It has been a lot of fun over here at the “House of Bear”. So
much good is happening. My slave is working her ass off to get prepared for the
upcoming events we have, October 3rd, October 10th, and
the amazing Leather Fiesta on October 30th. Not only does the house
need to come together, but she is also making tons of stuff for the basket on
the 3rd, and for her vending at Leather Fiesta.
The good news is that her class at Self Serve and her
performance at Pornatopia are done. So now it is just plowing forward. So I am
going out and meeting with people as she stays home and works away. Honestly I have
the easy job! LOL!
Last week I went to the AEL play party “Stag”. It was awesome! What I really love is that
our community has so many talented people. People with years of experience that
just shine in skill and the ability to teach others. To really work others through
things and get them comfortable and safe.
There were a lot of new people and the cool thing was that I could say to them “OK
go watch ------“
and then come back to me and tell me what you think. Or “I want you to meet this
person. They are excellent at ----“.
How cool is that?
I also had the mind
blowing offer of being someone’s first. Wow. That is such an amazing thing for
me. I am always honored that people would ask. So I had a blast, it wiped me
out! But the reality is that I feel that it is always a rough place to be someone’s
first. I never really know how they are going to take things, how they will
register with what I am doing emotionally. Normally my play is overtly sexual.
My goals are to either to either sexually excite who I play with, or to turn them
into post play goo. Those end products allow me to feel successful in play, like
I have really created an emotional experience for the person that I play with.
BUT- when it comes to a new person they honestly don’t know
what to expect, and what does it for me truly may not do it for them. I love
using my fingertips and finger nails, I love finding erogenous zones and building
sexual tension. But not everyone enjoys that.
Also the real difference between S&M and D&S becomes
glaring. I need D&S to get into
play. I need the concepts of Dominance and the bottom submitting to me for it
to go to my crotch. For it to build in me. But a new person may have a serious negative
reaction to that act. And part of
playing with a new person is being aware of that. This experience brought so much to me. It reminded me of all of the responsibility
that being a person’s first holds. And the mind fields that new play can truly
be.
Wow.
I am still processing this experiencing. Double and triple thinking
myself. Was I through? Did I give them what they needed? Was I safe? Did I help
them to have insight? Did I help them connect the dots?
Geez- it’s like fucking a virgin. Honestly playing with someone
the first time you have no idea what you are walking into, and all of the negotiation
and safety can’t protect you from another’s psyche.
I loved it though. I was honored. It made me learn about myself and another, it
made me hold my skill and limits accountable. It made me realize how much
service makes me wet. How much I am so lucky in this life.
Not everyone should play with a person their first time out.
(Not every person no matter their years experience should play…But that is
another story.) There are a lot of times where I will politely decline. I am
honored and truly grateful for the asking.
However part of honoring my skill is
knowing when to say “no, their needs are out of my league.”
Cool.
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