good start. The pound is a miserable place for pups, so even if I lose him I will know that I did everything I could.

I took their advice. I went right to the stunning and amazing vets office and got his wiggly, skinny, hairy tail and tongue. The vet did leave me with one thing that helped a lot. She had notified animal control about the condition of the pup, and it just so happens that the chip information stated that the owner lived in Albuquerque.  So  the animal  control officer said that there would have to  be a really good reason  why a 4 month  old puppy got two  cities away from  home.    

So we waited. It was rough at first, but over time things got easier. We fell into a routine and before I knew it I called the animal control officer, and he relinquished the puppy to me. 

So  I excitedly called the chip  company where I was informed by them that they would not turn  the chip  over into  my name until THEY had attempted to  contact the owner,  and I had to  wait another  30 days. I tried to explain that this was a case where the puppy had already been handed over by animal control but they did not budge. It was policy.  

 Again I called animal control and he asked me what my expenses were. I said  about 100$ or so. And he said that he could contact the owner and let him know that to reclaim the pup I would need to be reimbursed. Sounds like a good plan.

So the previous owner never did respond. And 30 days passed, and when  I called the chip company the pup had been turned over in our names. It was official, he was ours. 

I have waited all this time to get him a collar. Well- not true, he had one and he chewed it off.  

So now I get him his officially collar tags and all. 

What has touched my deeply is that we go  walking, him and I. And I had no idea big that hole in my heart was until this. I still miss my Bo. But I talk to Moishe about him. 

And on some days, I think he is right there with us- walking along. 

(So  oddly enough-  Moishe is a relly good puppy.  The one time that we left him  alone as a trial  run well.... see for yourself)

Saturday November 21st : FUCK CANCER

 AEL Kinks that Care and The Albuquerque Masters group bring to you: 

FUCK CANCER

Saturday November 21^st

Door opens at 5:30

Classes start at 6pm

Classes include your choice of:

Cell Popping with Shelby Sue: Learn to create semi-permanent body
modification using a cauterizing pen! Think of this as branding without an
iron. Come feel the heat! This class is limited to 12 people.

 

Tantra with Stan: Join us for an experiential workshop that is sure to send
your sex life through the roof! Come and learn how to add tantric secrets
of energy play into your scenes, create stronger connections, and intensify
orgasms! This class in limited to 14 people.
 

Dinner Service for Submissives with Lori and Jamie: Learn how to maintain
formal dinning wear, how to provide elegant service at the dinner table,
an and add an aire of sophistication that you can take to any table. This
class is limited to 12 people.

*Win!!!*
*Under Bust Corset from Xcentricities*

*and more!*


*Play at 8:30 pm!!!*

If that were not enough to make for an amazing night, plan to stay and join
us for the play party! There will be multiple rooms of dungeon equipment,
and we expect the play to go, and go, and go!

The cost for the entire evening is only $10, plus something to share on the
food table, per person!!!
Please send us your RSVP as soon as possible  to:

   aelmailing@gmail.com

 and include what classes you are interested in attending.

Social Anxiety

So many people in our community suffer from social anxiety. It ranges from just a twinge of it to a debilitating amount. What bring this to mind are a few experiences that I had at Leather Fiesta. I was toot-a-ling along doing my thing and I ran into a few people that either treated me like dirt right way including looking me up and down,  to  ignoring my hello  and scurrying off,  to  blushing and waving hello  without saying anything. 

I get the later two, what is harder to digest is someone I don’t know looking at me like I am scum and walking off.  It is a bad way to give a first impression that will actually color the relationship for years. 

I know this because I was that kind of social anxiety person. 

Someone new and gregarious saying hi to me would for some reason force me into a complex place of defensiveness, anger and scrutiny. No matter what they said, how nice they were, or how they tried to engage me. I just couldn’t. Not only that I was hyper critical of them, what they said, what they wore, what they did. Here is the real kicker- there was absolutely no reason for my defensiveness. 

Nothing that THEY could have done would have changed the emotional outcome for me. 

It took years to change that, to change me. 

So what changed? How did I change?

Well first off- I haven’t changed completely.  I still struggle from time to time. 

Secondly, my slave, she was amazing in holding me accountable to me. When I am struggling with my social anxiety she reminds me that MY ISSUE IS NOT THEIR FAULT.   

And three, my AH HA moment. I was coming out of Exhale, when it used to be Exhale, and this beautiful woman stopped me and asked me where the ATM was. I was rude, dismissive and overly hostile (a defense mechanism tied to feelings of fear and insecurity) for absolutely NO REASON. This was in  NO WAY her fault.

Now to be clear, I haven’t completely conquered this behavior. It still comes out. 

But writing pieces like this reminds me that I am not alone, and that if I continue to hold myself accountable, I can make this better. I may never completely overcome this,  but I can  hold myself up  to  a standard that will  remind me that I CAN be better. 

So for those of you those are socially awkward. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

And when you see those of us that make it look easy, we have also had our hurdles to jump through to make this easier for ourselves.   

What you see can often times be years if not decades of practice in the dark waters of accountability.

My Own Corazon

Last week was Leather Fiesta. It was a really intense experience. As these things tend to go there are lots of highs and some lows, but overall HOLY COW. This year my primary responsibility was Den Bear. In essence I am the contestant wrangler. I talk to them, make sure they get where they need to go, answer questions, and handle issues. I am the contestant advocate. 

What really surprised me was how deeply emotionally vested I was in the contestants. I thought that all of the competitors were so strong in very different ways. But all of them had the ability to make the Albuquerque community better, stronger, more cohesive. And I was going to do my best so that they would not have to worry about what was going on around them. So that they could focus on the competition and what they needed to bring. 

I was determined to be for them-- what I needed for me-- when I competed. Now that the competition is over I am available for them at any time for whatever they may need. The really awesome thing about this competition is that the competitor’s expectations were clearly laid out before they applied.So each competitor knows exactly what it means to fulfill their obligations of their title. If they have any questions they can just go back to their contract. 

I am deeply proud of all of the competitors. All of them competed well and were vested in the event. It was when they were all on stage answering the pop questions that I kind of lost it. I watched them and felt for them and wanted for them. 

I remember that time when  it was me up  there, and I wanted them  to  feel  the support that I was sending to  them.

When the winner was announced – that is always a hard thing. The male contestant was not challenged, but that does not mean he was going to win. He still had to make the points. He still had to impose on the judges that he was the right person; he still had to bring his “A” game. 

And he Did. I was so proud and happy when he was awarded the Patch. 

There were two women competing, but ALSO that does not mean that a patch was going to be awarded. They had to not only compete against each other, but they had to also needed to have the right amount of base points, or the patch was not going to be awarded.

They both really did well. They fought hard, and both brought so much to the table. Had either won, Albuquerque would have been better for it.

The Patch was awarded and I was both simultaneously thrilled and devastated. I was so thrilled for the winner. She had really brought her best self.   

I was devastated for the runner up. She had also fought hard, performed well, and brought her best self.

As much as it was intense for them, it was for me as well. It made me really want for them. I am very competitive as a rule. It is NOT my best trait. I mean really not my best trait. What all of this did get me thinking about was IMsL.

After I   won my title in 2008, I met with the title producer for my local  title and I was discouraged from running for ImsL. I don’t remember why. I do remember that it was then that I let that idea go. But being behind the scenes this weekend, and after all of these amazing changes in my life, I am re thinking about it. 

I don’t know if I could win. Shit- I have no idea if I could even afford to go. 

But maybe the spark that the contestants bought this weekend did more than light the stage on fire.  

Maybe it re lit my own Corazon.