I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, February 13, 2015

To see or not to see.

Every time that I turn on a computer or want to pop into my email I see the advertisement for 50 Shades of Grey. I am  not that interested in  seeing the film as I have nothing in  common with  the main  characters, and in  general  I am  not interested in  heterosexual  romance themes. 50 Shades is written for a very mainstream audience including a mainstream BDSM audience. It never would have gotten published if the players were poor, of color, of size, or in some other way NOT a rich, white, heterosexual couple where the woman was still a virgin. 

That this is what makes BDSM safe, the idea that it is an exclusive club that establishes male and white superiority and Dominance. Throw  in  perfect hair and unlimited money and Whoola- it is somehow validated as OK for the masses. 

The movie “Kink” came out in 2014. It is a documentary that shows male submissives, and female - female couplings. If you type in BDSM into YouTube there are over 100,000 results, including clips from the Lisa Ling documentary that was done on ABC News Nightline. In that documentary- which I have seen- there are people of size, people of color, and alternative types of play (like cigar play). I got to give it to her Lisa Ling did not try to make it safe. 

One of the things that I love about the reality of BDSM is its diversity.  It is one of those things that makes BDSM so risky, so complex, so compelling, and so fulfilling. It is the idea that we not only are we not all  white, rich, thin  and virginesque- we are outside those things and still have a right to  seek  the fulfillment of our fantasies and desires. We have a drive to find ourselves in all of the arenas of life including those that doesn’t have anything to do with sex, those parts of the self that are based in the deeper psychological wells of race, gender, sexuality, powerlessness, and religion. 

We face the depth of our desire to serve, to give up power, to be humiliated, and to be loved BECAUSE of those things. 

What if 50 shades had no sexual component? What would be left? The emphasis would be on her need for powerlessness, his need for power. Her need to serve and his need to be served. Her need to be in a place where for anything to happen she has to consent first. How subversive would that be? If consent and delving into “fantasies made reality” was the principle part of the film.

I love our community. I love the absolute diversity, not just of the physical appearances of the people involved, but the extreme diversity of our desires.  I have a deep respect for those that don’t let their physical appearance decide for them what their identity is in BDSM. The power of meeting and talking with  male submissives, female Dommes,  people of color that identify as slaves, and people of size that are service subs and not punching bags.  People that say out loud and proud- my BDSM is not about sex,  it is not about pain, it  is about something that I  experience when I am getting lunch,  serving coffee,  or feeling the weight of my collar around my neck.

It isn’t that sex doesn’t belong in BDSM- it does. It is where most of us start. But those of us driven to understand ourselves don’t let it end there. What starts in the dudgeon affects every part of our lives. How we stand, who we serve, how we feel viscerally fulfilled in our everyday. 
Ever go to work after a thrilling BDSM experience? One that opens your eyes, made you feel really alive, really in touch with yourself? You are lighter, happier, more able to handle the day to day. Even if you don’t identify your BDSM role in your vanilla world- it still spills over. 

For many of us the whips and chains and dungeons are the background, and the connection to self, connection to others, and fulfillment of desire is where the power of BDSM truly lies.

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