The use of Intention

Be4 I begin I would like to sincerely thank LG and her slave l for inviting us into their home and being so warm and open.



The concept of intention was brought up as LG and slave l talked about the Master and slave retreats that they had attended. At one point the leader of the retreat talked about coming into a scene with intention, and as they continued to talk I thought to myself, that is really interesting. Usually I have an idea of what I would like, or the thought that if this certain thing happened that would be nice, or I know that I want this type of play. But I don’t think I ever came into a scene with a very clear and focused intention.


So I started thinking about what playing with intention would mean. Would it really be that different if I had an intention? Or would it feel like it was something that I had to mentally interrupt the scene to remember what the intention was. Could it take play to another level, or did it just sound intense and evolved but just end up being something that I couldn’t connect to and was annoyed by.


I do come into a scene with the thought of what type of play I want to use, and if I want the scene to be close and intimate or intense and sexual. The thought of using not just intention, but emotional intention would change that. The play wouldn’t just be about using that particular new toy, or causing pain, or getting my rocks off, it could be about coming in with the idea that I want to create this type of experience for her, and for me.


So after some time, as I got myself ready, and thought about how to incorporate this new thing when I did finally use it, there was an explosive result. Because I knew exactly what I wanted to emotionally achieve, remaining focused on that helped me read her better and be more prepared for the outcome. I was really shocked at how the use of emotional intention refocused and clarified the scene.


The focus completely changed from using that type of toy and that type of scene, to using the right toy and the right scene at the right time to create the intense experience that I wanted from her. The use of clothespins was secondary to the thought that it was my intention to give her emotional release, to have her cry and feel my love and support the whole time. The use of clothespins was chosen because they fit that intention, they are close, painful, pushy, and can force someone to deal with pain unexpectedly.


I can also say that coming into that scene with emotional intent left me completely out of it. I was unprepared for the intensity of my own emotional reaction that the focus led me into. It was heady and powerful and had me feeling like I had been a part of something bigger then myself.
I can tell you this, I could really get used to the feeling of using emotional intention. I don’t know if I can do it all of the time, it created such an intense response from both her and me, and that would take a while to get used to. Coming into this scene with intention was an extremely deep experience, and I feel that I shouldn’t undertake it again lightly.


But I do feel that I could maybe use intention with a little lighter expected outcome. What would it mean for the intention to be her sexual experience leaves her unable to walk for a while? Or what if the intention was to make her laugh, and giggle, and feel my heart? Maybe this first time playing with such a strong and powerful concept like intention should have been something a little less driven towards intensity, so that I could get used to what it produced.


OR maybe, that’s what it was supposed to be, no amendments, or changes, just pure untouched emotion.


Either way, bringing intention into the scene was amazing, powerful, and lead me to feel that something else had been achieved, that there was a greater power then us in the room ,and it had cared for us both and lead us to safely in each others arms.

Playing “Hard”

Last Saturday was the AEL play party, and I really needed that! My slave and I try to go every month, but sometimes life just gets in the way, and it has felt like forever since we have been able to go. So I was excitedly getting ready, as my beginning to get sick slave was doing her best to keep up with me. The party was everything that I had wanted, people were so amazing, friendly, warm and welcoming, and the room was open for us to play about ten or so.

We went in, and I undressed her, I love undressing her, and we began a clothespin scene. I had a feeling that it was going to be intense and emotional, so I was prepared for that, and sure enough it did. All of the things that my slave had been holding in started to be released as the pain of the clothespins made their way around her inner thighs, breasts, and the underside of her arms.

But it was when I started taking them off that the catharsis began.

Every time she tried to hold in her tears I would remove one or two more, pushing her to cry, to let it out. Between the pain I would touch her and talk to her softly, letting her now that I was here, and that I was waiting for her to be ready.

It was everything that I wanted in the scene, heady, emotional, intense, cathartic…

Afterwards I got her semi dressed and we headed towards the cool down room. My slave was completely gone, the sub space and tears had her glazed over and made her spacey. I was so heavily in Domme space that I felt like I had just been rode hard and put up wet, I was completely glazed over myself and flying high from our emotional exchange. We walked thorough a room with some people talking and I guided her into the cool down room and onto the bed to lie down.

That’s when I overheard it…

“What did they do?”

“Just a few clothespins…”

And I thought “WHAT?”

But that’s exactly what it must have looked like, the head trip that my slave and I had gone on, the intensity of the emotional response that she had to the pain as I pushed her hard, all boiled down to one visual - just a few clothespins.

Later the next day I was talking to S, and he was talking about his scene, they had done some bondage, and then he had laid her onto the bed and together they had gone on a mind trip through his use of hypnosis. It was intense and emotional for them, but to the outside world, they had just done a little bondage.

So it got me to thinking about this concept of playing hard. There are a few things in the social world of BDSM that serve to create a hierarchy. Some of them are- the types of play that a person does (the edgier the play the closer to the top of the “hierarchy”), how many they have trained or mentored, how long they have been playing (the longer someone has been playing the closer to the top of the hierarchy), and how hard they play (the harder the more prestige).

Some people think that a Dominant is only skilled if they are playing with extreme sadism and there is a lot of flourish and showmanship involved. However, there are a lot of different ways to play hard, sometimes it can be a physical toll, and sometimes it is an emotional and physiological one.

There are bottoms that can be beaten all day long, but get into their head and they are unable to handle even the smallest of words, thoughts, and suggestions. Then there are bottoms that can take those words and fly high and strong, but are unable to take excesses of pain. Then there are those that enjoy both. However, it takes a skilled top or Dominant to know what the bottom can handle and when, and use that to get the bottom right where they want them.

So it may look to the outside world like just a simple scene, but if it takes you were you want and need to go, then that is all that matters. Even if those that are watching don’t really get it…..

Masters and Touch: Understanding Boundaries

When it comes to Master and slave relationships oftentimes we think about the things that are very easy to see. The house being cleaned, the slave serving the dinner, public protocol and so forth. But as in all relationships the intricacies are much more complicated than that, otherwise, it wouldn’t matter who the Master has serve them.

One of the intricacies that we all deal with is the concept of touch. Who needs it, who doesn’t, who dictates it, how often and why.

So why is this important? Because touch has everything to do with how a person experiences the world. For some people touch is integral to their daily life. It revitalizes and refreshes them; it gives the strength, and reinforces love. Without touch a part of them literally starts to freeze or die away.

For others touch is repulsive, it takes away from their sense of safety and at a very core level puts them on the defensive.

I am not saying that one experience is better or more evolved then the other, they just are, and since people come from many varied emotional and physical places in life the experience of touch is different for everyone.

Taking abusive and manipulative relationships out of the equation, the Master has pretty much the entire dictate on touch, both the giving and receiving of it.

There are Masters that absolutely love their slaves cooing and giving them affection. This back and forth of touch reinforces the Masters place in the house and the power that they feel over their relationships. It may also lead to an enhanced sense of protection over those that are in their charge.

Then there are Masters that become Masters because they are not able to tolerate touch. They need to be in relationships were they can dictate that limited touch or no touch is the rule. For them the experience of being a Master is about keeping the slave hands off and having that not just acceptable but the enforced expectation. For these types of Master’s touch makes them feel uneasy, less empowered and vulnerable.

If the Master gets with a slave that is equally paired to them then there will be harmony in the house. The slave will be just as emotionally and viscerally content to give touch or not to give touch as the Master is to receive or to not receive touch.

Because touch is viscerally tied to internal concepts such a safety, love-ability, and self worth if the Master and slave are not paired up emotionally on that level, then one or the other will start to push for touch to happen.

In essence they are not just pushing for the actual touch, they are pushing for the experience of what that touch means to them. If touch means safety then the Master or the slave will push for their sense of safety, if touch means they are loved then that is what they will push for.

If the Master needs touch to feel safe and the slave does not give it, or gives it reluctantly or with disdain, then the Masters sense of emotional safety will be compromised. This can create confusion on the Masters part as to why they feel unfulfilled in some way, and over time if unresolved can become a bigger and bigger issue.

I know that for me touch is huge. It is extremely important to my sense of self and my sense of the world.

When I was a kid I was an untouchable. No one wanted to touch me, maybe then knew that I was gay, maybe I was too scary to them, and I never really understood that.

Then when I was 8 years old I was raped, and after that people took an extra wide berth of me. No hugs, no hand touching, no nothing. I was unworthy of being touched. Maybe they figured that they would break me or something, maybe they were afraid of me. I never knew.

In my first marriage my ex-wife was repulsed by touch, she hated it when I would reach for her. To her it meant that I was weak and a coward and she expressed that very strongly and often.

So when I left her I told myself I wanted touch, and that I would not compromise that in the future.

Soon after I left I met my wife and slave, and not only did she touch me, she touched me A LOT!!! And boy did I freak OUT!!!!

It took a while to relax enough to really start enjoying her touch, and now I crave it as much as I crave air.

For me in my Mastery I need her touch, it says to me all of the things that words cannot. I need her morning kisses, her reaching for my hand, her soft caresses, and her zerberts on my arms.

I am not saying that I want touch from everybody, there are A LOT of people I would rather never touch me at all. And I am not saying that I can handle touch all of the time, sometimes I really can’t, even from my very patient slave. So over the past year or so I have given myself permission to take a step back from people and say no thank you, it isn’t you, it’s me.

So I think my point to the whole thing is this- whether you want touch or not is up to you, but when it comes to choosing someone in your life choose wisely. Choose those that give and receive touch in a way that helps you to flourish.

Neither way is better than the other, but your way is integral to you.

I talk a lot of shit........

Well Shit....

This is the first Friday I have missed my blog deadline in over a year.
Honestly it wasn't because I ran out of time or anything like that; I've just been so distracted lately.

Last Wednesday my slave finally crashed and burned. The fears over everything that has been happening in our life finally took their toll and she just let it all out through tears and grief. To be very frank I have been a roller coaster of complication myself, and I know that has worn on her.

But at that moment it felt so very good to hold her and put her into bed. I made her breakfast with kiwi and brought her special water then turned on the CD she likes. I made her stay in bed all day.

After I got her situated I had a real need to straighten the house, take care of the dishes and do some laundry. I felt I really needed to do some things that would reground me, and make me feel like I had some control over the hurricane of chaos that has seemed to surround us.


So I walked into the kitchen and a strange sense of disorientation hit me.

Where was the smell of fried eggs?

Where was the cold fresh cucumber water in my favorite cup?

Where was the dish washing liquid?

How did this get so complicated?

Shaking my head I thought "Well how about I start with a load of laundry instead? Then I could tackle the kitchen."

I walked over and opened the laundry room door and stared at what I thought was the washing machine. It could have also been a cold fusion machine, or an air traffic control system.
This thing had a lot of buttons, a couple of drawers and it lit up like C3PO on crack.


I backed away slowly and shut the door.

That is when I realized it....


I talk a lot of shit.

I have often talked about the Masters responsibility to know their household, and the concept that if the Master does not know what it takes to run their home, then they have no idea what they are asking, and therefore are not really in tune to the amount of service and sacrifice it takes to serve them.

In essence if the Master doesn’t know what they are asking, then how can they ask it?


(Watch for it, here comes the crow.)


Just about then was when I realized that as a Master I didn't know about some of the things that it took for my own household to run smoothly.

So after some intense thought I have come to the conclusion that maybe some things are beyond a Masters abilities.

Maybe by sheer genetic design Masters are predisposed to episodes of blacking out when it comes to things like laundry and dishes.

Yea-- that sounds good----

In the end things did get done.

The dishes were thoroughly washed with laundry soap.

The laundry was done--- ummm--- yea.....


And for a day at least I felt a sense of balance and peace that I had not felt in a long time.

Although it was not to last, for that one day I felt normal again.

Now if I could just remember what I did with the vacuum cleaner and where is the cat?