I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, March 29, 2013

What you say matters

I love it when I hear  a quote or an idea that makes me stop in my tracks and think. It is one of those a-ha moments that I love and that many times  reminds me of  how closely knit we all really are.
So here are  some of my favorites:

I was at a work meeting and my  boss was talking about productivity and company goals when he said this:
" A person cannot hold an  ideal in their  head with an action  that is contrary until one or the other must change." T.G.

And instead of thinking about company goals and productivity I instantly thought of BDSM and this community. About how people come into BDSM, and how all of us  have something in common- in that we choose our lives and relationships because we desire to have our actions meet our ideals.  For some those ideals are about  service or submission,  for others it can be about domination  or control.  
For others this quote can  describe how people can get out of an abusive, neglectful  or unfulfilling relationship. The ideal being an understanding of their self worth and their actions being in contrast to the support of that, leading to a change.

There was one my mom told me when I was in my teens. I was having a really rough go of things and she came into my room, sat down  and said the most honest thing that I carry with me still:
 "I can't promise you that things are going to get better, but I can promise you that they will change."

I think of this now as I look  at how far the community has come, how much it has changed, and how change brings the optimism of better.  Not the delivery of better, just the hope. 

There is a thingy on my desk that reads from author unknown:
"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

This is one of my biggies. Although intellectually I know that people will see what they want and need  to see no  matter what a person  does. That ultimately how I am  seen has more to do with the other persons  needs and filters then it will ever do with my intent or actions.  But I hold onto this because I need it for me.

I need to feel that even though I cant control how others feel about what I do- what I feel about what I do-  my reputation with myself- needs to have purpose

The one that I remember form that movie with Ben Kingsley when  he played Gandhi. I don't know if Gandhi ever said it, but Ben  was sure powerful when he did:
 "Do  it with  joy in your heart or not at all."

I use this when locking my slaves collar. When  talking about service, and when thinking about my own projects and leather journey.

I think that what amazes me is that the power of words and the intention of them can  be global, that we are there too in those thoughts and quotes and words.

I wonder was Gandhi leather?

Then there are the things that I have come up with and tell myself frequently:
"I can  do this, I can  do anything for --- hours."
"No Worries."
"What is the worst that can happen?"
"Well- that sucks real bad..."
"Yea- when pink monkeys fly out of my butt."
"How's that workin for ya?"

And my all time favorite:













Friday, March 22, 2013

M + s = WTF?

Being in a Master and slave relationship is equated to this:  
 Master says + slave does =end of conversation.

It can be put like this 
M + s = e

If you’re really lucky those things happen to infinity. Like this:
 (M + s = e) infinity

But relationships, like math, always tend to have that X factor, the variable.
So instead of our pretty little equation, it comes out all fucked up like this:

 X + s = WTF?    Here the Master is the X factor.
For example:  I say "slave grab me that elephant."  And my slave hears correctly "slave grab me that elephant" but  in  reality we don’t own an elephant. So I am upset that I have to  go without my  imaginary elephant and she is left confused as to what I really wanted.

This is when the Master becomes the X factor, which can mean a lot of things. It can mean that the Master doesn't know how to ask for something, doesn't have the confidence to ask for something, doesn’t know what they want, or thought that they asked clearly - when in actuality they just left their slave dazed and confused. It could also mean that the Masters needs have changed and the Master didn't realize it, or that the Master simply doesn’t want to communicate and expects the slave to just "pick it up." 

In any case what that X factor boils down to is that the  Master can't, won't or is unable to communicate,  ending up in the the "what the fuck"  answer to the equation.

Then there is the next variable:

M + x = WTF?   Here the slave is the x factor. 

For example I say "slave get me some tea" and she hears "squirrel!" And I don't get my tea. 

What this means is that the Master has spoken clearly but the slave was unwilling or unable to listen, or has their own agenda, or has no intention of doing what the Master says anyway. Maybe the slave is looking to unseat or unbalance the Master, or maybe the slave is really in a space where they can’t listen.

In any case the end product of the "what the fuck" answer  is the end to the equation.

Then there is the rogue:

M + s = WTF?   Here the outcome is the X factor. 

For example I say "slave get my shower ready" and she hears "slave get my shower ready". And she goes to turn on the shower and we are out of water.

That is the rare case where everybody thought that they were on the same page, but the end product was all fucked up for no reason.

I think that what I am trying to say here is that there is beauty in certainty, but relationships are the ultimate X factor; they very rarely go as planned, and although we can set about with the right equation, that doesn’t guarantee that we all come up with the same answer.  

I think myself clever today.......



Friday, March 15, 2013

Warning: Anger Rant

When bigotry is condoned by the federal government people feel that they have a justified right to their own  hatred and in turn are supported in the expression of that hatred. No matter the expression

It is OK to kill sex workers because what they are doing is against the law anyway. If they had legitimate jobs they wouldn't deserve what they get.

It is OK to harrass and bully lebians and  gays because they arent real people, if they were like the rest of us then they would be allowed to marry-  like the rest of us.

It is OK to fire someone  because they are  involved in BDSM. Because those people-  well those people are just sick, and there are no laws saying that a company has to keep people like that in their employ. 

 There is that amazing quote by Martin-Niemöller:

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me

The words communist, socialist, and trade unionists  can  be easily substituted for anyone,and as time has show us all-   they have been.

So  who will be next on the hit list

Right now gays are fighting  for the right to marry and be granted the other 1700 federal rights that heterosexual couples have.  But it is more then just the ability to have a marriage licenses and the social recognition of our lives and our choices. It is about the prevention of murder and suicide, and  the  subtle social protection that comes when the government recognizes us as equals. 

 It does not mean the end of hate crimes,  or the end of bigotry, or the end of harassment. 

 What it does mean though is bigger then  those things-  it means hope. 

And never forget that  the only thing stronger then hate  is hope.  




Friday, March 8, 2013

Tons of SHIT TO DO!!!!!!!

Last month was New Mexico Fetlifers four year anniversary. When read the post I wanted to take a few days before I said anything. I wanted to really think about   what it was that NMFL has brought into my life and write a heartfelt reply.


So that got me to thinking about all of the things that I have experienced because of someone else s organizational efforts and how lucky I have been that Albuquerque has such strong groups that consistently produce these events. 

From AEL to NMFL to the individuals that run their private groups I feel very blessed to be in a place that has so many places where a person can find a home. 

A person doesn't always fit everywhere but with so many options there is a wonderful chance that everyone will eventually fit somewhere. 

Some of the things that I would never have gotten to experience in my lifetime had it not been for the amazing behind the scenes people of Albuquerque have been:

Being an RGL title holder. Riding in the Pride parade and facing the supporters and the haters. 

Thanks to AEL I have heard people speak that have lived leather for 50 years, and how our community has grown and changed and challenged each other. Listening to people talk about all kinds of play, and toys, safety, history, and relationships. 

Because of AEL's monthly parties I have been able to scene publicly enough so that I developed the skills to play and stay focused on my slave when there are others watching. As well as to be able to deal with someone that is attempting to take me away from my scene, or my slave away from her head space. Not just deal with them, but do so in a way that doesn't stop the flow of what we are doing.  I also now remember to wipe down the equipment, and have learned how to protect my slave in her post play space.  Those are things that you can only learn by doing, and doing consistently.

Thanks to NMFL I have been able to meet my idols Jay Wiseman and VI Johnson. Not just meet them, but have actual face to face time to talk to them.  Then there was when Guy Baldwin praised my slaves cooking- I will carry that with me for a long time.  I loved playing with liquid nitrogen, hearing Patrick  Mulcahey and his slave talk, and the stories of people that I would never have been able to meet otherwise.  I have also had the chance to learn about the bigotry surrounding pro Dommes that comes directly from our community that still blows my mind. 

Thanks to the Brickhouse Betties I have been able to come to terms with being a person of size.  Listening to and taking part of open and frank discussions that dealt with people’s bigotry, pain, and love has changed my life. It changed how I view myself, my body, and how I have the right to be treated as a person of size. It also opened my ears to the messages that I am being sent- so that way I can hear them fully- and tell them to fuck off.

Thanks to all of those that put their personal efforts into AEL Kinskills I am now a more knowledgeable and skilled player.  The real thrill has been watching other people take what skills that Kinkskills has brought them and actively use them. That gives me great great joy.

There is so much that I wish that I could put down here but it would be a long long blog!!!





Friday, March 1, 2013

Submissive and slave men speak

I have had the great honor of interviewing two men  regarding their slave and submissive lifestyles. I have always thought that it is a great risk for men to access and understand their submissive and slave nature in our society where machismo and brutality is so prized. Thank you so much to Lady Golden and Saint for allowing me to ask their wonderful partners questions!

Here are the bios of the wonderful men that were so  very patient in answering my questions!  

slave lou has had the honor of living in 24/7 service to Lady Golden for around 5 years now. Few who know me would consider me to be all that submissive. I get a great deal of pleasure and pride in providing exceptional service to my Lady.

My name is Chance Lee McCravey. I entered the scene in summer 2010, where I met the love of my life. I identify as a boy/fox. I like to be referred to as Chance. I am only referred to as Fox by Saint St. James, my Althair (Daddy). I enjoy providing my time and resources to the community. On my off time; I enjoy reading novels, knitting, and crocheting.

  1) What misconceptions do you feel that people have about submissive men?


A – That submissive men are weak. It takes a great deal of will and personal strength to submit to another.
B – That they have no minds and need someone else to think for them. Many if not most submissive men are quite capable and successful.
C – That submissive men have issues making decisions. Yea right. In order to provide exceptional service many decisions are made on a daily basis.


Some of the misconceptions of submissive men that I have come across is that the submissives are just mindless drones and they no longer have any opinions for themselves. Another is that many people are not sure the difference between a boy and a slave, for me a boy is someone who retains an ability to question and ask clarifications of his Althair, slaves I have seen have much less autonomy in this regard.

2) What brought you to understanding that you are a submissive and you wanted that in your relationships?

It's all about service. Service to self and service to others. It has been my experience that living alone can lead to a certain comfort and even contentment, but the path for my personal happiness is very closely tied to how well I provide service. The idea of an unequal partnership got me many odd looks, but if I take care of you and you take care of me, everyone wins.

I  came to the understanding that I am submissive because I enjoy doing certain duties for others. In my relationships, it seems to just happen automatically.

3) What do you expect from a dominant partner?

They need to have their act together. They have to be sane. It helps if they have similar interests to myself. If they happen to be a 5'4” redhead with pert breasts that’s a major plus. They need to be able to make me feel safe and secure.


What I expect from a dominant partner is someone who provides for me, defends me in dire situations, listens to my opinions, and cares about me. I am also very picky about what I consider a dominant, I look for people who have experienced being a submissive themselves and who are not afraid to be themselves.


4)  Do you find that there is a lot of competition between male submissives if so how does that manifest?


I I suspect men would compete for just about anything. It's kinda what we do. Dominant females are probably the rarest breed in our community. Submissive males may be one of the largest nationwide. It has been my observation that the most successful slaves are the ones who took the time and energy to learn skills that are useful to the dominant female they are serving or wish to serve. Butler school.... who knew. If you want to get played with you have to find some way of differentiate yourself from the crowd.


I see a lot of male submissive s competing for the dominants affection and approval. For example, being the first to bring the dominant his/her food during a meal. On the other hand I see many submissive s who are interested in working together for the betterment of their family and their community.

Thank  you again to Lady golden, slave lou, Saint, and Chance!