PICS GALORE!! FOR LEATHER FIESTA!!!

I cant believe that it is almost here!

I am  so  excited although  honestly speaking I am  going to  be in  way over my head.  I am  going to  be Den  Bear, in essence, I am  the contestant wrangler for the contest.
I am also  doing flogging at the tastings and vending as well. I am SO EXCITED! 

My amazing slave is dancing, vending and  teaching:   
 (See her class here)  


 http://nmleatherleague.com/lf-15-presenters/slave-eve/



So  out of PURE EXCITEMENT I thought that you might like a preview of  what is on  the up coming  vending table!

Cthulu sees you soaps

The cute face of Cthulu

side view of the layers

Heart Soaps

THE BOOK!!!!

Keli's Serenity Soap

Day of the Dead  Sugar Skull  Soaps

Erzulie Freda  Sacred Soap 

I do not “become more” by making her “feel less.”

I am writing this on Sunday. It is the day after the AEL play party.  Today is a “just one thing” day. I am so overwhelmed and tired that I am going to pick just one thing to do and make that one thing happen.

 I have been foaming at the mouth all week about going to AEL. I love the parties, the hosts are spectacular, and the play is mmmmmmmm. Plus my slave and I really need that concentrated time for each other.   

And then it happened. 

About 8:30am Saturday morning I started to get phone calls from a new patient of mine. It is my day off, but when people are new to service I don’t mind taking the calls. That however steamrolled into me working from 8:30am-3pm. Right at 3 my slave had a consultation with a new client. And that went until 5. At 5:30.  We were both so tired that thinking hurt. 

At 6:30 we were supposed to start getting ready for the party, and I couldn’t move my ass off the couch. Forget play- I am not sure I knew my own name. 

OK- that was the preempt. 

What I really want to talk about is the concept that “a powerful slave somehow detracts from the Master”. What made me think about this are the clients that my slave has.  When she wanted to start working on herbs I supported her fully. That support wasn’t just lip service, I also asked her about her progress often, sometimes several times in one day, and gave her budgets as money allowed.   That support has continued through other explorations of body soaps, lotions, oils, and so on. I have always wanted her to be successful, to feel success and to know that she is completely capable. My slave having a sense of pride, self worth, determination, and ability outside of our relationship is really important to me. 

There are Masters out there that really believe and emotionally get off on making their slaves feel less then, diminished, incapable, and unworthy. I have talked to some. I understand the thought process. It is about making the Master the core of the slave’s universe. 

The slave is less than the Master and they need to feel that to their soul. The slave is diminished not just in  the presence of their Master but in  service to  their Master.  The slave is incapable and needs to depend on their Master for their next instruction. The slave is unworthy unless the Master decides otherwise and rewards the slave with their time, attention, or play. 

So here is my conflict with that opinion. I am not intimidated by my slave’s power. My feeling of empowerment through my Mastery although connected to her submission is not connected to her inability to grow, act, or make good choices.  I do not “become more” by making her “feel less.” It is exactly the opposite. I grow stronger in my Mastery the stronger and more self assured she grows. I do not get my own feelings of self worth from her being diminished. In fact it is her empowerment that makes me feel pride in her submission. 

So although I understand the thought process, it is my firm belief that this emotional need is deeply rooted in a Master that is insecure. They have a need for others to fail so that they can feel empowered and successful. 

I believe that this type of Master is the most dangerous kind, because those words- when only spoken - make some sort of sense. People can kind of sit back and go “yea, I can see that” the slave empowers the Master by being in the shadows.

But those words when put into practice make a totally different game. 

So, have you ever had a boss that would take credit for your ideas, tell you one thing, then when you completed  that thing the boss would go  off because  is not what they wanted,  or insist that you constantly do things not because they need them, but because they can ask  you to  do  them?

Now take that into the bedroom, into BDSM, into the relationship where you are the most bare, the most raw and exposed, where you are incorporating how you think about yourself, your life, and your abilities. 

Then ask yourself “what would be left of the self?”

Then ask yourself “how would this then spill over to your vanilla life?”

Then ask yourself “when was the last time you watched porn?”

The third question is just for fun, but also a PSA for you to watch more porn.

ANNOUNCING: The New Mexico Curmudgeon Contest

So to help everyone lighten the mood about the upcoming leather contest, my slave and I have talked about starting a “New Mexico Curmudgeon” contest. There will be three judges and each contestant will be judged in six categories.

1) The bitch category:  how well the contestant can bitch about an issue in the community.

2) The fantasy: each contestant will be judged on   5 minutes of whatever the fuck they want to do at that time

3) The nap: how well the contestant can nap on cue

4) The best post scene arthritic walk

5) Hot wear: extra points for holes and stains

6) The answer to the on stage question: which will be “what the fuck?” 

The winner’s responsibilities: the sash needs to be in ONE piece at the end of the year. 

The winners rights: none.

Don’t let the Toy define YOU

I find it interesting that many Tops are defined through their toys, or their types of play.  When I was first learning single tail, my teacher pushed the issue for me to use both hands and to move my body. He really pushed for me to NOT be defined by the toy that I was using or to allow that toy to determine the play.  Since then I have taken his words and ran with them. The toy doesn’t define the play- the people do. BDSM toys are expensive and learning to  use them  in  ways that are unconventional,  unexpected and through  is something that I am always challenging myself and those that I work  with  to do. 

A flogger isn’t really a flogger; it is an impact toy with the handle and the falls.  It is also a butt plug, and a   great way to incorporate predicament bondage, or sensation play. Needles aren’t just needles, they are corsets, wings, and dream catchers. Canes are not just canes they are gags, tools used to position a bottom, build tension by sound, and a myriad of other things. 

It is easy to get caught up in the conventional use of toys. Just as easy as it is to get caught up in only using your dominant hand, or dominant stance. Those types of things limit your play.  Next time stop and take a look at the bottoms WHOLE body- what part haven’t you flogged, caned, or poked? Their inner thighs? Their chest? Their feet, their inner arms? What haven’t your touched, caressed, or played with lately and how can you take your favorite toy and make it worked for that body part? The biggie question “where is their erogenous zone?"And how can you take any toy and use it there? 

(For those of you who identify your erogenous zone as “the brain” – such as myself- your possibilities are LITERALLY endless.)

Next time you play-   USE YOUR OTHER HAND. Don’t get stuck in what is comfortable, use both hands equally, it will expand where and how you can play. Step back forth, as well as side to side and see how that opens up opportunities with the bottom.  You will eye that new spot that you haven’t worked with before. Make the entire bottom the toy not the implement in your hand.

Expanding your play is NOT all about expanding you toy box. I am not going to lie- it does help. But a computer or work chair has just as many options as a cross does.  A couch has just as many options as a spanking bench does.

If you want to challenge yourself even further- every toy that you own should be able to be used as a warm up, intense mid play, and cool down toy.  EVERY TOY. Every part of your body- insert giggle here- should be able to be used as a warm up, intense mid play and cool down toy. Don’t limit yourself to your flogger- let your flogger be your gateway to creativity and possibilities.

Next time you play DON’T USE TOYS. OOOO- WHAT?????  Yep, take the toys out of the play and see what you can do with your hands, your hair, your tongue, your imagination.

 Play is about the PEOPLE. Not about the toys. 

Expand your play, expand yourself-

honoring my skill

It has been a lot of fun over here at the “House of Bear”. So much good is happening. My slave is working her ass off to get prepared for the upcoming events we have, October 3^rd, October 10^th, and the amazing Leather Fiesta on October 30^th. Not only does the house need to come together, but she is also making tons of stuff for the basket on the 3^rd, and for her vending at Leather Fiesta.

The good news is that her class at Self Serve and her performance at Pornatopia are done. So now it is just plowing forward. So I am going out and meeting with people as she stays home and works away. Honestly I have the easy job! LOL!

Last week I went to the AEL play party “Stag”.  It was awesome! What I really love is that our community has so many talented people. People with years of experience that just shine in skill and the ability to teach others. To really work others through things and get them comfortable and safe.  There were a lot of new people and the cool  thing was that I could say to  them “OK  go  watch  ------“  and then  come back  to me and tell  me what you think. Or “I want you to meet this person.  They are excellent at ----“.

How cool is that?

 I also had the mind blowing offer of being someone’s first. Wow. That is such an amazing thing for me. I am always honored that people would ask. So I had a blast, it wiped me out! But the reality is that I feel that it is always a rough place to be someone’s first. I never really know how they are going to take things, how they will register with what I am doing emotionally. Normally my play is overtly sexual. My goals are to either to either sexually excite who I play with, or to turn them into post play goo. Those end products allow me to feel successful in play, like I have really created an emotional experience for the person that I play with.

BUT- when it comes to a new person they honestly don’t know what to expect, and what does it for me truly may not do it for them. I love using my fingertips and finger nails, I love finding erogenous zones and building sexual tension. But not everyone enjoys that. 

Also the real difference between S&M and D&S becomes glaring.  I need D&S to get into play. I need the concepts of Dominance and the bottom submitting to me for it to go to my crotch. For it to build in me. But a new person may have a serious negative reaction to that act.  And part of playing with a new person is being aware of that.  This experience brought so much to me.  It reminded me of all of the responsibility that being a person’s first holds. And the mind fields that new play can truly be. 

Wow.

I am still processing this experiencing. Double and triple thinking myself. Was I through? Did I give them what they needed? Was I safe? Did I help them to have insight? Did I help them connect the dots? 

Geez- it’s like fucking a virgin. Honestly playing with someone the first time you have no idea what you are walking into, and all of the negotiation and safety can’t protect you from another’s psyche.

I loved it though. I was honored.  It made me learn about myself and another, it made me hold my skill and limits accountable. It made me realize how much service makes me wet. How much I am so lucky in this life. 

Not everyone should play with a person their first time out. (Not every person no matter their years experience should play…But that is another story.) There are a lot of times where I will politely decline. I am honored and truly grateful for the asking. 

However part of honoring my skill is knowing when to say “no, their needs are out of my league.”

Cool.