I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, February 27, 2015

The Box.

When we lived in Tijeras we were in such financial straits that whenever a bill arrived that wasn't rooted in our survival, I threw it directly into “the box.” The intent was to pay it when I could.  When we moved to Edgewood I took the box with me knowing that I would one day be able to pay off all those back bills. The box contains some credit cards, some hospital bills, and a few people that we owe from the move like the bank. Overall, the outstanding balance is probably just around $9,000 in various amounts ranging from about $1000 to 125 $. 

The amazing thing is that I decided this is the year paying everyone back happens. This is the year that, although we may hurt from check to check,  we will  pay back that part of our lives as another step closer to our financial future. 

That box has been a part of my life – of our lives – for five years. And now, this March one of the biggest bills will officially be paid off! On top of that, we have decided to use all this year’s tax refund toward paying everything back. And I couldn’t be more EXCITED! This year is the year for no more box!

It is a vital goal I never thought I would reach. It is something that has stayed on my mind as a Master. If something were to happen to me, she would be left with this mess because we are now legally married. More significantly, what would that mean for her?

It weighed on me; still does.

We are in essence a very lucky couple. We don’t fight over money. We know we don’t have it and so we move on from there - hahaha. We both created that box, but as the breadwinner it is my responsibility to pay it off. I am blessed in that my slave completely respects our financial boundaries; she doesn’t spend what we don’t have. We discuss what is and isn’t doable. I am not emotionally punished for not making more money. she doesn’t spend money behind my back for me to   “find out” about. she doesn’t manipulate me into spending more than we have, or even make me feel bad about it. But this wasn’t always so.

There was time we did argue about money. It was tense on my paydays because it was going to be bad. But neither of us wanted that, and so we both sat down and had a conversation. We learned how to talk and support each other. We were both scared to openly talk about money, and in truth there are times when I still am. I still try to be honest, but sometimes my fear takes over, and I make promises that I know that I can’t come through on. 

We talk about it, and I am working on breaking that cycle. she is kind and patient, but the thought of not being able to provide for her when she asks so little from me breaks my heart. 

The good news is that when the box is done that is the end of our debt except for student loans, which I am pretty sure you are supposed to have until you die.

This coming November marks the end of the loans being paid back to the 401K and that means that I can start reinvesting in my retirement.

We are moving forward again after years of fear and stagnation. It is finally happening.

As a Master, I feel like I am finally making good decisions. Not all the time though, I am still learning. But I finally feel like I can provide for her in a way that SIGNIFICANTLY impacts her future and mine.

When I retire it’s going to be those two old dykes in a camper traveling across America with our cats, our dogs and rotisserie. We are going to have sex in every state and love every minute of gaying up America.

We are going to name our lesbo camper “Patchouli.”
As it should be.

Friday, February 20, 2015

14 year experienced: Newbie!!!!!

Last Saturday was Valentine’s Day and the AEL play party. My slave and I wanted to do something different so we contacted another couple and asked if they would like to play. One of them was male and the other was female. When they said “yes” we were so excited!! 

My slave and I started planning right away, so when we got to the party we were more then ready!!  We started by me tying them up back to back in very loose bondage. I don’t know them very well, so I kept the bondage loose- to make it more of a suggestion then an actual holding. My slave, who is a powerful Top in her own right, and incredibly empathic, picked the female “toy”. While I choose the male “toy” and before long it was GAME ON!  

I don’t play with men as a rule. It isn’t my interest.  But something about that night, those people, that experience and within minutes I was riding the wild pony of Top Space. It was hot, exciting, and I was caught up in the energy and the intensity of me on one side and my slave on the other. All of the moans and sounds and responses that were happening created intoxication. DEEPLY.

 At one point I stopped a second and looked on the floor. I saw blood. I looked again- it didn't register right away what it was. Two blood spots- on the floor. 

I don’t make people bleed unless I intent to. I have NEVER made someone bleed unintentionally, and I have NEVER made someone bleed at a public play party where there was a no body fluids rule. So I stared at the floor stupidly. Trying to get my head together without taking him out of his head space. 

It was then that I realized that we must have had people watching because all of the sudden I had tons of help. The beautiful and amazing Tops pointed out where the blood was coming from my “toys” body, the DMs were handing me paper towels and cleaning solution, and the graceful doe eyed helper took  my cane and cleaned it while I tried to come out of Top  Space enough  to get my head together.

I was concerned, embarrassed and flying all at the same time. 

I told the toy right away in case we needed to stop, or there was something that he needed to tell me. He was still a go, so we continued the scene as I used the paper towels to put pressure on the open area while I grabbed and pulled his junk. I sprayed and wiped the blood at his feet without him stepping on it. 

Then a wonderful three piece suit man said “how about ice?” and I said “GREAT IDEA!” Within seconds I had ice in my hand wrapped in a paper towel. Which I held to the area as it closed up right away. It also oddly created a great part to the scene.  After the area was wiped down and the skin tear was closed we continued to play. At this point I was brought some water, thanks again to the amazing Tops. 

I took it into my mouth, but I could feel him coming out of his head space- so I spit it on him. It was a gut move and it worked. His head tilted back and his mouth opened- he was right back where I wanted him. 

It wasn’t much longer before we were finishing up.

That is to say we were toast. All four of us. 

As my slave and I took the toys out of bondage, we had tons of help. People brought us water, food; they took my toy, my slave and her toy into the living room for aftercare. I guarded the play space from others coming into it until I could get it properly cleaned.

The host came through and I told them what had happened and they got some different cleaning solution. We wiped down the area. The lovely doe eyed assistant was a HUGE help as she packed all the toys so that I could go and concentrate on aftercare.

That experience was so intense for me and my slave. We were flying high, both of us. For two days we slept and relaxed and enjoyed coming down off of the scene.

Later on I asked for pictures of his junk because I wanted to make sure that everything was OK- when he sent them I saw that that damage was from the clothespins and not the caning. This relieved me some.

But I still shake my head. I have been a nurse for 20 years. I have seen people bleed out; I have held a dialysis shunt closed to stop someone from dying.  I have held surgical wounds closed with my hands until the surgeon could get there and staple them shut. I have experience with wounds, and trauma, and blood. But all it took was one skin tear on my toys nuts and all that experience went right out the window.

I am so deeply grateful to my toy- who was a joy to play with. To Tops for her kindness and lovely voluptuous self, to the DMs for their quick and vital assistance. For the lovely doe eyed assistant who was so eager to help. To The amazing three piece suit man who took my toy afterwards while I cleaned up, to the hosts where were gracious about the whole thing, and to everyone who offered food and water.

Lesson  learned.  

On this bottom- no clothespins AND caning-   DON’T BE GREEDY!!!!!

Friday, February 13, 2015

To see or not to see.

Every time that I turn on a computer or want to pop into my email I see the advertisement for 50 Shades of Grey. I am  not that interested in  seeing the film as I have nothing in  common with  the main  characters, and in  general  I am  not interested in  heterosexual  romance themes. 50 Shades is written for a very mainstream audience including a mainstream BDSM audience. It never would have gotten published if the players were poor, of color, of size, or in some other way NOT a rich, white, heterosexual couple where the woman was still a virgin. 

That this is what makes BDSM safe, the idea that it is an exclusive club that establishes male and white superiority and Dominance. Throw  in  perfect hair and unlimited money and Whoola- it is somehow validated as OK for the masses. 

The movie “Kink” came out in 2014. It is a documentary that shows male submissives, and female - female couplings. If you type in BDSM into YouTube there are over 100,000 results, including clips from the Lisa Ling documentary that was done on ABC News Nightline. In that documentary- which I have seen- there are people of size, people of color, and alternative types of play (like cigar play). I got to give it to her Lisa Ling did not try to make it safe. 

One of the things that I love about the reality of BDSM is its diversity.  It is one of those things that makes BDSM so risky, so complex, so compelling, and so fulfilling. It is the idea that we not only are we not all  white, rich, thin  and virginesque- we are outside those things and still have a right to  seek  the fulfillment of our fantasies and desires. We have a drive to find ourselves in all of the arenas of life including those that doesn’t have anything to do with sex, those parts of the self that are based in the deeper psychological wells of race, gender, sexuality, powerlessness, and religion. 

We face the depth of our desire to serve, to give up power, to be humiliated, and to be loved BECAUSE of those things. 

What if 50 shades had no sexual component? What would be left? The emphasis would be on her need for powerlessness, his need for power. Her need to serve and his need to be served. Her need to be in a place where for anything to happen she has to consent first. How subversive would that be? If consent and delving into “fantasies made reality” was the principle part of the film.

I love our community. I love the absolute diversity, not just of the physical appearances of the people involved, but the extreme diversity of our desires.  I have a deep respect for those that don’t let their physical appearance decide for them what their identity is in BDSM. The power of meeting and talking with  male submissives, female Dommes,  people of color that identify as slaves, and people of size that are service subs and not punching bags.  People that say out loud and proud- my BDSM is not about sex,  it is not about pain, it  is about something that I  experience when I am getting lunch,  serving coffee,  or feeling the weight of my collar around my neck.

It isn’t that sex doesn’t belong in BDSM- it does. It is where most of us start. But those of us driven to understand ourselves don’t let it end there. What starts in the dudgeon affects every part of our lives. How we stand, who we serve, how we feel viscerally fulfilled in our everyday. 
Ever go to work after a thrilling BDSM experience? One that opens your eyes, made you feel really alive, really in touch with yourself? You are lighter, happier, more able to handle the day to day. Even if you don’t identify your BDSM role in your vanilla world- it still spills over. 

For many of us the whips and chains and dungeons are the background, and the connection to self, connection to others, and fulfillment of desire is where the power of BDSM truly lies.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Happy Endings

When my slave and I first got together it was a different time, even  though it was only 14 years ago  it was very different in  terms of media, social  acceptance , the law, and what was viewed as acceptable. There were still  laws on  the books that read that homosexuality or specifically  sodomy is illegal (there still are). In  Florida there was a law against renting a one bedroom  residence to  two people of the same gender. This is just to  give you an  idea of the types of laws that were in place that are finally being questioned today. 

There were no  social  role models for us when  we were first together- not that there are now- but there was no  concept that two  dykes could have a long term  relationship. Our relationships didn’t exist unless it was in the context of a joke- the old U haul  comes back to  haunt us.  Long term  relationships for lesbians didn’t exist unless they were sexually devoid, one or both  of them was an  alcoholic, there was an ongoing  fight over who  got to  be called “mommy” to  the kidsor they were racked with  personal  guilt and were slowly mentally deteriorating because they were gay. Those were our social  role models. 

There are no  happy endings for us. 

I got lucky- both  of my parents were gay. My mom was in  an  abusive relationship  with her “wife”  for 10 years.  My father has been  with  his husband since I was 7 or so. They are legally married. However as much  as that is luck  it is not. Neither of these relationships would I consider a relationship  model that I would want to  emulate.They instead where everything that I never wanted. The constant fighting , anger,  violence, in my mothers home. My father and his husband are not loving and not supportive of each  other. 

BUT- I say that I was lucky because I at least had the understanding  that a long term  same sex relationship is  POSSIBLE.

Even  though my parents were gay, my slave and I still  didn’t get any of the validation that straight couples get. You  want to know the irony-  when  we announced our Florida wedding to my father and his husband,  they said nothing. Here we were sitting next to  another gay couple  and it didn’t matter. There were no  offers to  pay for the wedding as my father had paid for my brothers, or a honeymoon. No  gifts of house down payments that my brother had  received. In fact no  one attended the wedding  from my blood family. 

We didn’t bother to  invite my slaves we already knew the answer.

So  here we are 14 years later. And I am -  I am-  feeling like I live in  a fantasy. The other day we had hours of raunchously dirty sex. In the end we were covered in  cum. Neither of us are drinkers,  and we don’t argue as a rule. We have this joyously peaceful life.  

Then  the weirdest thing happened.  My slaves Aunt asked for babies from  us. She gave details as to  how we needed to  get babies, and that babies made her very happy. It was surreal. And I got to thinking-  is this what straight people go  through? 

The great thing about being gay is that no one expects anything from  you. You  are already a deviant and lost so your decisions don’t matter.  It is the greatest gift and the greatest misery all  in  one. You  aren't held to the expectations of society. You are in  essence free. All with the knowledge that as much  as there are no expectations,   there will be no one to  push  you either. 

So  you're life is truly yours.
And this life-  my slave and I  have taken by the balls.

Honestly sometimes as I wake up in  the morning and  watch her sleeping, and I can  barely believe myself what we have done here. Our  life.