I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, July 25, 2014

Trigger Warning.


My name is Keli, I am a Master Identified lesbian, and I have a mental illness.

I have had for years. I am medicated, I am compliant in my medication, but some days I fight and I win, and some days I fight and it wins.

I say this now because this week I was told that what I am feeling is all in my head. This comment, said by someone who is aware of my mental illness has cut me to my core. Taken the breath  clear out of me, and reminded me that I am  a deeply damaged person.

When  I was a kid I used to  cover my head when I was beaten- arch my back to  take the brunt of the blows, and afterwards I remember I would rock  myself.

I have done that all week- covered my head, arched my back, and rocked. 

It is the only way that I can find peace and comfort from these words that have taken their toll on me.

I am  lucky though.  By chance  this week  I had finished my school  semester early and taken a week  off of work  to  celebrate -  all  before it happened-  so  at least I could concentrate on  my healing and not have to  worry about those things.

I know that this in time will pass- that in time I will be far away from this.

But for now I cover my head, arch my back and rock.

I will find peace again.. I will….I will…..

Friday, July 18, 2014

The hardest Battle.

I have been able to start working with the horses again, not just because of time, but because the cross ties are up and the gates are up and working. So I can take them easily in and out of pasture and I have a place to tie them.

It has been  about two  years since I have been  able to  consistently work  with  them ,so I expected some behavior changes, and some back tracking of knowing how to work  with  each other.  Honestly, I didn’t really know what to expect. 

Rainey, the ex racehorse, has started pulling back. Not just pulling back but throwing back and hitting the end of the tie chain to the point where she has rope burns and open areas on her face. She does it with much force that even if I don’t see it I can hear the powerful thud as her 1900 pounds of sheer power and muscle hits the end of the length of her tie chain. This is relatively new behavior for her. I haven’t found anything that triggers it. She isn’t trying to hurt me- that would be something that I would be able to see right away. It appears as though she is really afraid. I can see her muscles shake and the pulse in her neck pound.  I don’t know why. 

I don’t know why she is so afraid. 

I am working with her; we had a little breakthrough earlier this week.
But she is hurting herself, and if she pulls the right way, with the right amount of force she could cause herself permanent neurological damage. The hardest part here is that -there is nothing that I can do besides what I am doing. Giving gentle support, giving her space to  be scared,  creating a routine, talking to her softly, gently, and staying out if her way so  I don’t get hurt. 

But this is her battle.  This is her fear.  I can support her, but I can’t go through it for her.

That is the hardest battle isn’t it?

The one that isn’t yours.

The ones that the people that you love have to go through themselves, so that they can own the other side of it.

It is a true place of disempowerment to have to sit back and watch as someone you love makes their mistakes, their choices that could lead to possible long lasting harm.
To know that if you close your eyes you will still hear the slam of the chains as they hit that end.

I am not afraid of her,  or for my safety, I am  careful, I watch, I am  structured in  my handling of her.

I am afraid that this is somehow may fault, that if I did things right that she wouldn’t be going through this, that I am to blame. 

I know intellectually that this is her battle, this is her learning curve.  It is tough love, but she has to learn that she has to stay where she is tied, for her safety, for mine, for the other horses or people around her. It is a vital basic lesson that if not learned could have very bad consequences. She could hurt someone, or herself.

It is the tough love that we have to use with each other. The tough love that keeps each other honest, that holds each other accountable. Sometimes it means watching as those that you love hit that point, and get hurt. Sometimes they are able to dust themselves off and go it again tomorrow, and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes they change what they are doing, sometimes they don’t.

Sometimes they see you and blame you for the hurt that they are causing to themselves. And they walk away from you because they need to walk away from their own hurt. Sometimes they see you and feel too embarrassed to stay, and walk way instead of smile and limp over for a hug. Sometimes they never change, they just keep doing it over and over and you need to walk away because you can’t watch it any more.
This is tough love.  I believe they call it tough love not because it is toughest on them but because it is toughest on the watcher, and the one who loves them and wants them to succeed. But knows that the chain will never change, they have to.

(Epilogue here, after much thinking, and searching, and stumbling onto a “you tube” with an old cowboy named David Lee Archer, I have a way to work with her that will not cause her harm, and could get her through this.  I will be able to start next week, and I am so hopeful for her-   and me.) 

Friday, July 11, 2014

"A person is reasonable, people are not."

All leaders that represent things that are a threat to the status quo since the beginning of time have been persecuted. This has always been and will always be. It is a global experience, a universal one. It is a timeless understanding of what it means to stick your head out and say "No, this is wrong." OR”This needs to be different" OR  “I am this, and I will stay this."

We have been taught time and time again  what happens to  leaders that want to  change things, they get harassed,  then exterminated-  all  because what they believe is different. And more importantly- they take what they believe and they tell others.

 For many the extermination of the people that disturb the peace is a celebrated public event. Everyone gets in on it, they make it ugly and personal and they rile each other up to get more rabid.

Who was it that said  “A person is reasonable, people are not."

I am talking here about what is currently going on in the fat positive and body positive movement. 

Recently a person that was on a well viewed TV show lost 70 pounds.  After the weight loss he went on fat hating rants. Sad, but not unexpected.
The fat and body positive activists ignored this and went about their way until he started putting the words  "thinspiration"  out there.
For those of you who don’t know "thinspiration" is a term that is used for weight loss at any cost.  Anorexia, and bulimia, and laxative abuse   are encouraged. Renal failure, exercise induced asthma, lack  of tooth  enamel, and vomiting blood are all  acceptable in  parts of this movement, these things are encouraged and there are tips on  how to  hide these things from  others who "just don’t understand."

So  when  this well known  person  started using the thinspiration  message, he was pulled aside by fat and body positive activists and told  -  this is that that word means, you may want to  consider not using it.
And he responded.
He came out swinging.
He made it personal and ugly and he had a whole group of people right behind him pushing him forward and encouraging his behavior. The uglier the better.

So instead of a healthy, intellectual debate about weight, health, and how this is currently viewed- it descended into death and bomb threats directed at the fat and body positive activists.

No  kidding. 

Death and Bomb threats.

So you ever wonder why our leaders get tired? Ever wonder why people choose not to step up and lead? 

Because "A person is reasonable, people are not."

Ultimately this will pass, and hopefully in the end the body and fat activists will pick themselves up and dust themselves off- because like all leaders that are passionate- they are lions in  the face of cowards.

That is what leaders are - they are lions. 
They face down the injustice with the knowledge that history has taught them that only a few will make it intact. That what they do has an impact on someone, somewhere, and that every day that the get up and try again is another day that the lions get to roar.

They get to say-  your hate, your loathing, your bias has no place in  the depth  of my lungs today.

To  the fat and body activists out there that are fighting, that are being assailed upon, I have to say to you-  those who  you have taught, those who  you have given a language of body love and body acceptance -  WE ARE HERE.


Keep being lions- keep your roar and don’t ever let it dull.

The cowards will eventually find a new squirrel to chase, but your words, your work; your passion will stand the test of time. 

And becasue of you- I now have words for my full tummy, my thick  thighs, and my big lumbering walk. Words that stay with  me every day. Words that guide and comfort me.

Words that bring me peace.
 You did that.
And I will always be grateful.


Friday, July 4, 2014

It all starts from "just one thing"

So this week I picked a day to be “the day”. The plan was to go into the barn and just move one thing into a more permanent spot or throw one thing out, that sort of thing. This was my new emotional growth plan of- just one thing. It wasn’t about moving the stuff- it was about getting past my emotional  block and starting to heal and reclaim my space. 

At out last house, my barn was meticulously clean. It was my pride to have it be accessible, well kept, organized, and user friendly. Everything had a place, was easy to find and within a quick reach. The hay hooks, scissors, and wire cutters all hung in between the door and the hay,   the halters were hung beside the front door for easy grabbing, the brushes and the emergency kit where on the table so that there were a quick reach and go.

 When we moved in here the barn became the unwitting recipient of my anxiety. So it is a mess- literally, it s kind of a death trap. I have hay all over; my stuff is where it landed when we moved in. I can barely walk around in there, and I can’t walk without tripping or having something wrap around my foot.  It is well- embarrassing. And forget getting to any usable tack, or knowing where to find something.

So I decided that I was going to do ‘just one thing”. It was my plan  to help  deal  with  my anxiety and get my new barn  up  and running, get my pride back  so  to  speak. The intent is that over time it should less scary, more do able, less emotionally intimidating, and I get a clean, usable barn. Good plan right.  RIGHT???

So I took a deep breath, fed the horses and then went in for my one thing. I knew what one thing I wanted to  move, I was nervous and all  fluttery and I picked up the shovel-  not my one  thing-  but was in the way of my one thing. 

When I heard it. 

Then I saw it. 

Then I backed up a little and ran for my camera. 

When I burst into the house my slave rightfully so- anxiously said “Punkin- what are you doing?”  I think it was my answer of “Nothing….”  That caused concern and raised the slave alarms. 

I was able to get one good picture but in the rest my hands were shaking because my slave was alarmed and yelling at me in the background. Lovingly, but yelling.

It is a beautiful thing to have chosen family in the herpetological society. It was a snake, and I wanted to know how much danger I was in by having it live in my barn. Luckily they were able to tell me that it was a bull snake, and that bull snakes do all sorts of good things. They eat mice, are non   aggressive and not at all dangerous. They even gave me tips on how to make him feel comfortable in the barn, and how to alert him that I was on my way. It turns out that snakes can’t hear, but they can feel vibrations, so they told me to knock before I go into the barn to announce that I am   coming in. 

The next day I went back in, I looked around, took a deep breath and then- I moved that one thing. 

Then when I went back in that night to feed, I did it again. Now I have a whole bunch of things moved and in their place. Before I knew it I had a whole area cleared out. A WHOLE AREA!  

In a spiritual sense the snake represents the Loa, Damballa. Spiritually I feel as if Damballa has freed me from what was holding me back. Given me strength, made me feel protected and safe so that I could go in there. I could take that next step.

I have struggled with this for a whole year. Now I am slowly reclaiming that part of me back. It feels good. It feels freeing, it feels loving and it feels like I am once again making my way home.

So what is your “one thing?” What are your emotional goals for your life that all start with doing just “one thing?” And where will it lead you?

 I am going out to feed now. 

And to move my one thing for today. 

It is a good day.