DandyKor was AWESOME!!!!!

Last weekend was DandyKor.  It is a group in Albuquerque that puts on queer block parties about once every other month, and for April they enlisted my slave and I to help with the kink element of the party. I was so thrilled to help out, and the outpouring of support, skill, and volunteering from this community was wonderful to see. 

I felt the luckiest because I was able to do the flogging booth and watch as my slave took on the spanking booth. 

I have never done a flogging booth in public before. I have taught flogging, but this was whole new ball game. For the most part I was working with people that had never played and had no reference for the realities of BDSM except for maybe   what they had fantasized about.  It presented its own challenges for example getting people to have confidence, then getting them to understand movement and their own bodies, explaining safety basics, and looking at the bottoms body as a whole--   all within say 15 minutes per couple. It was really great for my brain!!!  I loved the challenge, and seeing people come into the booth scared and intimidated but walk away giddy, smiling, giggling and for many very sexually aroused!   

For some you could see that this was a skill that they took too like a fish to water, and that they connected to on a deep level. This was visible from the people both throwing the flogger as well as receiving the flogging. There were some new bottoms that glazed over in a happy smile and although nervous about asking for more, were very eager for the lesson to continue. 

 I also had the opportunity to have some fun on experienced players and play with my back hand swing. That was a blast!!!  There was a lot of hard hitting fun and laughing! 

Overall I am still on cloud nine from this experience. It was amazing to see people instantly fall in love with flogging the way that I am.  And for those that didn’t fall in love with it I got to see their defenses lower, their fear dissipate, and their confidence sky rocket. 

Honestly, I think one of my favorite parts was the demo. My bottom for the evening and I did an on stage 5 minute demo on flogging. It was hot, sensual, and the crowd was completely engaged.  I had my lovely bottom sitting on a chair facing the crowd with  her   legs open, and I was explaining about how to use  the chest and inner thighs and of course, the genitals. By the end of the demo the crowd was right along with me shouting “pussy! “  I explained about hitting hard and hitting softly, and that sometimes my bottom gets a little mouthy and it is good to hit her a little harder. I made it a point to say that hitting someone hard is easy, that it doesn’t have any art to it but using floggers differently takes finesse and skill. So at the end of the demo I asked the crowd if they had any questions and someone shouted “Isn’t she mouthy now?”  I laughed and gave a thwap to her breasts...  

It was amazing to have a crowd so engaged.

I also surprised myself in being able to talk about both men and women bottoms, and how techniques transfer over. I really felt like I did something worthwhile that night. 

I really enjoyed how my slave took over the spanking booth. she was amazing, and her booth was hot and busy just about all night. In fact she was spanking people all the way until I escorted her out of the building at midnight! I loved watching her interact with everyone.  Although my slave was worried about how well she would do, she is extremely skilled and she seemed to be able to take everyone from the shaking novice, to the bravado butches, to the experienced and wanting all with stride. I was so proud and impressed watching her.  Not only was she hot as hell in her corset, but she was skilled, attentive and knew how to read what people really needed even if they didn’t know it themselves.  I was just beaming.

The whole night was magical and wonderful, and it was just what my slave and I needed. I love those moments.

 Thank you so much to Avery for your vision and powerful leadership in making DandyKor possible. I would like to put out a very special Thank you to all who made this night possible. If it were not for the wonderfully experienced and skilled players manning the caning, paddling, and bondage booths, as well as Tease vending, the amazing leather man M as the MC, Alibi and his slaveonyx, and all of the local groups and individuals that volunteered and donated for this event -G- , AEL, NMFL, and Tease it would not have been the amazing night that it was. I am deeply deeply grateful to all of you.

For more information about Dandykor you can find them here:  http://dandykor.com/

Leather and Poly

Out of all of the aspects that I have assumed control over my slave the one that I don’t, through my choice, is the polyamorous aspect of our  relationship.  My slaves dating interests don’t have to go through me, nor do I tell her no when it comes to who she chooses. We do however both have a few strict rules that we follow in choosing our dating partners. No drugs, no alcoholics, must be employed.  The other “unspoken” rules that speak to whether or not the relationship continues are must be excellent in bed, must be independent, must be able to speak intelligently. 

Overall, however, I don’t interfere in her dating, and I don’t monitor her correspondence. I know that a lot of Masters do and that they have rules where the other person has to go through the Master to initiate dating with their slave. 

I do however have complete say over who plays with her.   My slave is never loaned out. I may from time to time invite someone to play with her when I am playing with her. But that is very rare. Personally I don’t understand the loaning out thing. I don’t get off on it, I find it rather distasteful.  I don’t mean playing with other people - that kind of loaning out I get. I mean loaning the slave out for sex. I don’t get that at all. I think that it is kind of gross, really. 

 When my slave is looking at dating she says that she isn’t interested in dating someone who is leather, she isn’t interested in her other lovers having any type of D/s element. Interesting huh? she says that being a slave is exhausting!!! LOL!!!   she can’t imagine being that tired with her other lovers!

Honestly speaking, the other reason that I don’t interfere with her dating is because I was   monogamous for many years. Although she was poly and she would date, we were mostly poly in theory and monogamous in practice. I didn’t take any control over her  polyamorous choices because I didn’t feel that I could do it responsibly. I didn’t feel that I would pick her other partners fairly and because of my own insecurities I would simply say no to everyone. So since I couldn’t be fair and responsible, I didn’t take control over that part of her life. Then when she found another partner that she was serious about really dating and wanted to start a sexual relationship with that person, it rocked me to my core. We went through it for about 5 months as we struggled to find where polyamory legitimately had a place in our lives. It was so deeply difficult at that time.

But we did come out on the other side, much stronger, much happier, very much in love. I however, still don’t take any control over that part of her life. Even though now I feel that I would be much more responsible, I still feel that those choices need to be hers. We do discuss things like sex, and negotiate time and make sure that we are both comfortable.  But those negations are done outside of the boundaries of our Master and slave relationship, just in case she would feel a need to withhold how she feels or what she wants for the sake of her service.   

Also conversely, when I date another partner I negotiate time and sex with my slave. I don’t just tell her who I am seeing and when we are going to do things. We do talk about it and I am very careful to take in her feelings.

I have heard of Masters who bring in other slaves, or submissive's or who tell their slave that they have to have a relationship sexually with someone else, and are surprised when the slave has FEELINGS about that.

I think that relationships, especially multiple ones, are delicate things. And I think that as much as Masters have control over our slaves, how a slave feels is their own. I want my slave to have full emotionally rich relationships, and only she knows who those people can be who would really fulfill her. 

After all  a  happy slave makes for a happy house.

What you say matters

I love it when I hear  a quote or an idea that makes me stop in my tracks and think. It is one of those a-ha moments that I love and that many times  reminds me of  how closely knit we all really are.
So here are  some of my favorites:

I was at a work meeting and my  boss was talking about productivity and company goals when he said this:
" A person cannot hold an  ideal in their  head with an action  that is contrary until one or the other must change." T.G.

And instead of thinking about company goals and productivity I instantly thought of BDSM and this community. About how people come into BDSM, and how all of us  have something in common- in that we choose our lives and relationships because we desire to have our actions meet our ideals.  For some those ideals are about  service or submission,  for others it can be about domination  or control.  
For others this quote can  describe how people can get out of an abusive, neglectful  or unfulfilling relationship. The ideal being an understanding of their self worth and their actions being in contrast to the support of that, leading to a change.


There was one my mom told me when I was in my teens. I was having a really rough go of things and she came into my room, sat down  and said the most honest thing that I carry with me still:
 "I can't promise you that things are going to get better, but I can promise you that they will change."



I think of this now as I look  at how far the community has come, how much it has changed, and how change brings the optimism of better.  Not the delivery of better, just the hope. 


There is a thingy on my desk that reads from author unknown:
"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do."

This is one of my biggies. Although intellectually I know that people will see what they want and need  to see no  matter what a person  does. That ultimately how I am  seen has more to do with the other persons  needs and filters then it will ever do with my intent or actions.  But I hold onto this because I need it for me.

I need to feel that even though I cant control how others feel about what I do- what I feel about what I do-  my reputation with myself- needs to have purpose. 



The one that I remember form that movie with Ben Kingsley when  he played Gandhi. I don't know if Gandhi ever said it, but Ben  was sure powerful when he did:
 "Do  it with  joy in your heart or not at all."

I use this when locking my slaves collar. When  talking about service, and when thinking about my own projects and leather journey.




I think that what amazes me is that the power of words and the intention of them can  be global, that we are there too in those thoughts and quotes and words.

I wonder was Gandhi leather?


Then there are the things that I have come up with and tell myself frequently:
"I can  do this, I can  do anything for --- hours."
"No Worries."
"What is the worst that can happen?"
"Well- that sucks real bad..."
"Yea- when pink monkeys fly out of my butt."
"How's that workin for ya?"

And my all time favorite:

"well........shit......." 
 
 
 

 







 



 






 

 



  




 
 

  
   








 
 












 

 

Warning: Anger Rant

When bigotry is condoned by the federal government people feel that they have a justified right to their own  hatred and in turn are supported in the expression of that hatred. No matter the expression. 


It is OK to kill sex workers because what they are doing is against the law anyway. If they had legitimate jobs they wouldn't deserve what they get.

It is OK to harrass and bully lebians and  gays because they arent real people, if they were like the rest of us then they would be allowed to marry-  like the rest of us.

It is OK to fire someone  because they are  involved in BDSM. Because those people-  well those people are just sick, and there are no laws saying that a company has to keep people like that in their employ. 


 There is that amazing quote by Martin-Niemöller:


First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
Then they came for the socialists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me


The words communist, socialist, and trade unionists  can  be easily substituted for anyone,and as time has show us all-   they have been.

So  who will be next on the hit list? 

Right now gays are fighting  for the right to marry and be granted the other 1700 federal rights that heterosexual couples have.  But it is more then just the ability to have a marriage licenses and the social recognition of our lives and our choices. It is about the prevention of murder and suicide, and  the  subtle social protection that comes when the government recognizes us as equals. 

 It does not mean the end of hate crimes,  or the end of bigotry, or the end of harassment. 

 What it does mean though is bigger then  those things-  it means hope. 


And never forget that  the only thing stronger then hate  is hope.