I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, July 26, 2013

When my slave hurts

I wonder how other Masters handle it when their slaves are going through something really hard.   I know that logically it probably runs the gambit from the Master who feels that the slave’s only duty is for the Masters use and   the slaves internal workings are none of the Master s concern. All the way on the other end of the spectrum to those Masters that want to know where their slave is emotionally so they can be a part of their slaves emotional growth, and health. 

Guess which one I am……

My slave went to a class recently on sensuality expecting to come away renewed and full of loving and sexual energy.  Instead she walked away really messed up. I mean it really did a number on her. What little sleep she gets is full of nightmares and she whimpers and moans. She is exhausted and needing a lot of reassurance that this is not  in her head-  that  this really was a bad experience that she is having to now sort through and deal  with. It will take time and her own emotional work for her to heal before she is OK again in a whole sense.  During her time of re- centering, re-grounding, and healing I work extra hard to create a safe space for her both emotionally and physically. 

As she talks through her process it is really hard for me to put my feeling of anger and protection aside so that she can feel heard.  There are times when I do ask to change the subject because I get so angry I can’t support her, and I know that is what she needs more then my anger. 

She is working through  it, one day at a time, one  experience at  a time,  one emotion at a time,  and I walk beside her, holding her hand , watching over her to comfort her as she sleeps,  kissing her tears, and  listening.... listening.  I am making sure that she rests, that she drinks and eats and takes her daily mediation, so that she can focus on healing.

I hold her and care for her now as she has endlessly done for me.  She will heal  and move forward in life, she works hard to do that,  but for the moment I make every effort to show that she is worth more to me then just her service,  that all of her matters. 

I am so deeply angry at the facilitators of that workshop. They were in my opinion dangerous, destructive, reckless, and so based in ego that they couldn’t teach shit out of a horse. I sent my slave to them for healing and enlightenment and she came back fractured and hurtling. And I am angry about it.  

The facilitators paired up  strangers who had NO knowledge of each other and  were told to tell the stranger in  front of them  "this is what  what I want you to do to me, tell me what you want me to do to you".   There was no discussion about or  consideration  or respect for sexual  orientation- body size preference- vanilla or kink desire, or ethnicity preference. The "facilitators"  shut down peoples real  emotions, told people to "shake off"  (like that is even  possible)  how they feel , and asked people to be extremely sexually  and emotionally vulnerable and then  told them to move on to the next person. They did not allow the group to laugh-  yes facilitators shut down  laughter. The room  was hot the air conditioner was turned off because it was loud and a door was not opened, and the two pitchers of room  temperature water did not even  come close to stopping people from  wilting.  

They are people that love hearing themselves talk, love thinking that they know it all, that they are the most advanced people, that they are so “progressive” that they can tell others how and what to feel, and what those feelings  mean - and you better not argue, because if you argue you just aren’t as “progressive” as they are.

They can kiss my big fat ass.  They are the worst kind of people - so based in ego that nothing else matters to them except to say that they taught a workshop.

 I am angry.  I am hurting for my wife and slave who works on body image and sensuality every day. I am pissed that theses assholes made money off of others and had no idea what they were doing. And  if  they  are told about how the workshop  really went-  it is my guess that these dick wads will simply say-  ohh that person wasn’t “engaged”  wasn’t “evolved” wasn’t “ready for our kind of intensity”.

 You want intensity asshole?

Meet you in the parking lot.  I have intensity for you……. 

OK - now I can go back to listening.


  1. I had considered going to the workshop that you are writing about, and am very glad that I did not go. A workshop of this nature should edify the participants, not leave them feeling harmed. It saddens me to think that you and your amazing partner are having to deal with the aftermath. Send along my love, and lets hope that the recovery is a short one.

    I would suggest letting the facilitators know what has happened. Regardless of the response that you get, it might help them learn for the future.

  2. Hello Stan!

    The facilitators are being forwarded the writings by the event coordinator. But I am less then hopeful that she will be heard.

    thank you for your well wishes, they mean lot.:)

    I am grateful; that you did not go either! Had I gone I would have been a grade A asshole!!!!

  3. I am so sorry that she had to go through such a horrible experience! I can only imagine how angry and hurt you are for her! Will send healing and loving energy! I don't know too many people that are more beautiful inside and out than your slave! And you are a wonderful and loving Master!Again, i am so sorry that she is going through this, I'm sorry that both of you are going through this ! Much love to you both! I believe in you and I know you will get through this!

  4. Hello Tops! Thank you so much for everything! Thank you so much for the support. I will pass on your words and love to my slave.

    Thank you!

  5. reading this made me very angry as well. No human being deserves to be put through that experience. Perhaps reimbursement is justified?

  6. Hello Hannah! I hadn't thought of that! I think that is absolutely is.

    Thank you so much!!!

  7. want me to punch them in the mouth?

  8. LOL! hummmm--- I may take you up on that offer!!! LOL!!