I am working
with this person who is new to BDSM. They come from a world completely different
then mine. I find their prospective very interesting. Literally, we are night
and day. I don’t often allow myself to
hang out with newbie’s this much. I
figure that there are much better people to see them through the beginning stages
then me.
But, there
is something that I am really getting out of this. Maybe it is the timing,
maybe it is where I am emotionally, and maybe it is because who this newbie is.
Insightful, caring, and funny as hell.
We talk a
lot about things that I am personally passionate about. Like history, play, sex,
and responsibility. It fascinates me to talk
to someone whose only reference to BDSM is 50 shades. Out of curiosity I watched the movie
myself. I loved the homage’s to The Secretary.
Both dominates are named Mr. Grey, they both
put pens in a line, and they both miss understand themselves to believe that because
the love BDSM they are bad people. So many crossovers.
My beef with
50 shades (among other things) was that there was no training period for the
submissive. So the submissive was not given
a grace period to learn how to act and to figure out for themselves how they feel
about what they were agreeing to. This
takes away from the submissive ability to truly understand themselves.
The punishment
scene was brought on by the dominant not liking what he was hearing and getting
angry. It was done out of anger and he allowed the submissive to goad him by saying
“I want to know how bad it can be”.
This lead to
a very interesting conversation between the newbie and myself.
My comment was “she wanted
to know how bad it can be. Well, that has little to do with the body. A person can
recover from a beating but a broken psyche is something that is much harder to
fix.”
It also lead
me to ask the newbie “as far as the
punishment scene went, who was responsible for stopping the punishment
before it got to an unhealthy point.”
This is
where I had some fun. I knew how the newbie
was doing to answer, and they did
not disappoint.
“The sub” they said.
I said “think
again, who was responsible for what was going to happen?”
They paused
and thought it through. “The dom.” They
said.
Then they
followed that with “the dom should have called it because they knew more.”
I stopped in my tracks. I was duly impressed.
“Yes.” I said.
I couldn’t stop
myself from smiling.
“The dom knew
more. So he should have stopped it before the sub was pushed too far.”
My time with
the newbie has been full of a lot of these surprise moments. Seeing their “a-
ha” pieces come together. Challenging
the thought processes, letting them come to their own conclusions about submission,
and dominance, but asking pointed questions.
What does
that mean? How does that play out in real time? Explain, define, and think it
through.
I don’t have
to agree with what they think, I just want them thinking.
I laugh
because the newbie gives me tons of shit about asking so many questions.
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