The meeting

A few months ago there was a disaster that some called a meeting. The two people that called the meeting only invited people that they knew. So I was called by default, as they didn’t know me, but I was a part of something that they did know. I knew it was going to be bad when as everyone took their seats you could have split the room in half. On one side where the whites, mostly hets.  On the other side were the rest of us.  People who weren’t included all, and I do mean NOT AT ALL - where the gays.  

This was a meeting about what to do about predators in the community. 

I had heard all of this before.  The “original” ideas from  the organizers of this meeting  were to  create some sort of vetting system before someone was  allowed  into  the community and  creating a tribunal  or  court system  of sorts to  police our community. 

I was fuming. As the organizers talked what ran through my head was “You are the fuckers who allow drugs and alcohol at your parties.  I’ve been picking up your messes due to NON CONSENT for months.” 

When they refused to  discuss this communities  racial disparities saying it was   a ”rabbit hole” I thought “fuck  decorum.” 

The organizers had no idea about NCSF, KAP, or the abundant resources that those websites provide. Thankfully, and I do mean extremely thankfully, one of the attendees had handouts from both places. As the organizers struggled to build their own information from scratch she was able to say “this has already been done.  And here it is.” 

So these people, some who claim to be sexual resources for this community, had NO IDEA that there were already resources out there.

As they were talking about a vetting system, I asked them about how that was going to work. Specifically and in real time. They said that people would not be able to attended events until they went to one of their classes.   

 So I said “So I have to stop people coming from my personal events until they attend one of your classes? I have to stop new people from coming for a week or month or more until they have attended your classes?” 

Silence.

Then I said  I said “What if someone has   30  or 40  years experience,  do they  need to  go  to  your class?  Do I need to go? “

They said yes, and why would I not want to go? I just shook my head.

It was when they were talking about a court that I really blew. 

They were asked who would run the court and they generously offered.  

 So I spoke up because at that point I am boiling.  I said “So I am a predator, right here, right now. I am  running events out of my house and I refuse to  come  to your court,  or rather I do,  and refuse to  abide by what you say.  What are you going to do?” 

The room fell silent. 

The talk of putting up a list of “offenders” was very quickly shot down as the legalities and the very real possibilities of being sued for slander were discussed.

The meeting ended and I went to the organizers and I said “where are the Women’s dinner, Daddies, Boys, and Bears? If this is a meeting about this whole community, why weren’t they invited?”

Their answer “well I don’t know them.”

It was the maelstrom of complete stupid that happened after this meeting that made me shake my head.  

The organizers and their cronies went on FET and started talking. 

 As stupid will do.  

 About how they are “the only ones that want to make this community better, and how this community is only run by white male, heteros.  And how they- the one true voice- did their best to make our community safe, but alas, could not.”  Then they left the community.

No shit.

So  let’s be clear here-  the top organizers in  our community are three bisexual  women,  four  lesbians (one of color), four gay men  of color, and two het guys. 

They invited only people that they knew. That means that they only knew---- white, het, men. 

That shows more about their life choice bigotry then it does this about this community.

Secondly I do believe in a safer community.  But I believe in  creating a safe community though  modeling,  providing  classes,  and providing events where people are expected to  be safe and called on  it when  they are not. 

Creating a court means that me and others like me would never be allowed in this community.  All  that it  would take  is the  “court”  having their own  agenda,  and bam  I would be out.  So would my slave, and so would the gays.  

Because they already showed their bigotry and bias by NOT INVITING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

This community is ONLY as safe as we choose it to be.   

AND when I say “we” I mean YOU. 

The safety of this community boils down to a personal responsibility on each and every one of us.

This community is only as safe as you choose it to be.  

As you push it to be. 

As you hold it accountable to be.  

As you, personally, make to it so that it is.