Albuquerque Masters Group

In August I start a new project  a Master and slave group in Albuquerque.  I am really excited about it.  Just to be clear here, I will not be starting a MAsT chapter, although I support MAsT international, I am not interested in currently taking on the responsibility of their requirements to be able to have and maintain a group. I am going a little more independent at this time, not to say that might change, but for right now this is what works for me.

The group will be meeting once a month, with activities alternating month by month. On one month there will be a discussion group, this is for Masters, prospective Masters, ex Masters, and those who are Master curious only, no slaves will be allowed at the discussion groups. At the beginning of the meeting everyone will be handed a card and everyone will write a question that they want answered, it is anonymous, and can be asked to a person or to the group.  We will beat that to death, then pull another question from the hat.  I am currently scoping out meeting places and have three hopefuls at this point which also keep the group meetings free. 

There will be guidelines such  as:  respect others experiences  and ups and downs, listen  without interrupting  (I will need help on that one)  understand that no one has the one way, understand that everyone fails and everyone succeeds, no one Master has all the answers, and not one Master has he ability to  train every slave.

On the opposite months will be potluck get togethers for Masters and slaves, singles and those in M/s relationships of any dynamic, the M/s curious and the M/s seeking as well as Dominants looking to try new protocols or are Master and slave curious when it comes to their requests of their slaves and submissives. 

The get togethers are going to be at host houses and will be set up for Masters and slaves to practice public protocol, try out new ideas, work on strengthening protocol, or learning from others with specialties. The idea is that when Masters and slaves pay for events they don't necessarily want to try a new protocol or use the time at the event focusing on trying something new that may or may not work for them in the long run.   

For example let’s say that a Master and slave want to try the “don’t talk unless the slave has permission to speak protocol” - instead of paying for an event and trying it out this is a chance to try it out to see if it works for  them and be able to focus on that part of the slaves training and the Masters experience without it being at the cost of an event. Or let’s say the Master wants the slave to be naked in service in public, this is the place to try that, or if the Master or Masters wants to put their slave through their public paces while serving multiple people. 

It is also a chance for us to learn from  each other, there are a few Masters that  know a lot about a higher protocol in  service, just kicking it up a notch, so  being able to talk with them and put my slave though a new way of serving excited me a lot! And being able to do to  try these new things “hands on” excites me even more!

  

There will be guidelines here as well:  no drinking, no drugs, no intoxication of any kind. This is not a play party, although  skills will be allowed to be shown  and taught upon request, no  touching what isn’t yours,  no requesting service from slaves that are not yours, inappropriate, impolite, or otherwise questionable behavior will lead to  that person  being asked to leave then  put on  probation  before being allowed back.

My goal is to create a stronger Master and slave community and network in Albuquerque. Free places where we can learn and grow from each other, as well as support  and help each other navigate through our relationships and our identities. There are some things that only other Masters ad slaves understand, some things that only single Masters and slaves know about expectations and relationships that other parts of the community, although  supportive, don’t really get. 

 Over time depending on how the group grows there may end up being an official event, weekend, or play party. But time will tell on those things.

I am really excited and will be posting all over when I have the meeting place and date set.  I do love a new project!!!!!

Although I will not be starting a MAsT chapter, if you are wanting  more information on MAsT International their website can be found here:  http://www.mast.net/

Three Local Masters share their words!!!!

I love talking with other Masters. I don’t get to do it enough, but I truly love hearing about how they evolved, and how they run their homes. So I contacted a few   local Masters and asked them to answer some questions for this blog. Enjoy!

LG:   My name is Lady Golden, and I've been in the BDSM scene since 1997, and have identified as a Master since 2007. I have owned slave lou since 2007, and he and I are both graduates of the MTTA (Master Taino's Training Academy) for slaves and Masters. I have had the opportunity to attend Camp Crucible, Master/slave Conference, and Black Rose events.

MD:  To begin, I am usually called Daniel by my friends. If someone in community refers to me as Master Daniel I am honored that they choose to use the title that I have bestowed upon myself.
In play settings I usually have people refer to me as "Sir"; I feel very strongly that no one has the right to call me "Master" unless I have collared them.
I have identified as a Master for the last 15 years, before that I identified as a Dom for 10 years.
I am currently in several relationships; my primary relationship has been ongoing for about 18 months, it continues to evolve and is currently difficult to define. I also have a long term play relationship with someone who is both a friend and a regular play partner. In addition to these, there are a couple of new play involvements which are to simply to new to be defined at this time.
As for training, in my early years I was mentored by many very skilled and knowledgeable people in everything from the physical skills involved in BDSM to the mental aspects of D/s relationships to the development of the self discipline needed to do these things in the way that seems best for me.

CC:   I have been out in the community for almost 6 years. But been privately active most of my life. I have I identified as a master for 2 years.
I am currently in a 24/7 live in relationship with my slave.
I have not had any special Master training. I have learned threw watching those in the community that I respect and admire. You can call me Cup Cake.

 Do you use contracts?  Why or Why not?

LG:  I do not use a contract with slave lou. We have found that it makes more sense for us to check in with each other frequently rather than at stated intervals for contract renewal. We also change things as they come up, and prefer not to have to refer to a document to make sure we know what we are supposed to do. :)

MD:  My use of contracts varies, some subs and slaves are very intuitive in regards to my needs and wants and no contract is necessary while others need or want a contract as reminder of what is expected of them or for the security that a contract can provide.

CC: 1 I do use contracts. I think it is important to write down your expectations. To define how the relationship is going to progress. It is all too often that we fall into the trap of believing we are all mind readers

How do you punish and why do you use that method?

LG: I don't punish slave lou. He does his best to obey my instructions, or he expresses a good reason why he cannot or should not do as I ask. I then decide if I want him to carry out my orders as originally stated, or if I want to modify the orders. If the result is not what I desired, it is usually the result of my failure to be clear. IMO, punishment is not helpful when the slave is willing.

MD:  I do not often punish as I find that a simple reminder usually takes care of things. When I do punish it happens in the form of a lack of attention and/or play. I rarely need to punish twice...
I will play punish in various ways but that is a different matter.

CC:  To punish NOT CORRECT but to punish. I use a certain red piece of pex that I do not use on my slave for any other reason. Then I put her in the corner. It is cold hard concise. It has a definite start to the punishment and a definite end. It allows me to put the incident to rest. I HATE HAVING TO PUNISH MY SLAVE

What are your cardinal rules? The rules that must be obeyed or are deal breakers?

LG: Honesty is the biggest deal-breaker. Intentional deception for anything other than a surprise birthday party is not permitted.

MD:  As for cardinal rules or deal breakers, these have to do with sexual agreements and or violations of trust. However, repeated refusals or failures to do as instructed can also bring an end to any involvement.

CC:  Never hit in anger. If my slave should behave in such a manner that it would incite me to hit her in anger it is over. It is expected that there will be disappointments and disputes. But if they cannot be resolved without VIOLENCE then the relationship has become unhealthy and unsustainable

Why do you identify as Master, as opposed to something else?

LG: I started a relationship with lou as a FemDomme and he as a male submissive. As the relationship developed, I discovered I wanted more control over lou, and he discovered he had a slave heart. After much thought, self-evaluation, and training, I embraced the concept that I could be a Master to slave lou. Now, I can't imagine any other calling or role that would work for me.

MD:   I identify as a Master because I greatly enjoy the beauty to be found within a deep M/s relationship and because I feel that through time, effort and dedication I have become a master of my craft.

CC:  the term its self has so many meanings to different people. To me it means an acceptance of responsibility. I identify as Master as I am accepting responsibility for my slave and myself and our growth.

Thank you so much Lady Golden. Master Daniel ,and Cupcake for your words!!!!!!

When the slave is sick

Hello all - I am  doing much better and  am looking forward to posting something new next week. My slave is a little  under the weather   but the Dr  is taking good care of her, as am I when she lets me. I wrote this in 2010 I think....

For those that are going Enjoy EVO -REVO!!!! 





So what happens to the Master when the slave is sick? Well let’s see… it starts early in the morning, when the magic socks do not appear and the breakfast somehow stays mysteriously in the fridge. At one time the pots and pans and odd sounding spices had made sense but now years later~ the act of cooking has become foreign and dangerous. A soft and well placed Masters whine for breakfast elicits a moan from the barely conscious and somewhat drugged slave. she attempts to move out of bed, only to snot on herself and fall backwards.

At this point it is clear that the Master must attempt breakfast. Skipping the idea of a hot breakfast and deciding on a lopsided sandwich instead the now cold and still kind of hungry Master wanders aimlessly through the house, looking for clothes. Strange, the clothes do not put themselves out, they do not, jump up to greet a person; they lie still unmoving, wrinkled, as if waiting for something. This unknown laundry language is unknown to the Master~ so bare naked the Master dives in and finds her clothes for the day.

Next the Master knows that she must drive into town and find some soup and soda for her sick and moaning slave~ if only to quell the moaning…

Slowly the Master circles the car; she opens the door, and enters. Turing the key the Master thinks that maybe she turned it on wrong; the music is not on her favorite station. But restarting the car brings no change. Halfway down the highway the Master realizes that the car doesn’t have a GPS, and that she must somehow know where to go. This presents a problem. The slave always knows where to go. The Master double checks for a GPS... Nope.

Hummm, this new world is curiouser and curiouser…

Driving along the Master decided to pull off the freeway and look for a store. Three hours later she finds a fast food joint and it will have to do. The chicken sandwich and hot tea will double as soup, and the French fries are just as good as crackers. 

Proudly on her way home, The Master spots a gas station, she drops in and picks up a bottle of 8$ cough medicine and a box of 10 tissues that can also double as sandpaper. To show her slave that she loves her, the Master also buys one of those fake flowers that double as perfume, the kind with the little bear on top.

Coming back to her castle the Master surveys her booty. Once inside the smell of hot fresh chili overcomes her. The slave motivated by sheer terror had cooked in the Masters absence. Although the Master does not mind eating peanut butter and baloney sandwiches, this disturbs the slave greatly and makes rest almost impossible.

The slave puts on a brave smile and takes her gifts gracefully between snotting and coughing, and going unconscious once more.

The Master surveys’ her home, she struts from the living room to the kitchen waiting, sensing that something is missing. She moves to the TV room and puts in a show to watch.

Sitting on the couch she reaches over to the air that was at one time the place where the magic tea sat. She punches the button on the remote but somehow the French subtitles stubbornly remain. The Master slumps into the couch, good posture is not necessary if there is no one to look adoringly at it…

The Master heard the slave snoring loudly in the background.

The Master looks down at her feet propped on the coffee table. Of course, she thinks… looking at her feet~ on one there is a slipper sock, on the other is an oven mitt... No wonder the shoes felt tight…

Master Patrick Mulcahey shares his journey....

I went to the PERV put on by Fetlife and was so honored to be able to hear Patrick Mulcahey (Big P) speak. He is a Master identified gay man in a long term relationship with his slave who is also named Patrick (little p).

 I loved being in the room full of other Master and slave couples. It is such a rarity for me to have that experience, and I really felt that the other couples were as excited to learn as I was!

It is very interesting listening to someone else’s journey. You never really know what sorts of things you will hear, or how they will resonate with you. I enjoyed how Big P talked about how Master/ slave relationships can sometimes be about form versus function. In other words, many people get into Master and slave relationships and they are all about the appearance of the relationship, but how the relationship will lack resilience without some type of foundation in how the Master feels about the slave.  How a Master feels about the slave being the basis of the relationship is very rarely discussed in M/s circles.

He talked about his personal journey, how he played with men by tying them up and fucking them, but how his dominant identity was still something that he picked up and put down. Until one day he realized that the Dominant identify was who he was and that everything else was the other or false life. 

After he embraced his Dominant side he was able to then move forward and embrace his Master identity.

 He also said it was when he met his slave, little p, that things really were fulfilled for him.

They talked about their relationship and how at first they had a contract. How the contract, in many ways helped Big P figure out and define what he really wanted in his life and relationship with little p.

Little p talked about how in his vanilla relationships his mistakes were always held against him and how that doesn’t happen now. Hearing that form a slave was very powerful.

 They also talked about how when Big P asks little p what he wants for dinner little p says-- whatever you want.  The significance for Big P is that it forces him to go inside and really evaluate what he wants, and how that empowers him immensely.

Overall there was much about the presentation that I did not agree with, but I LOVE LOVE hearing others in their journey. What I really enjoyed here was Big P’s candor and openness about his needs and life.  That was a gift.

This is a day that I will hold close, being next to other Master and slave couples, listening to Big P’s journey and seeing the love and devotion that Big P and little p had for each other, that resonated with me deeply.

The love and joy that they felt filled the room every time their eyes met.

That I completely understand.

Great Expectations: When a Masters communication goes wrong

When people talk about Master and slave relationships that don’t succeed, they often view the slave as the one that is to blame for the failure of the relationship, but it doesn’t always work that way. There are very real factors that make many Master identified people very difficult, if not impossible to serve successfully.

Although I honestly believe that there is a slave for every type of Master, ( there is a crazy for every crazy) there are some personality traits in Masters’ that make it more difficult for slaves’ to accomplish successful service.

Masters that don’t really know how they want to be served.

Sometimes people that identify as Masters have a general idea of what they think service should be, or rather a fantasy idea of how they think service should feel, but no clear idea about the actions that it would take to get there.

Masters that lack basic definition because they have not thought through what they want can be very difficult to serve because they are unable to give any type of concise direction. They also have no idea about the amount of time, effort, or energy that it takes to perform the service that they ask for.

These are Masters that enjoy the pretty appearances of service and have a very strong connection to being served on an emotional level. The problem is that they do not know how to put into words the specific types of service that really please them, only to then turn around and blame the slave because they feel that something is missing in the service.

For example the Master that sees the vision of a perfect dinner service in their minds eye. They have even gotten as far as imagining feeling that sense of pride that they will have when witnessing a room full of people being presented with beautiful service by their slave.

As a result, the slave pours all of their time, effort and, energy into not only preparing the food but planning the presentation and the ambiance of the evening. The slave is in and out of the kitchen, clothes on to block the grease splatter, and multiple cups per person to slow down anyone’s need for a refill.

But because the Master’s true emotional connection to beautiful dinner service was in the slave sitting in the corner of the dining room naked for the entire evening completely visible to their guests and holding a carafe refilling drinks, the Master walks away unfulfilled. Even though it was the Master that did not communicate their wants in the first place.

Masters that don’t know how to train their slaves.

There are some basic components found in all training whether it be in the training of people, animals, or plants. But when you look at the numbers, there are many more people that need to be trained then there are people who genuinely know how to train. Knowing how to safely and successfully train someone is in many ways its own specialty and for many, an art form.

The interesting thing is that when I talk to slaves that have left relationships where abuse was not the main component for them leaving, there is an underlying factor: the Master didn’t know how to train them from very beginning. These Masters expected the slaves to just know how to provide service and then when the slave didn’t understand the expectations and failed to provide them, they were blamed.

These are Masters that believe that slaves should already be able to know how to serve and that it is the slave’s responsibility to learn service all on their own. There is also the sometimes unspoken belief on the Master’s part that having to teach a slave what they want somehow takes away from the experience of being a Master.

The reality is it takes time and direction to learn how to personally serve someone well. Personal service is very specific, and can be overwhelming to the slave who is just learning how to serve (if they are new to service) as well as for the more experienced slave learning to serve a new Master.

I heard a story once of a Master who when they were initiating a new slave, the Master would bind and beat them until the slave gave them the sentence that they wanted. This Master would not tell the slave what they were expecting them to say and so the beating would continue until the slave figured it out.

For many Masters this trial by fire is what they consider training.

And for some slaves, that works for them.

Note here: this Master is usually single, and is always in between slaves….

But the reality is that the majority of people need a lot more then the whip to get them to be able to serve successfully. They need direction and the more specific the better. They also need time to be able to integrate these expectations into their lives. The more steps in any given part of service required, the more reinforcement and time they will need to perfect that part of service.

Relationships will succeed or fail for a number of reasons. But in Master and slave relationships, it is important to consider that the failing of the relationship does not always fall on the shoulders of the slave. We Masters, delicate creatures that we are, are not always as defined as we need to be to make service successful, or even possible.