Excerpt from my AEL Presentation

So –why is it that BDSM protocol is considered different?  So much so that people spend years, if not decades refining it, talking about it and fighting about it. It is something that makes or breaks friendships, partnerships, even marriages. It can determine your social base, as in- do  you hang out with people who believe strongly in it, people who believe it doesn’t apply to them, and people who respect it, but don’t practice.  Who are your friends, and how do your friends reflect your own practices? 

Protocol is something that we use in BDSM for many purposes. Most commonly it strengthens the bonds of power exchange relationships, it creates a hierarchy and structure to showing respect, and it is so ingrained in our BDSM culture that when it is broken it is a “scandal”.   Its like porn- we  may not know what it is but we sure know what its not. We may not always know what protocol is, but we sure do seem to gossip about when it isn’t followed!

Common protocols  that we all  seem to  follow no  matter where we are on  the protocol  spectrum-  of high  to  no  protocol-  saying please and thank you, not playing at the Wet Munch, not drinking  at Leather fiesta,  not having sex at AEL. We can say on one hand that these are the rules and we follow the rules. But are they not also the protocols of that event, that person’s home, that organizers preferences? And what is a protocol but a preferred way of acting, dressing, talking and being?

I think  that what I am  trying to  say here is that protocol  is important because whether you like it or not, whether you are a “non conformists bad ass” or not,  if we don’t follow the social  protocol  then  we don’t get asked back. And you end up  being a very lonely  non conformists bad ass, who  doesn’t get recognized for just how much  of a bad ass you are because  no one wants to  be around you. 

 BDSM  protocol  has a long and  glorious and most likely somewhat fictional  history. As I was beginning to  work on  this I went first to the internet- and I had a blast. I actually fund some amazing, insightful, and through sites to  protocol and printed out some PDF's .  I also  found a lot of hot air. And it smelled funny.

A busy life assumes one full of purpose

(Just an  update-  Pokey is recovering BEAUTIFULLY!   His surgery was without complications and he is trotting around like a 20 year old and flirting and showing off!!! Thank everyone for your well  wishes.)  



I am  seriously behind on my BDSM  homework. Yesterday  I taught a "Finding Your Inner Dominant" class. Thanks  to  eve pulling out my notes early in the week (I truly thought that the class was going to  be cancelled)  I would have stood there and picked my nose for an  hour and a half.  
The class was really amazing and reinvigorating. It was the type of class that I thrive in,  insightful;,  intellectuals who  asked  thoughtful provocative questions.

It was just what I needed!  
 

This Monday coming up  I am  doing AEL.  I am  giving a  presentation on  "Protocol". I write it tomorrow. Any Ideas would be very helpful!

We are prepping for APRIL 30th- I am SO  EXCITED!
The event here with  classes and a play party.  

We are prepping for MAY 7th- I am SO EXCITED!
The event at Sidewinders for Casa Q. eve will be vending and dancing!  

We are prepping for being an AEL  host house.

  I am  teaching a sensory class for Self Serve-  which  I haven't written  an agenda for.





And with  all  of this happening- I am  feeling-  in  a way-  like I will never be enough.


Does that happen to  you? 

Like what you give, like who  you are, will  always come up  short? 

 There is this great quote: "A busy life assumes one full  of purpose".

But what does it mean  when  your life is busy and you still  feel-  not purposeless-  that's not the word.

But-  like if you stop  for one minute, you loose your place in  the world. 

I know that this will pass, as the events come and I see people learning and laughing.  It will  change.  

But right now. It is hard to  see past this place.  


















 

 

Horse stories

Today is Wednesday. On this Friday my Beloved Pokey (the white horse)  goes to get a tumor removed from his penile sheath. It’s totally gross, to quote the vet “that’s gross.” He is 27 years old- old for horses, and they will sedate him to make sure that they get it all.

 Two weeks ago  I re homed Rainey (they are working on  a new name for her- I am  so  excited for her!),  so  it has just been him  and me.  And it feels so incredibly peaceful. I brushed him today. Got home after work and went right out to the pasture. On one side he was white and pristine, on the other he was green- it is the side he sleeps on.

14 years ago when I got him, I never thought that we would be here. In this place, together.  

It is funny where relationships take you. 

Rainey and I ever really gelled; it just took me 5 years to admit it. I was embarrassed by what I felt to be a failure on my part. How could I, an experienced horse person, have made such a mistake?

Rainey used to isolate Pokey. She would move him away from me when I came over. 

But now, with her gone, we can just be together again. Just quietly.

The other day when I had to worm him, he was having a tough time. He was shaking his head up and down and away from me. And then the most amazing thing happened. I started talking and he started listening.  He quieted down as I talked to him. And slowly let me stick the wormer in his mouth and down his throat.  

I had forgotten that about me and him.

With all of the noise that was Rainey in her beauty and slender, I had forgotten how Pokey and I have always connected in our silence, in our soft conversations where we both talk-

I don’t know what Friday will bring.

I do know that Pokey in my life is a blessing and I want for him all the joy and peace that life can bring.

And hay.  He would want the hay. 

Hands ON Classes

AMG and AEL  Kinksills are throwing “Depraved Beltane” on  April  30^th.


There will be classes and a play party.
10.00$ per person to get in. (If you can’t afford that Please contact me!)


Doors open at 5 PM.
Please bring a pot luck item.

Classes start at 5:30.  All classes are HANDS on.

 How to "read" your scene with HandyDan and trina  5:30- 7 

 "Littles" hands on by Sir B   5:30- 7

Wax play by Ninjet     7-8:30

Fire flogging with Tucker     7-8:30




There will be a limited raffle- 5 items-  

Featuring:

 “The Great Clothespin War”

“Something Special from your Mr. Corazon Leather 2015”

AND MORE TO  COME!

Party starts at: 9 pm.
To RSVP please contact me on Fetlife  Master _ _ Bear  or my email at: bigdykebear@yahoo.com


When you RSVP you will get directions.
CANT WAIT!!!!

Gossip

I honestly can’t tell you if  MOST gossip is a bad thing. I know that in severe cases it can  cost someone their job, their children, their house. But that isn't because of the gossip  itself.  It is because of how people feel  justified in  treating another person  based on  what they have heard and not what they have  experienced.    

But I think that in  most cases gossip is pretty harmless and ALL gossip is transitory. It is never static. It comes, it goes, it constantly changes.   

There is gossip about every single one of us out there. Good, bad, meant to change views, or spread in harmless fun. I like a good piece of gossip. I do. I won’t lie on that. BUT I strive to not let gossip change how I treat someone.  Or at least I thought I could stand by that. 

I have had gossip  spread about how I was abusive to my slave,  how I single handedly brought down  RGL , how I tore this community apart during my title year, how I  said or did things that I never did,  or did do. Because I have done some shit. I have. And I cop to that.

However over the last year something has happened. And it has continued to grow about me in a way that has started to affect how I treat others. And don’t want it to.  I don’t want what others say ABOUT me to change WHO I am to the point where it changes HOW I believe I should conduct myself.

So I am talking here an openly and as honestly as I can. I am not using names.  

I first learned about the local Mast group through a second hand person who was talking about the party that they had gone to. That was the first time I learned that Mast was up and running.

This was an utter shock to me because not more than two months prior I have been talking with the head of Mast over coffee and we talked about doing a joint project. I remember distinctly telling this person that I would happily support whatever they had plans for and they said that they doubted any organization would be happening, but they would keep me posted. 

I came to find out later that before this conversation happened between the two of us they had already put in the application for a Mast chapter and had chosen a preliminary board.  

Later in  the year as people were asked to  join  Mast they would come back  to me and say that they were told that I had met with  the head of Mast and had told that person that I was supportive of Mast but wanted nothing to  do  with  it.  

I was stunned.  Literally stunned out of my seat.

I was hurt and angry and well- not just angry but also disgusted and furious. 

Over that year it became very clear to me that me, and several other Masters like me, that we were “persona non grata” at Mast.  None of us knew why, we still don’t.

Then I had it confirmed.  

Some who spoke with me directly said that they were told face to face by the head of Mast that again:  we had sat down discussed Mast and that I supported it but wanted nothing to do with it.

So I went to the head of Mast. And I said – this is what I am hearing. And this person said that we were at a mutual friend’s party, talked about Mast and that I told them that I would support it but wanted nothing to do with it.  

I was stunned; I sat there reading the email with my mouth hanging open. I had never attended a party at this other person’s house. This conversation between the head of Mast and I never happened. I am saying it now with anger, hurt, frustration and a sense of utter loss.   

I am telling you -This conversation never happened.

To the contrary- I support Mast. I am not interested in running a chapter, and I have written about that before.  The whole pressure to have people pay dues and maintain growth makes me nervous. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want it to happen, in fact I would have happily folded the AMG if I had known that a Mast was starting. That way there would have been a pooling of limited resources, as Albuquerque is small. 

However their intentional exclusion of myself, my slave and other Masters and slaves has left me saddened that this is how Mast believes in building community.  And left me striving to maintain AMG because I believe in the inclusion of ALL. Whether I agree with the person or not, whether they have money or not, whether they look the part or not. 

At the end of the day though- this boils down to me. To me holding myself to the standard of treating people well no matter what they say about me.  Of swallowing my pride and letting what I DO speak for itself.  

Also to be clear here. I do support Mast. I encourage people to go and see what they think, so they find out for themselves if it is the right fit for them. Despite Masts exclusion of me- I still send people their way if I think it is a good fit for them. And I will  continue to  do  so .

And I am working on my anger and my hurt. Trying hard to not let it rule my mouth. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. But this community deserves better from me. From all its leaders. 

So I will try harder, because you deserve it.