My Own Corazon

Last week was Leather Fiesta. It was a really intense experience. As these things tend to go there are lots of highs and some lows, but overall HOLY COW. This year my primary responsibility was Den Bear. In essence I am the contestant wrangler. I talk to them, make sure they get where they need to go, answer questions, and handle issues. I am the contestant advocate. 

What really surprised me was how deeply emotionally vested I was in the contestants. I thought that all of the competitors were so strong in very different ways. But all of them had the ability to make the Albuquerque community better, stronger, more cohesive. And I was going to do my best so that they would not have to worry about what was going on around them. So that they could focus on the competition and what they needed to bring. 

I was determined to be for them-- what I needed for me-- when I competed. Now that the competition is over I am available for them at any time for whatever they may need. The really awesome thing about this competition is that the competitor’s expectations were clearly laid out before they applied.So each competitor knows exactly what it means to fulfill their obligations of their title. If they have any questions they can just go back to their contract. 

I am deeply proud of all of the competitors. All of them competed well and were vested in the event. It was when they were all on stage answering the pop questions that I kind of lost it. I watched them and felt for them and wanted for them. 

I remember that time when  it was me up  there, and I wanted them  to  feel  the support that I was sending to  them.

When the winner was announced – that is always a hard thing. The male contestant was not challenged, but that does not mean he was going to win. He still had to make the points. He still had to impose on the judges that he was the right person; he still had to bring his “A” game. 

And he Did. I was so proud and happy when he was awarded the Patch. 

There were two women competing, but ALSO that does not mean that a patch was going to be awarded. They had to not only compete against each other, but they had to also needed to have the right amount of base points, or the patch was not going to be awarded.

They both really did well. They fought hard, and both brought so much to the table. Had either won, Albuquerque would have been better for it.

The Patch was awarded and I was both simultaneously thrilled and devastated. I was so thrilled for the winner. She had really brought her best self.   

I was devastated for the runner up. She had also fought hard, performed well, and brought her best self.

As much as it was intense for them, it was for me as well. It made me really want for them. I am very competitive as a rule. It is NOT my best trait. I mean really not my best trait. What all of this did get me thinking about was IMsL.

After I   won my title in 2008, I met with the title producer for my local  title and I was discouraged from running for ImsL. I don’t remember why. I do remember that it was then that I let that idea go. But being behind the scenes this weekend, and after all of these amazing changes in my life, I am re thinking about it. 

I don’t know if I could win. Shit- I have no idea if I could even afford to go. 

But maybe the spark that the contestants bought this weekend did more than light the stage on fire.  

Maybe it re lit my own Corazon.