I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us
I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information! The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!
If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:
If you are interested in active online community please find:
Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:
Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers
Albuquerque Master/slave forum
New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Masters are extremely difficult to serve especially on their birthdays...
I should know!!
The other day I was talking to my slave and she was a little upset because she didn't think that she was a masochist....
When I was done laughing I said "the hell you aren't!!!"
I decided to point out a few things:
Who sleeps in the same bed as me after cabbage and beans?
Who sits in the passengers seat the few times that I do drive and says not word one when it comes to the fact that I am flipping through radio channels more then looking at the road....
Who deals with my mood swings, is my PR department, and very kindly reminds me when perhaps I am to dickish....
Who gets up at 5 am to pick me up from work?
Who smooths over my verbal oopsies, and just smiles gently when I say OPP to other people of color, while making a hand gesture?
Who has to keep hearing "we are late, I don't like to be LATE!", when it was me who pushed the snooze button 18 times?
Who deals with Masters vision? Honey have you seen........ I cant find... I just looked for...... It wasn't there a minute ago....
If that isn't a masochist then I don't know what one is....
Happy birthday to me.......
Friday, April 20, 2012
Consent is a common topic among just about anybody, as a rule we all have conversations about consent of the people that we play with as well as the consent or non consent of the vanilla crowd we are surrounded by.
But-- what about the consent of us? What I mean is what about having consent for our actions from other players?
There are all types of play and edge play that have significant historical, cultural, and social significance. Some of the obvious ones include race play, religious play, and age play.
The question isn’t whether or not these types of play happen, or that they bring relief, release and peace to those that play with those concepts.
The question here is whether or not it is responsible to play with these concepts in public, were perhaps the consent of each other comes into question.
Ultimately what I am asking is- what is the responsibility of the players that play publicly with scenes that are socially, culturally and historically inflammatory and subversive? Although the intent for the players may be play, it cannot be ignored that when those types of play occur in a public space, that others will be affected as well. Not just affected, but deeply disturbed and possibly triggered by what they have witnessed.
Now I suppose the argument could be made that all play can be a trigger for just about anyone, and that we are only responsible for being safe with ourselves and those that we play with since there is little that we can do about the triggers of others outside of our scene.
However, as much as we talk about the consent of those we play with, we almost never talk about the consent of those that may be around us.
On one hand I deserve to be able to walk into a dungeon and be able to have a certain amount of emotional and physical safety. On the other hand, it is a dungeon; it is where people invoke and dance with the dangerous things in life.
So if I walk into a dungeon and there is a scene going on between a group of men saying faggot, dyke, and bull dagger as they beat a butch woman, is it their job to be more responsive to my sensitivities, or is it my job to recognize that I will not be emotionally safe in this space and then leave?
What if we walk into a dungeon and a group of white men are yelling the n word to a black submissive as she is tied up? Being a white Master of a black slave, I realize that I may not have a lot of room to move here, as I know that many people are uncomfortable with our dynamic, but I also realize that seeing that type of play publicly could really trigger and disturb my slave. … Not because we don’t do race play, but because it is being done publicly, and she walked into this without being properly prepped and warmed.
A friend of mine wand I was talking several years ago, she was at a public dungeon very turned on and ready for play. She was walking around looking for a spot to begin when she walked onto a scene involving a Jewish submissive and a group of Nazi dominants. It shook her so badly she left the dungeon immediately, that scene still get to her.
So I am asking at what point are these scenes questionable even for a dungeon, and at what point is it just “their scene”.
And what is our responsibility to each other?
I am not saying that people can’t do whatever they want in private in whatever way they see those fantasies playing out as long as they are safe to themselves and those that they play with. But at what point does “your scene” become more than that?
How much do you have a right to engage in public play that you know there is a good potential will trigger and offend others?
Some will say “not my job man- not my responsibility, if you are offended by what I am doing, then it is your job to leave."
But ---- what does it say about us as a whole when we don’t hold each other accountable for those things that are in question?
For me personally I believe that there are some types of play that just should not be done a public play space.
I know that this is a slippery slope; after all one type of play banned could easily lead to another and another and another….
So I don’t think that these types of play should be actively prohibited in a public space.
I do think however that we owe it to each other to really think about what we have a right to and a responsibility for when we bring these types of sensitive play into the public arena.
So I wanted to toss a few questions out there:
What types of play would make you so uncomfortable that you would leave a dungeon?
What types of play offend you and why?
What if you were the organizer of the event or the on duty DM and someone in your dungeon was playing in a manner that you felt was racially, socially, or historically borderline enough to cause concern?
I am not saying that these questions have answers, but what I am saying is that these are questions that we owe it to each other to ask.
Friday, April 13, 2012
When people talk about Master and slave relationships that don’t succeed, they often view the slave as the one that is to blame for the failure of the relationship, but it doesn’t always work that way. There are very real factors that make many Master identified people very difficult, if not impossible to serve successfully.
Although I honestly believe that there is a slave for every type of Master, ( there is a crazy for every crazy) there are some personality traits in Masters’ that make it more difficult for slaves’ to accomplish successful service.
Masters that don’t really know how they want to be served.
Sometimes people that identify as Masters have a general idea of what they think service should be, or rather a fantasy idea of how they think service should feel, but no clear idea about the actions that it would take to get there.
Masters that lack basic definition because they have not thought through what they want can be very difficult to serve because they are unable to give any type of concise direction. They also have no idea about the amount of time, effort, or energy that it takes to perform the service that they ask for.
These are Masters that enjoy the pretty appearances of service and have a very strong connection to being served on an emotional level. The problem is that they do not know how to put into words the specific types of service that really please them, only to then turn around and blame the slave because they feel that something is missing in the service.
For example the Master that sees the vision of a perfect dinner service in their minds eye. They have even gotten as far as imagining feeling that sense of pride that they will have when witnessing a room full of people being presented with beautiful service by their slave.
As a result, the slave pours all of their time, effort and, energy into not only preparing the food but planning the presentation and the ambiance of the evening. The slave is in and out of the kitchen, clothes on to block the grease splatter, and multiple cups per person to slow down anyone’s need for a refill.
But because the Master’s true emotional connection to beautiful dinner service was in the slave sitting in the corner of the dining room naked for the entire evening completely visible to their guests and holding a carafe refilling drinks, the Master walks away unfulfilled. Even though it was the Master that did not communicate their wants in the first place.
Masters that don’t know how to train their slaves.
There are some basic components found in all training whether it be in the training of people, animals, or plants. But when you look at the numbers, there are many more people that need to be trained then there are people who genuinely know how to train. Knowing how to safely and successfully train someone is in many ways its own specialty and for many, an art form.
The interesting thing is that when I talk to slaves that have left relationships where abuse was not the main component for them leaving, there is an underlying factor: the Master didn’t know how to train them from very beginning. These Masters expected the slaves to just know how to provide service and then when the slave didn’t understand the expectations and failed to provide them, they were blamed.
These are Masters that believe that slaves should already be able to know how to serve and that it is the slave’s responsibility to learn service all on their own. There is also the sometimes unspoken belief on the Master’s part that having to teach a slave what they want somehow takes away from the experience of being a Master.
The reality is it takes time and direction to learn how to personally serve someone well. Personal service is very specific, and can be overwhelming to the slave who is just learning how to serve (if they are new to service) as well as for the more experienced slave learning to serve a new Master.
I heard a story once of a Master who when they were initiating a new slave, the Master would bind and beat them until the slave gave them the sentence that they wanted. This Master would not tell the slave what they were expecting them to say and so the beating would continue until the slave figured it out.
For many Masters this trial by fire is what they consider training.
And for some slaves, that works for them.
Note here: this Master is usually single, and is always in between slaves….
But the reality is that the majority of people need a lot more then the whip to get them to be able to serve successfully. They need direction and the more specific the better. They also need time to be able to integrate these expectations into their lives. The more steps in any given part of service required, the more reinforcement and time they will need to perfect that part of service.
Relationships will succeed or fail for a number of reasons. But in Master and slave relationships, it is important to consider that the failing of the relationship does not always fall on the shoulders of the slave. We Masters, delicate creatures that we are, are not always as defined as we need to be to make service successful, or even possible.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
A lot of times when we think about service in the leather community we see in our minds eye the naked submissive in chains kneeling awaiting their next command, or the silent submissive serving a dinner party also, not surprisingly, naked.
Although these are beautiful images and completely attainable, the majority of life lived outside the home is done: 1) With clothes on and more importantly 2) in front of other people that may not understand the relationship dynamic and are not consensually being exposed to it. So with that in mind what forms does service take when also dealing with the world, and how does service continue in all forms of company?
First off good service has many different components to it, but excellent service, surprising service, and seamless service are made up of different things entirely. Good service in my opinion can look pretty but have no real substance, and if you pay close enough attention, it often has little endurance and before long becomes about the submissive looking for attention. For example, a while back we were at a coffee munch and this young woman who called herself a slave was talking, and talking, and talking incessantly, and when her dominant gestured for her to kneel at his feet she did so looking around expectantly for praise. She then continued talking and talking and without permission she got up and got herself something to nibble on that would also bring her attention. Not once did she ask the dominant what he wanted, not once did she pause in her constant inane chatter to see to his comfort, and although she did kneel in request, once she became bored with that she got up and went to find something for herself without even a sideways glimpse his way. Not once did she pause in her talking to see if anyone else wanted to get a word in, or to see if her dominant would like to talk, or if he needed anything. Just to be clear, her constant talking was not the issue; it was the monopolizing of the conversation to keep the attention on her that was the constant source of irritation. Was it pretty ? Yeah, sure I can say that. Was it service? Sure, I can go there in my head, but was it excellent service? Not in my mind.
Excellent service looks and feels completely different ~ excellent service is about the ability to pay attention to the dominant, the ability to predict the dominates next need, and more importantly the ability to do it without calling attention to the submissive or the act itself. This learning takes time, patience, and most of all the innate desire to see someone else successful. What I mean by that is wanting to be a part of someone else success and being comfortable with the spotlight away from the self to concentrating entirely on them. It takes months if not years to learn the ins and outs of someone and to be to see what that person needs before they do and respond to that. I can give a perfect example: I had worked a 12 hour shift, and was heading into two more when we had to stop and see a friend in the hospital. I was tired, the hospital grounds were an extensive maze with over three parking garages, and I knew that once we were headed home it would be another few hours before I could climb into bed. Although my heart was in the right place, I was grumpy, tired, hungry and not in the mood for delays. After we visited out friend and was attempting to make it back to the car I stated asking for directions back to the parking lot, three wrong sets of directions later, I was slowly losing what was left of my evaporating charm. When we finally found the way to the car I said I was hungry and she said that she knew, she then went on to say that she knew when I decided to come to the hospital after I had worked all night that I was going to be tired and hungry and less then pleasant. So she was completely prepared and when I was gruff with people she would stand behind me with a big smile so the situation was less threatening, she knew that by holding my hand it would give my body the much needed support from its own tiredness, and she had already gotten cash to take me to my favorite burrito place after we were done so that I could knock out tin the car on the long drive home, not to mention that she had already prepared herself to do my morning chores so I could head straight to bed.
Now that is excellent service. I have felt cared for in my life, but when she explained about all of the emotional and physical planning that she did just for that one morning for that few hours, it stunned me. I ate my burrito I fell asleep as she drove and when she came to bed after I was all tucked in I held her so very tightly.
That is what I mean by excellent service, seamless surprising service. Everything that she did d that morning had nothing to do with her, but the effort, love and extensive planning that she had done was all for my comfort.
That is the essence of amazing service, knowing that with just a look or a feel you can interpret a need. It is selfless, and when it is done with the beauty and intention of love it is amazing to watch and even more amazing to experience.