Identity is not something that you can graduate into

How amazing would it be if someone else could just hand out your identity? You would not have to struggle, think, or otherwise work for who you are.  It would just be there. Bam-- signed and sealed.  If ever you had any doubt about who you are, or if someone else had doubt about who you are, you could just show them your papers.  Master, slave, submissive, brat, masochist. Daddy, Dome, or Service Top.  Even have it notarized to erase any doubt. 

How easy would that be? 

Next time someone says “You’re not a ….”  You could just show them your card.  It says right here “The International Board of BDSM certifies that I am a…”Then they would look at the card reverently and say “well yes, I must have been mistaken.” 

Next time you doubted your abilities, double thinking who you are, and what you have to offer you can pull out your card and remind yourself that you are certified.

Here is the thing with that, well couple of things really. 

The first being - what is given can also be taken away.  So let’s say the Board of yucky yuck decided that you are a Master. Card carrying, certified, trained, and the whole bit.  Then one they change, or nothing changes and they decide – nope – you aren’t a Master anymore. New rules, so sorry, surrender your card.  So where does that leave you?

Shamefully enough, there are camps out there that people pay for that will in essence certify a person as a Master.  Now yours truly here is already out of the running because I can afford to go. So first you have to able to afford to go.  Then you have to pass the qualifiers that someone else made up that suits them for Mastery, and then you get a cap.  You graduate, so to speak.  

Now I am not opposed to these scamps, they create dialogue, they open ideas, and some teach skill and insight. Where my problem is has to do with the idea that you can graduate into an identity. 

The same for slave camps, or submissive camps.  You take the course, you pass the tests, hopefully (cause you paid for the course instead of paying the rent) and WHOOLA! The work is over.  You are certified.

What if- just spit balling here- what if you don’t agree with what is being taught?  What if you don’t fit into the group by appearance, physical ability/disability, or financial limitations? What if you can’t take their teachings and make them apply to your life?  What if you pass the course, become a certified Master or slave then really find out you are neither one of those things.  

I like classes. I love camps. But I think that identity is much more complex then 5 days following someone elses path. I think that the beauty of BDSM is that we have to fight for who we are. We have to  think  about,  ponder, and experience BDSM.  You  have to  figure out where BDSM  fits in  your life  as your life changes and grows. And at the same time, as social beings, who we are is reflected in the community around us. 

I would have loved to have been given a certificate that says “Master” on it.  So that way, every time I was questioned, or I was struggling I could just remind myself that someone says I am a Master, so it must be. It would have made my life so much easier. 

But it would have taken from me was well. I am not a Master because someone else says I am.  I am a Master because I say I am. My slave is not a slave because say she is; she is slave because she says she is.  And no one can take these things from us because we have earned them within ourselves.  

Identity is not something that you can  graduate into, it is something that you have to  grow into with  insight and time.