don’t yuck my yum

I didn’t hear the phrase “don’t yuck my yum” when I lived in Florida, or for the first few years I was here in Albuquerque.  The first time I really started hearing it repeatedly and consistently was from NMFL (New Mexico FetLifers) a few years ago.  The idea is to not downplay or ridicule someone else’s desires just because they are different from yours. Since then this concept has grown to be a part of our culture. I positive, powerful, and daily part of our understanding of one another.   

It wasn’t until I was having a recent conversation with a newbie that the depth of this phrase truly hit me.  Don’t “yuck my yum” isn’t about just “live and let live”, it is greater than that. It is a responsibility that people that have been doing BDSM a while have to the new people to encourage and support where they are.  

Don’t “yuck my yum” is not passive. It is a call to action, and not an easy one.  

Supporting someone through their beginner years is a tough challenge.  They may get with  people  that you view are dangerous for them,  they may pick  up  and completely fall  in  love with a skill  that you feel is beyond them , or  they may be moving so  slow that you find it hard to  be there for them.  But all of this is "don’t yuck my yum". 

Don’t yuck their choice of friends or play partners. It is who they are drawn to. I believe that many times they need those experiences to be able to make better decisions in the future.  We, as more experienced players feel the need to yuck on this. We call it guiding and protecting them.  But in reality we aren’t.  We are making decisions for them that they need to make themselves.  This is about their path- not ours. 

We may find a need to yuck that skill that the newbie is absolutely mesmerized by.  Especially if it is a really advanced one.  However, by supporting them through it and putting your own opinions aside, it makes them a more confident and possibly skilled player. Again the focus is on them. Not yucking that deep down yum they just felt when they picked up that toy. The only way ANYONE will ever get better with any toy, at any time, is practice. A newbie that falls in love with the single tail on their first day, GREAT! Teach them how to be safe, instead of trying to talk them out of it.  Support the YUM.

 Letting them  go  at their own  pace,  being available  to  answer their questions,  but not pushing them  to  be what they cant be at that moment, whether that be faster or slower.  This is all about supporting those amazing first few months of yum and self discovery.  That is the same as pushing people into a role that they don’t really want to be in. Let them yum in a way that works for them.  

 It is a delicate balance between pushing them to realize the potential that you see in them, and respecting where they need to be.  

Not yucking someone’s yum is much more than just saying “ok if that works for you”. It is about hearing and seeing things that you may disagree with, then putting your own self aside and assessing whether your yuck is really valuable to them, or simply your opinion.

Its work and the hard kind at that.