Mainstreaming- good or bad? Neither? Both?

Just recently life slowed down for a cool five seconds and I had the chance to finally listen to the Evo Revo town hall with Sera Miles, Guy Baldwin, and VI Johnson. If you haven’t listened to it, take an hour over your morning cup of coffee and put an ear to it.  Listening to such amazing people such as Guy and VI give me the chills. I love their candid, open, and blatant way of approaching questions.

You can find the interview here on the Leatherati site: 

 http://www.leatherati.com/leatherati/2012/09/evorevo3-town-hall-panel-discussion.html

There was one point were they talked about our culture going mainstream and what  can happen to  our history, and our practices as the BDSM culture is absorbed by  the larger culture. They talked about some people not being able to stand the new influx of people, and going underground. Some will stay and teach others, and how parts of our culture will die with time and change.

I thought about this part of the conversation a lot. 

I have always been conflicted about the mainstreaming of our culture. Honestly speaking, teenagers wearing collars and slave bracelets make my skin crawl. They always did, always will. Fifty Shades of Sexually Frustrated Housewife makes me itch. I haven’t even read it    BUT- I pegged the plot.  Woman- pure, untouched. Man - broken wounded.  He gives up what he loves as a dominant, they marry.  Tell me I’m wrong…….  

I do enjoy the bits on TV that are obviously BDSM- that does make me giggle.

But seriously though-  the mainstreaming of our culture, does mean that there will be a  watering down of some of our practices, just as masses of people  step into the community with  access to more  information that was never available before. More bedroom players, more people who take on roles and titles without really putting in the time and practice and self knowledge that it takes to be that title, all because it is easy to become a Master at a click of a mouse. And Master SOUNDS SO COOL......

 I have to remind myself that as there will be a fair share of serious players that come into the life as well. Those vested in history, knowledge, skill, and self evolution. Just not as many…..

Then I got to thinking, that although mainstreaming will hit our community in a lot of ways, that ultimately the good will out weight the bad.

 If mainstreaming means that BDSM cannot be brought up  in divorce or custody proceedings, cannot be grounds to fire someone,  if it means that Dr’s need to became more educated so that Leather, kink and BDSM can be brought into the  examination room and  have questions and concerns discussed openly, if it means that laws need to be adjusted so that tops won’t be arrested for assault  and  bottoms can’t be arrested for  accessory to,  if it means that  we are able to protect our own community better from predators because we didn’t have to remain so secret, if it means that hotels and restaurants are vying for our events and munches instead of shying away from them ……   then mainstreaming is absolutely worth it.  

Bring it on.

The slaves unspoken pride

Recently I went through a prolonged illness. It sucked real bad. The most frustrating thing was that this time I did everything right. I sought medical care early; I did what the DR said I even kept myself in bed- with a minimum of complaining and moaning.  

Ok maybe not a minimum….

During that time my slave was amazing, she did everything, including all of my chores.  She fed the horses, did all of the heavy lifting and the trash. While still managing to organize the Betties, and do correspondence for me. I was having a really hard time breathing so in between all of the other things she would hold me and read to me and bring me hot tea. She would make me laugh. 

I was very grateful when I was finally better and back on my feet. Breathing, apparently, is more important then I thought……  

It was after this had passed that she came to me,  the look on her face let me know right away that something was wrong.

she looked at me then looked at the floor, then looked away, not meeting my eyes… and after a moment  in a small voice she started to talk--- and  she told me that this was all her fault...

Let me say it again; she came over and told that this was her fault.

I froze for a moment,   not understanding what she was saying.

she started to cry and say that it was her fault that I had gotten so sick, that if only she was a better slave and a better wife that she would have taken care of me better and this would not have happened. That she should have done something different and I wouldn’t have struggled so much. That it was her fault that the cupboards went bare over the winter, and that she felt that she was a burden to me.

I was stunned at this.   I grabbed her and hugged her and let her cry, I tried all I could to wipe her tears and comfort her.  I had to remind her that my lungs have been bad since I was a kid, and that no matter what she does or could ever do that will never change.  I had to remind her that you can’t buy food when you have no money, and what she did was create meals out of nothing and good ones at that.  I had to remind her and hold her and remind her again that it is my love for her that gives me purpose and strength every day. That she has never been nor will ever be a burden; she is instead the drive behind everything I do, and that I still find a need to impress her after all of these years.

she is my light and my love, and I am so very blessed to have her in my life.

It was through this time that I began to realize the immense amount of responsibility that a slave takes on. 

There is always talk about a Masters responsibility, but seldom do we talk about those things that the slave keeps close to their heart, those unspoken responsibilities that the slave takes absolute pride in and responsibility for.

So for the Masters out there, don’t ever forget, that aside for the cooking and cleaning and the housework, your slaves are taking on more then that. They are taking on you. The entirety of you.

And that is no small thing.

Giving back

Today I am asking for everyone to recognize your organizers. Take a moment and send a thank you to the organizer of an event that you have attended, and if you want to make them really feel good then let them know what that event meant to you.

We all know that putting on an event, no matter the size, takes a lot of effort.  But when you stop and think about it event organizing   happens way before the event and continues for some time afterward.

Before the event every organizer puts in hours of time talking with other people, making sure that presenters, volunteers, vendors and venue have what they need and want. This can take from days, to weeks, to months. The organizers put in their own money, most times a lot of it. Sometimes they get their money back but a lot of times they know that they wont.  

During the event organizers are still leading the boat.  They are still ruining from one end of the event to the other , setting up for the next thing, addressing concerns, giving everyone acknowledgement, staying one step ahead of everyone else. Sometimes they are also the face of the event, making sure that whatever is happening is going smoothly.  That can mean addressing the crowd or the presenter as well as constantly being the example, not showing that they are stressed, upset or concerned.  Giving that public face of making it seem like it is all going the way that they want it to.

Afterwards there is the clean up, getting people their equipment back and addressing the endless, and I do mean endless, complaints.  Then there is following up with the venue, the presenters, the vendors,  and the volunteers which can literally take months.   

A one day event, even a play party, or munch can easily take two weeks to organize from start to finish.   And if that person is organizing one or two events consistently on a monthly basis, it is very easy for those events to need daily attention. 

It is easy to get tired and to forget from time to time why we organize things.  And when that happens, it is the thank you’s that remind us that what we are doing matters, that it has a place, and that all of that frustration, fear, effort,  and energy that it takes to organize is worth it.

So take a minute today- send a thank you, even if it was something that you attended months back.  It may just be a moment of time for you, but it will mean a lot to those of us out there putting events together.