I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us


I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!


If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com



If you are interested in active online community please find:

Fetlife.com


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More






Friday, May 31, 2013

PERV, Party, Lap dances, labia vegatables



I am on such a high from last Saturday. It was one of those days that seemed magical, and wonderful and so very memorable, mostly.  I had worked the night before and was going on little sleep, but the adrenaline of the day was all that I needed! 


 On Saturday afternoon I presented at PERV. This was a dream come true on many levels. First off I love talking about Master and slave relationships that is my joy and my heart.  There were about 15 people there to start and about 11 stayed for the actual talk. It was an advanced crowd that had a lot to offer and I was so amazingly surprised that people were also very candid and open. At the beginning of every PERV is an hour of going over general rules and protocols of group and play etiquette.

Sera and I presented that together, I enjoyed that part, and the one place that got really interesting was when the issue of safe words came up. I listened as people talked about whether or not they use safe words, and the same sort of story kept returning. People would talk about how everyone should use safe words- but they personally don’t play with safe words. At one point after someone talked about how they had just met someone, didn’t negotiate and didn’t play with safe words- but it was the most intense scene they ever had- I interrupted the conversation and said “the conversation about safe words is the same every time- people will say you should use safe words because you are a pussy, I am a bad ass so I don’t use safe words. What safe words really boil down to is how much communication you want during a scene.”   Honestly, my slave and I don’t negotiate and we don’t use safe words, but they are always there if we need them and if they are used we both   know what they are. 


After the rules and protocols we had a break and I was given the floor to present on M/s for the rest of U/us.  I covered the 4 pillars of training the slave, understanding punishment on an emotional, chemical and biological level, the un- trainable slave and the un-trainable Master, and looking at the long term. The people there were amazing; they all had so much to give and were really engaged.  As a group they were open and comfortable enough to talk about those things that didn’t go well, their histories/her stories, and their personal and emotional candor really was something to experience.  


Meanwhile, the whole time, my slave was there looking beautiful, extraordinary and being her loving and supportive self.  This was not an easy thing because I was using her as the example of when things don’t always go right. That is never easy for her, but she was gracious, and because was so wonderful and open to be used as an example the crowd felt open. Her response to my talking about her allowed people to feel safe about talking about themselves.  That was really a gift. 


After PERV people stayed and talked and there was much excitement about July when the Masters group starts- but that is another blog :) When we left PERV the plan was to go see a friend for their birthday and then head up to the NMFL play party. 


That was the plan.


My slave and I got to the party early, and   had a blast helping in the kitchen and talking smack and really enjoying ourselves. When people started to arrive they were so festive and joyful. Then my leather family came and we had a blast over by the grill. We were talking and laughing and interspacing that with deep conversations about organizing and events, and race. It was one of those conversations with just the right balance of love, support, and seriousness.   


Then it happened- my first glass of wine. It was my weakness- Moscato. 


Ohh—as soon as I guzzled that first glass, I knew- game on. At that point I turned to my slave and said "honey, I am drinking tonight."


Now just to so that you know- I am not a drinker,  we don’t keep it in the house, and overall  I feel that the  social emphasis on  drinking  is an  American  embarrassment. I also do not play or have sex impaired. Ever.  Ok wait- I used to have sex impaired and I probably wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again, but as a general rule, it is not my interest.


So, the wine was flowing and I was having a blast! I gave out a lot of lap dances that night and a few nipple dances.  I would take big plates of food around to the crowd and offer it up with the luscious sway of my hips! I circled my hips around WhipDaddys meat (we were working the grill!!) and had people reach for my lady corn!  But the real fun came in the form of the labia vegetables.  That is…. in between lap dances…..
After wards I enjoyed very much so giving the birthday girl her 30 licks- with my tongue, and a little biting! Maybe a little hard on the biting, but as a bottle and a half of Moscato and Riesling as a precursor- I think I did pretty well. Hehehehe!!!


Then I flung myself onto people and made crude remakes about how everyone is a little "het" when they drink, among I am sure other things that somehow have faded into a drunken background.  If I remember correctly there were multiple requests for male strippers- I figured we had already seen some naked women- let’s even the playing field. I was denied that though. Not even a shirt off, or a belly button……


Whew!


I had a blast, even though my poor slave was on edge and watching over my safety every minute. When I drink I get VERY amorous-  I mean  I could fuck  a bar stool, the pool table, and the ID checker before hitting the bar doors, and then  be ready for more when I get home-  that kind of  amorous. So in between that and my already aggressive nature, it can make for a pretty explosive combination.  So my slave watched to make sure that even though I was impaired that others didn’t take advantage of that, or me. It was a hard job for her, stressed her out a lot, but even she even admitted that she was having so much fun at the party that she didn’t want to leave.  



The next morning I woke up full of smiles and hang over free. 


What a day.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Criminal Minds, BDSM, and Us



I have this thing for the show Criminal Minds. It isn’t the blood and the gore that kind of thing has never interested me; it is the fact that those that do harm have a psychology. As a survivor myself, one of the reasons that I am so addicted is that the  show takes the blame off of the victims, it talks openly and strongly about the actions of the perpetrator having nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the perpetrators need to fulfill their own  fantasy. How perpetrators are extremely skilled at what they do, they study people, and every time they fail at gaining a victim they learn and get smarter at attaining their next victim. The show is ahead of its time when it comes to talking about being victimized  not being a person’s fault , and how sex workers are just as important as the rest of us, and their victimization matters. It has also addresses quite blatantly and openly the gay conversion camps, both male and female sexual assault and the fact that crimes cross the class barrier.


That being said Aaron Hotchner is hot. He is hot because he leads, because he is brilliant, because he loves his team and understands that they need his support to do their jobs well. He is hot because he provides the ultimate safety, the safety to the team so that they can focus on the job and the people while he provides an emotional safety that all leaders that know how to lead instinctively do. 


Criminal Minds has multiple times addressed BDSM in their shows. In the 7th season there was an episode called the Company. It was about a man that had non consensually kidnapped and beaten a woman,  gotten her to sign a slave contract , and  ultimately  kept her under control by  using the idea of “The Company” as well as keeping her child from her. 


Despite the severity of the actions of the perpetrator, BDSM was by the Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU) represented openly and fairly. The team talked about how BSDM involved role-playing that uses the concept of the Company, and how this is usually understood by both parties to be part of the role playing.  They talked about how this case was about abuse, control, and kidnapping, and took the focus off of BDSM and put it onto the actual crime.


 That is important because people that have been kidnapped in real time and have had the concept of the company used in real time as part of their mental manipulation have existed. The company is supposedly a large underground group of people that watch over, control,  that provide slaves to willing Masters; they will also hunt down a runaway slave, trade slaves to other Masters, register slaves and so on.  This type of psychological terror assists in keeping the kidnapped victim complicit and creates an air of being watched, with dire consequences for misbehaving.  


Who knows maybe such a thing does exist somewhere. Slave auctions are still alive and well, both consensual and not, as are the trading of slaves, with all of the old time non consensual training methods still being used. If someone has enough money, anything is possible.  Mail order brides, bringing over children of all genders from foreign countries for domestic and sexual servitude, and human trafficking are all still happening, and huge money makers. 


At one point in the show the Master and the slave are separated and he is put in jail. She turns up a little while later with a lawyer, who is also supposedly in the Company, and gets him free stating that she loves him, and that she needs to make his dinner. Instead of representing her as a stupid woman, they take that time to show the bruises on her neck. Illustrating that she is operating on a different emotional level, one based in survival.  After all, if he would do that to her when she was behaving, what would he do to her when she was not behaving?


In the end, she is freed with her child, and everyone is reunited.


I love this show because for me, it really points out how far we have come in some parts of the media in portraying BDSM. What Criminal Minds did was separate BDSM from abuse and kidnapping. They took this very complicated case and broke it down into a series of crimes; they weren’t interested in that fact that she signed a slave contract, they were interested in what he did to force her to do it. They never once referred to BDSM as those sickos, or those perverts, and they were not interested in the other couples that engaged in Master and slave relationships.


This was all about consent versus non consent, consent versus coercion, and consent versus abuse. Those borderline issues that we deal with everyday, not just from the outside world looking in, but from ourselves. At what point is it what we do no longer consensual and starts being a trained response, with some coercion thrown in? In many Master and slave relationships consent happens once in the beginning of the relationship and then   is assumed from that point forward. But considering that the beginning of a relationship involves hormones, and a considerable amount of NRE, is that really a time to consent?  Can it be argued that NRE in and of itself be considered an altered state, and therefore making consent invalid and questionable?


Something to consider.


And nice to consider them while watching a little Hotchner……..

Friday, May 17, 2013

The Un-Blog

Well  shit.
 I have written  three pieces for today, each one more of a crap fest then the last. I couldn't come up with something worth  saying if it stabbed me in the ass.
I tried typing it on  word, I tried writing it with  pen and paper, and I tried talking it out to myself.
No  luck. Now my hands are sore, I am out of ink, and my mouth is dry.
So this week here are some other peoples words that made me laugh:
 

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.- Arnold Schwarzenegger


Facts are stupid things. - Ronald Reagan, Former U.S. President 


Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC 



 I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President 


And my all time favorite:

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again. 
—  George W Bush, former U.S. President
 



Friday, May 10, 2013

PERV May 25th


On Saturday May 25th I will be presenting at PERV. I am as excited and nervous as always. But I am really excited because it is on my favorite topic Masters and slaves!! SWEET!!!

Last year I finished my second book. It is called M/s for the rest of U/us. It is currently being considered by a publisher, and even if they say no- I have a backup plan for it to go to print this year, or at latest early next year.

So at PERV I will be talking about:  the four pillars of training the slave, understanding punishment, enabling and manipulation within Master and slave dynamics, the un-trainable slave, the un-trainable Master, and planning for the long term.


I am excited because these things really mean a lot to me. For me having successful Masters and slaves is so important, and  starting dialogues that I wish that I had, especially when I was starting out, makes me feel like  I am still learning, and growing and possibly able to maybe make things easier on someone else.

I had a lot of questions when I started and not a lot of people to answer them without their own agenda which was not my success as much as it was their ego boost. And after a while, I simply stopped asking questions, because I felt at best unsupported in my new identity. 


I tried going online to ask questions and found only sarcasm in between being outright attacked. People didn't feel that I could be a Master if I had questions, and they let me know it.


I tried to find answers in books, but it just seemed like what I was reading was so removed from my life I couldn't relate to the writers.  

We weren't rich, never will be, so having unlimited space, toys, and time seemed bizarre and completely un-relatable. I remember reading one book where the slave rented out a theater and suspension equipment for their Masters birthday.


I have never got off on pain for punishment, or the amount of ego that the writers use to describe this concept. I remember reading about a slave that was late and caned for it, and ok, but they didn't live together, and they only played once a month, so it was more like foreplay then punishment. 


And we weren't straight or both white, so we were dealing with homophobia, racism (to a small degree), as well as being discounted because I was a female seeking my dominant side. I remember reading about the male Master and the female slave and thinking that if I was a man, what I am doing would not be questioned, but celebrated. 

 
I really wanted real answers to real time questions, and the difficult thing was that when I first started, I didn't even know what questions to ask.


That was the hard part, not knowing and not feeling like I was safe enough to seek. So I went inside myself, and I was surprised to find that the answers were there. Over time, as I found answers finding the questions became easier. For me, I found the answers before the questions, and then pieced them all together. For example when I came to the realization that I needed to do things because of my personal connection to power, I realized that that was the answer to the question- why I did not use corporal punishment. 



The more that I talked with my slave, and the more that I explored and talked with the Albuquerque community the more clarity I got.

Over time the big things that I struggled with so many years ago got clearer and clearer, and finally I saw them for what they were. 
Questions that needed answering from someone who was more vested in my growth then they were in their own pants party.  When that hit me, I realized that that is what I wanted to do for others. 







It isn't that I have all the answers or claim to, or that I can’t learn from others no matter what their experience level- I do that still, and love every minute of it. It isn't that I don't get intimidated when I am around other Masters or even slaves, I do, and I should. I even sweat a little, OK maybe a lot. It isn't that I always  feel  right at  home, or that I am  not striving for a better understanding in my own life with my own slave, I do.




What it is that- it doesn’t have to be so hard.  It doesn’t have to be so intimidating, or so lonely. It can be fun, powerful, inspiring, and uplifting, and done in a place surrounded by love and comfort. 



That is what I want to give back, the ideas that one: you are not alone and two: you’re answers are yours, so even if you are the only one doing those things hold onto them. 


If you are interested in attending PERV and you are on Fetlife  the event listing is here:   https://fetlife.com/events/169707


If you are interested in  attending PERV and you are not on Fetlife please contact Sera Miles for details and to RSVP at: seramiles@gmail.com

 

Friday, May 3, 2013

Horses, birthday, pain, love......


It has been quite a week. Rainey isn't any better and she  isn't any worse, and despite my 22 years of medical experience I am just too close to this to assess it. Vet comes out on Monday. At this point we are all  so emotionally and physically exhausted and drained, and that includes Rainey. 

She reached her limit and kicked me this week. Honestly she just used her leg to push me away from her, her ass is sore from the shots and the muscles working overtime to  metabolize the medication, and her leg hurts, so she clenched her ass muscle and  the needle bent on impact-  I ended up having to poke her three times. On the third time she finally lost her patience because it hurt like hell-  I would have to.

 I am bruised, but I was explaining to my very afraid slave, that considering the damage she could have done, this was nothing. Had she wanted to she could have easily  sent me flying, and kept kicking. But she didn't and right after she kicked me, I went right back to her ass and injected her and she did fine. 

We are all tired here. And my slave has been exceptional and giving, and kind and calm. Literally as we have been outside giving Rainey her shots and tending to her leg, my slave would  give a cookie to the horses, and then an apple slice to me. She worked so hard at keeping everyone calm and focused- no wonder she is exhausted from the inside out.
 

On the flip side, I can say that for my birthday week I have been loved and cared for, and had a day of respite that finally made me smile, and lift my heart.
I feel much loved, very cared for, and very very special.
I feel that even though all of this is going on, that ultimately I feel safe.  And that can be a rare thing in my world.



So here is my thought today-  if you are struggling with something, or something is hurting your heart, or twisting your mind, take those people that you love and puppy pile on the couch and tell each other how much you love each other. How much  each other means, and how much they are special to you.  It will rejuvenate your heart, and give you strength, and remind you that love can see you through anything.


I love my Rainey, and so does my slave,  and no matter the outcome on Monday. We will see this through as a family, together.