I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, August 30, 2013


Now that same sex couple marriage licenses are being issued in  counties all over NM  the question has been posed to  us just about every day, multiple times a day-  WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?????

I do truly appreciate the enthusiasm, in which people are asking us, and I am really looking forward to being legal as well, but I do not want to have it in some courthouse with just us. I want my wife and slave to have a proper wedding. You know - the dress, the ring, the ritual, the food, and the honeymoon, just like any other traditional interracial leather lesbian couple. HAHAHA!   

So yes, we are talking about getting married, again.

Honestly though – I am going to need to get past my anger first. This may sound stupid, and maybe you won’t understand unless you are not allowed to marry, but I am angry.  I guess now that we can be legal the last 11 years that I have loved, honored, cared for and provided for my wife didn’t matter, and I am supposed to get all excited because now it can matter? What about those years? What about our first wedding – not legally recognized? 

Why am I supposed to jump for joy because I get to jump through government hoops for something that should have always been?  So that I can have half a marriage certificate that is still not state of federally recognized? 

That is what makes me angry and hurt. That is why I am taking this slow- yes I want to marry her legally- but WHAT IF? What if we go get our license and the state does something completely out of left field and I am left with a document that isn’t worth the price of the paper that it was printed on. I can’t bear that thought. That we would marry again this time with the hope and joy if it being legal only to be left holding piece of paper that would be a running joke to those that had taken it away.

It would cut too deeply I think.

On one hand I hold this image of her- wedding gown, flowers, surrounded by loved ones, walking down that isle with a veil. Putting on that ring, doing that first “official” kiss of legal marriage, and the honey moon- yea! That is so sexy- her and I on this big soft bed watching TV, the wedding cake between us and only one spoon.  (What did you think we were going to do?  PERVERT!!!)

But what about all of our other kisses, were they not real enough, “official” enough, did they not matter?

I know – maybe I am over thinking this, but it is how I feel. I know that when we start the official planning for the wedding, this will fall away to the joy that I will feel being her wife in the legal world. But right now- I am her wife. I always have been. We were married, legal or not, and we have been for 8 years.

So when people say to me “so when are you going to get married” I think, I already am married. 

When people say this to me and they know me and my wife and the fact that we had a wedding, and we have been together for 11 years, it makes me pause. I know that they are well-meaning, but it makes me feel like they never really saw us as a married couple. We didn’t go around introducing ourselves as “partner” or “fiance” or “girlfriend” we have always used the word “wife.”  I know that isn’t their intent; but it stings.

So after some talking, my wife and I decided that we weren’t going to do this until we are ready, and that when we do get that piece of paper for us it will be the renewing of vows.We found that was how we could both wrap our heads around this concept of getting  “married” again.

When it is time we will know. And the party will be EPIC! 

UPDATE:  the IRS will recognize same sex marriages federally.  Time to  plan the party!

Friday, August 23, 2013


Well Shit- I am in over my head ten times the normal amount, and I'm exhausted on top of everything else.

The great news is that the new refrigerator is in, the washing machine is no longer leaking, and today the stove gets fixed. 

  Other great news is: The flogging class that we did for Self Serve was AWESOME!   My slave was an amazing help.  As I was going from couple to couple checking on their progress,  advancing their skill, giving suggestions on new positions, changing hands, adding or switching out floggers, and other things , I sent my slave to over to those that were struggling a little more with the basics, and she was so AMAZING! My slave has an innate way of understanding what is going on with people and a way of communicating that to them without judgment so that they can move forward themselves.

  It was so cool teaching a class with her! I am so proud!

  So now, I am prepping for this Monday.  I am speaking at AEL on maintaining your M/s, D/s and leather identities through crisis.
It seems to be quite a relevant subject for me, and one that is rarely discussed. The content will include understanding what makes identity, how identity relates to success, and how to maintain your identity when things are difficult. Quite frankly I am  excited to  hear what I am  going to say as I have only written the first 3 pages, out of about 20....... 

  Here is some information on the venue I will be speaking as posted by WhipDaddy on Fetlife:

The dinner begins at 7pm at in the private room of the Golden Corral restaurant located at 5207 San Mateo NE. The restaurant is on Mcleod and Osuna, located on the west side of the road. While there is no charge for the workshop, everyone in attendance must order a meal in exchange for Golden Corral giving us a private room. When you arrive, please inform the cashier that you are with AEL, and you will receive a special discount! Take care and we will be looking forward to seeing you all on Monday!


So   on top of that currently I am  I am  behind in  all of my classes, which  I started this week, and am  really struggling to  keep  my head above water. Luckily I am only behind in the chapter readings, the video content, the written assignments, finding my preceptor, and the internet correspondence.  Besides that I am ahead of the game. .....

  Honestly, I feel more stressed now than I did during the entire moving process!  I think one of the reasons for this is because at least while we were moving I could ask other people to do stuff!!

So....... Does ANYONE want to do my homework?

Volunteers get fed by my slave..........

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Flogging class tonight!

I am teaching a flogging class at Self Serve on Tuesday August 20th.

Bring a flogger or two or three, and a partner! It i will be covering:

1) Understanding flogger terminology and how different floggers’ work 2) Various ways to position your body and your bottom’s body that are unique to your body types 3) Flogging techniques geared towards everyone from the novice to advanced level player.

To guarantee a spot in the class, please reserve online at:

Online reservations will be taken until the day before the event. For last minute reservations, please call the shop at 505-265-5815
Price: $35.00 per couple
Where: Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center
When: Tuesday August 20th from 7:30-9:00 pm

Friday, August 16, 2013


It finally happened.

Yesterday we got the fridge in our new house.  We have been living out of coolers and keeping our frozen stuffs at the old house. So yesterday when the fridge came in we went to the old house and got our food.

Then it happened, on the drive away I could feel a weight being lifted, and for the first time I felt relief.
On Sunday morning we are going back to get my slaves plants- she does not want to leave them behind.
But I feel   finally ready to walk away and start anew.

Like it is time.
What a good feeling.

Tylenol- My new Best friend

This past week  has been  amazing. When  we put out that we needed help we had so many people, trucks, dollies, and support then I could ever hope for.

The horses are here safe and sound-  thank you J&L!!!

My slave hurt her shoulder pretty bad-so I am putting her to bed most of the time as well as  doping her up, and unpacking myself.

But I have moved over 30 times-  so unpacking is a no brainer.

I start  school on Monday,   teach  a flogging class at Self Serve on  Tuesday, and the next Monday I  am presenting at AEL on Mastery and crisis.

I hurt all over. 
My hair hurts.
That little moon shape in my nail beds hurt.
 And I smell....    really bad...... 

Thank you so much to: A, K&C, B, bb, T, and J&L!!!!!!

I cant thank you all enough for everything that you have done!!

Friday, August 9, 2013

AMG or "Ah Miii Gawd”

The first meeting of the Albuquerque Masters group was amazing. I am still thinking out the title,  for the moment I call it the AMG-  which I think can  go either way because it is a little too close to “Ah Miii Gawd”! Like the valley girls used to say in the 80’s. 

When I lived in   Florida I was invited to a private Dominants group.  I was told that it was a big deal because I was a woman and that was rare. The group was a collection of about 4 other men, it only went for a month or so, and overall it seemed like no one really knew how to talk candidly. There felt to be a lot of bluster and one guy who really liked to hear himself talk. It was not a great experience, but one that I have kept in the back of my mind, as it had gotten me to thinking.

Is it possible to have a Masters group that is open, honest, and candid?

Is it possible to have a Masters group where we all recognize that everyone has something to learn and something to teach?

 Is it possible to have a Masters group that is welcoming to new people, and accepting to people whose ideas are different from many of ours? For example- Gore.

If you want to be cocky you can say sure it’s possible, anything is possible.  But is it reasonable? Masters are used to being heard, we are used to being listened to. We as a rule are used to being the ones that control or at the very least direct the conversation, so  a group  of people  with control  issues tends not to listen  very well.  

So I came into this with a few goals.

1) Everyone needs a chance to talk and have their comments or questions heard.

2) That people feel comfortable to talk about the reality of their M/s instead of the convoluted theories that people think it should be.

3) That people won’t get caught in one upping each other.

I also knew that a lot of these things were going to fall on me as the moderator. So at one point I just closed my eyes and said “ok let’s do this thing.”

We met at Page one and the woman that had the room were finishing late. The Masters group was very punctual and ready to go in so people started getting restless, but overall we held it together until we could get in and get comfortable.

I have to say that it was an amazing group of people;   everyone seemed really vested in each others thoughts and processes. There were a few tense times, but that is to be expected, and I really felt that everyone worked really hard to stay grounded, candid, and open. It was a joy to see Masters really listening to each other, and differing points of view being debated.

Also, because how the meeting was structured people had a chance to be heard   and that for me was huge, people were even asking each other, "does that answer your question?"

How cool is that!

So now I am working on next month, I am  so  glad to say that we have a few host houses set up-  than k you so much to Baby Bear and DT !!!!!!! So I am starting to prep for the BBQ and potluck training time of which I am really excited about.

I am also taking a moment to just sit and smile. 

It’s working. I can’t believe its working.

Friday, August 2, 2013

This all seems surreal.

It is now Monday morning at about 1 am. By the time I post this it will be Friday morning and if everything goes as smoothly as it has been we will have done the walk through in the new house and have closed the next day. So here I am waiting for this week to unfold, and I am not happy per Se as much as melancholy, reflective, pensive, and removed. I know that in about nine hours I will be doing the walk through followed by wiring the money to the bank. I know that in about 34 hours I will be closing on the new house- but this all seems surreal.

On Tuesday June 18th I turned to my slave and said that I was done. I couldn’t do this anymore, that I didn’t know where we were going to land, but we couldn’t keep  doing  what we were doing and I  had reached my breaking point. Rightfully so, she was stunned, but never once said non and a fter a few minutes, she thoughtfully said OK.

A few days after that my slave  wrote about our situation  on Facebook and a few days after that we met our new realtor Beth Beaver who specializes in the East Mountains. So here  we are literally six weeks after that decision was made and we are closing on our new home and re looking at what our future can hold.

I am starting to get sad and frustrated about some things. I will miss my 5 acres as we go down to 2.5 . I will miss the green as it will take some time to build up the land; I will miss the feeling of solitude as our new neighbors will be in sight, and the openness of our current house as the new one is about 200 sq feet less, with a more closed floor plan.  

I am angry at this house, at myself, at the people that should have had our best interest at heart and failed us, I am angry. I am scared that I am putting all of this effort forth and in one year my slave and I will be in the same boat that we are here. I try to remind myself that we are making different decisions. That Beth knows her stuff right down to the subdivision and  that she has out best interest at heart. I know that we are going way below what we can really afford, and that we know so much more now than we did before.

I keep trying to reassure myself that this move will mean a difference for us, and that I shouldn’t feel so sad and frustrated. I should feel grateful, happy, and joyful, I should feel all sorts of things like relief, and relaxation- and yet here I am - unable to sleep at one am - waiting for – well- something.

I know that logically any move from where we are now will be a good thing. I know that logically this has brought about a massive amount of community and loved ones support and that should be my focus.  I know that logically in time I will adjust to less land and less house, but will smile when I see my horses well fed and feet trimmed. 

I know that logically this all makes sense- I am just waiting for the rest of me- literally the rest of me- to get there to. 

I can only hope about where we will be in a year, two years from now. That is what is getting me through the now- the hope that the future will be so much better than the last four years. I hold on to that with what strength and resolve I have left.

 The hope that I will be able to give back instead of having my hand out, the hope that my slave will never have another winter with no heat, or one more day with  an empty  pantry. The hope that I will never see the horses ribs again, the hope that I can reclaim my sense of dignity and self worth. 

Perhaps that is what scares me the most- if this doesn’t work- who will I be? What will I be left with? How can I rebuild if this doesn’t work? And I don’t mean my finances or my credit score, I mean myself. This house has striped me of who I thought I could be, and this move is putting all of that on the line- my sense of worth as a person ,as a lesbian ,as a Master. So the thought of failing now is the thought that I could loose every sense of myself that ever mattered to me.    

Come to think of it- with all of that on the line- maybe I am holding up pretty ok…….