Lead with an open heart. OR not at all.

Lead with an open  heart.  OR not at all.

I wrote this in my last blog.  It is a modified quote from Ghandi. 

The actual quote is:

“In doing something, do it with love or never do it at all.” 

I have found that since last  November this quote, that I have kept to  my heart like my blood that flows through  it, I am  not able to  do.

I am angry, bitter, judgmental, and unable to let love lead. Truly unable to  lead. 

To me, letting love lead means putting the self aside, and being there for the other person - where they are, not where you think they should be. It means me saying- these are the other groups that you should look into- even if I personally am not welcome there.  It means acceptance and humility.  It means putting aside my wants and needs so that another can grow in their BDSM, their way. 

Being a leader is only partly about putting on events. It is bigger than that.  It is about reaching people, giving them that hope, and helping them grow. It is about putting you away- and not just listening, but truly hearing them. Putting away your own judgments by asking questions and hearing the answers. For them, not for you. Opening the door, and holding their hands that first few steps. With  the promise to  be there after they have found their footing.

And that applies to whether they are brand new, or 50 years in and growing into something new.  

These are the parts of leadership that I truly feel make leaders worth following. 

This is a part of me that I lost in November.  I am still here, by my fingernails.  I will still work behind the scenes, do what I can. 

But I truly feel that, as even though my love and I continue to have a solid M/s relationship.  That I cannot give to the community what it deserves. 

I removed my leather honor patch.  

I may put it back on again, when I feel I have something to offer worth honoring.