Self Serve this Wednesday

 Hello all, I am  teaching at Self Serve this Wednesday. Here are the details:


Come join Keli "Master Bear" as she leads you through playing with sensation. Learn how to start, how to think outside of the box, and how to make what you fantasize become a reality. Sensation play is more than touch, it is about erotically coming alive in the hands of another. This is a Hands on class- couples encouraged. If you are single be prepared to be doing this on yourself.

Self Serve  offers an early bird discount for the first 7, paid signups up to two days before the class.

To  RSVP:  505-265-5815

Not today Mr. Lennon!!

The last few weeks have been a fury of BDSM activity at the Casa De Oso. A few weeks back we had a fundraiser at our place, the classes were so good! Fire play, Wax, littles, and   how to read your scene. The party was hot; I was pumped and so happy to once again be hosting an event. I just couldn’t stop smiling.  There are some people that when I watch them play I feel so much joy!  The next week was the Daddies event, a fundraiser for Casa Q. eve was ON FIRE!  We got to have a late dinner with the man who is Walking Leather History. There were some phenomenal Wet Munches in between here and there. I taught at Self Serve.  Last week we hosted for AEL and Monday night I went to the power munch. I love listening about leather families. 

How amazing my life has become.

It was a big difference for us between organizing an event/fundraiser and having AEL handle the whole night.  At one point my slave and I looked at each other and said to each other “we don’t have to do shit! IT’S GREAT!!!”

In comparison to running our event where we are getting teachers, arranging times, and working on the raffle. Having AEL come in  and handle everything was sooo sweet- like buttuh… 

At one point Whip  Daddy came to us and said “you  know you guys can play. The family has got this.” At that point my heart just melted. I have wanted to play with my slave in public for a while.  But there just hasn’t been time, or energy, or lack of pain  after doing a bunch  of stuff,  like vending,  or teaching. I have wanted to and wanted to but something has truly gotten  in the way every time. 

Last time we were set for some hanky panky the toilet exploded- LITERALLY. Let me tell you, after de clogging the septic tank, it is HARD to get back in the mood. (Thank you tons J.)

Or the dog has gotten into the neighbors yard, or the new horse has made a go at the fence line, or I need to  get hay,  or the daily needs have piled up and have to get done. 

We have this amazing equipment and space and more toys then I ever thought that I could have. And the one thing that is slowly slipping through my hands is time.  

I am teaching a class next week for self serve - a sensation play class on the 1^st. I can’t wait for my slave to be in there with me.  So that I have the ability to slow down and take time with her, like I love to do.

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." - John Lennon

So this weekend- I want it to be the other way around Mr. Lennon. I have no intention of making any plans so that I can have life happen.

I hurt- you fix it

When I presented at AEL a few weeks back I brought forth the concept that “protocol” can be used as a gateway or excuse for abuse. One of the underlying concepts here is how a partner can isolate. 

So what I said at the presentation was when partner A goes to partner B and says. “That person makes me uncomfortable”. And partner B says “oh honey I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, I don’t have to spend as much time around them.” And this continues until Partner B has limited friends, limited social outings, limited home gatherings, and is effectively isolated. Because over time Partner A is “uncomfortable “with more and more people or select people that represent a group as a whole. 

But I wanted to take this a part a little more. 

The problem isn’t that partner A is uncomfortable or that partner B wants to alleviate that discomfort.  

The problem is that partner A needs for partner B to change so that partner A can “feel” better. That is where the danger lies. On both sides. 

So  first off partner A. Understand that in  the beginning partner A will  feel  emotional  release when  partner B steps back  or away from  someone that they feel  uncomfortable by.  Partner A feels empowered, supported, and in control. They feel like their partner is really behind them and that can be really intoxicating.

But that feeling won’t and cant last.  

It will have a high, and then it will leave.  And with each new person that they experience their discomfort with they will feel less of that original feeling of empowerment, control and support. The high from “you change so that I can feel better” fades over time which means that the emotional requirements of partner A will get more extreme. This can play itself out by  partner A  becoming more and more accusatory, picking fights, or exaggerating how they were treated to  get a stronger emotional reaction  out of partner B.

The problem does not lie in  partner A  feeling uncomfortable.  The problem lies with partner A only feeling better when partner B changes their actions.  This leads to partner B being blamed for partner A’s emotions. When in reality although partner A is allowed to feel whatever they need to, it is their responsibility to handle their own emotions in a healthy manner. 

I am  not talking about  the amount  of  give and take that every relationship  must have,  even  M/s ones. I am talking about a systematic and manipulative way of handling emotions that sets people up for failure. 

Partner B is then between a rock and a hard place. They feel that their actions can control the outcome of partner A ‘s  feelings. Which leaves them consistently focused on partner A and what partner A  needs to feel better. In essence they take responsibility for the emotions of another, while partner A takes no responsibility for how they feel in the first place. 

What makes this unhealthy? Why is this different then accommodating your partner in things that we do every day? 

What makes this unhealthy is -  

Partner A takes no accountability for how they feel. They blame others for how they feel and they instigate or exaggerate encounters to create emotional intensity.   This isn’t about voicing how they feel and then finding comfort in the response, then from there dealing with those emotions in a healthy way.  (Doing self care, doing a hobby, engaging in activates that build a sense of self…) 

This is “I hurt- you fix it”

 And one person cannot fix another.

Partner B is then convinced that they can make someone feel a certain way, and that means that they take personal responsibility for the other person’s emotions.  When partner A is upset, it is partners B’s fault in some way.  And from there the thought of “if only I had done better, they wouldn't be upset” begins.

In partnerships, we all get hurt, we all feel joy, we all feel disappointment, and we all feel support. (Hopefully.) 

Taking personal accountability for how you feel is one of the hardest things that you can do. You may not have a lot of control over how you feel. Feeling jealously, feeling unloved, feeling unneeded those are all parts of an emotional life. 

But expecting your partner to dance around how you feel to the point where they change parts of their life that matter to them. Is not only unhealthy for them it is unhealthy for you.

Changes

I am  going through  some changes.

I am  thinking hard about what I am  doing,  what I am  becoming, what I want, and what I need.
I love my part in  the community.  It makes me feel  like I matter. This  of course being a double edged sword. To  keep  feeling like I matter,  I have to  keep  being relevant in  some fashion.

I love being the educational  person  for the wet munch,  hosting for AEL  and doing fundraisers for "our" community.  Publishing my book  on  M/s was a huge milestone. Running the AMG was very fulfilling as I got to  hear other peoples perspectives on M /s.

But I am  feeling like-   I am  missing something.

I guess it is the times when we are most secure that we are able to  feel  the most  unfulfilled.  

The times without crisis that allow us to  have  introspection  and insight. 

The times when  we are sure of who  we are in  our lives and our relationships that allow us the freedom  of asking ourselves "who am I?" and  "who do I want to be?"

So I think I am there now.  


What is my next step?

And  how can  I stop running myself into  the ground because the need to  matter is an  overriding visceral  need---- that more then  borders on  the unhealthy side?

I am  blessed though- to  be  in a place where I am  safe and secure enough  to  ask  myself these things, and to  be able to  know that they may not be answers. 

And that needs to  be OK  to.  


 



 
 
 

Pictures for TONGIHT !!!!

raspberry lemonade

unscented whipped body butter 

green  tea and cucumber 

bay leaf and tobacco 

juicy couture 

green  tea and cucumber











  floral  and sage  

 Dirty Dave

grapefruit champagne

THIS Saturday MAY 7th at Sidewinders

THIS Saturday at Sidewinders

From  8-midnight

10$ per person  at the door

Proceeds to  benefit Casa Q


PERFORMERS:  MY EVE WILL BE DANCING!!! 

MR Corazon Leather  2015
EVE
ALEX
Betty Page,
Mr San  Fransisco
Juliane Wolf
Mr. Michael  Evans




VENDORS:  MY EVE WILL BE VENDING!!!!  
Laughing Goddess
Twizted Wax
Tease
 Hey Pretty Lady (lashes)
 BC4M
Mustache Guy
Moonlight Creations
Gearworks
Moments in Metal
 January Shop

There will  be  nacho bar,  a display of colors, a dog pound, and MORE!