When it comes to Master and slave relationships oftentimes we think about the things that are very easy to see. The house being cleaned, the slave serving the dinner, public protocol and so forth. But as in all relationships the intricacies are much more complicated than that, otherwise, it wouldn’t matter who the Master has serve them.
One of the intricacies that we all deal with is the concept of touch. Who needs it, who doesn’t, who dictates it, how often and why.
So why is this important? Because touch has everything to do with how a person experiences the world. For some people touch is integral to their daily life. It revitalizes and refreshes them; it gives the strength, and reinforces love. Without touch a part of them literally starts to freeze or die away.
For others touch is repulsive, it takes away from their sense of safety and at a very core level puts them on the defensive.
I am not saying that one experience is better or more evolved then the other, they just are, and since people come from many varied emotional and physical places in life the experience of touch is different for everyone.
Taking abusive and manipulative relationships out of the equation, the Master has pretty much the entire dictate on touch, both the giving and receiving of it.
There are Masters that absolutely love their slaves cooing and giving them affection. This back and forth of touch reinforces the Masters place in the house and the power that they feel over their relationships. It may also lead to an enhanced sense of protection over those that are in their charge.
Then there are Masters that become Masters because they are not able to tolerate touch. They need to be in relationships were they can dictate that limited touch or no touch is the rule. For them the experience of being a Master is about keeping the slave hands off and having that not just acceptable but the enforced expectation. For these types of Master’s touch makes them feel uneasy, less empowered and vulnerable.
If the Master gets with a slave that is equally paired to them then there will be harmony in the house. The slave will be just as emotionally and viscerally content to give touch or not to give touch as the Master is to receive or to not receive touch.
Because touch is viscerally tied to internal concepts such a safety, love-ability, and self worth if the Master and slave are not paired up emotionally on that level, then one or the other will start to push for touch to happen.
In essence they are not just pushing for the actual touch, they are pushing for the experience of what that touch means to them. If touch means safety then the Master or the slave will push for their sense of safety, if touch means they are loved then that is what they will push for.
If the Master needs touch to feel safe and the slave does not give it, or gives it reluctantly or with disdain, then the Masters sense of emotional safety will be compromised. This can create confusion on the Masters part as to why they feel unfulfilled in some way, and over time if unresolved can become a bigger and bigger issue.
I know that for me touch is huge. It is extremely important to my sense of self and my sense of the world.
When I was a kid I was an untouchable. No one wanted to touch me, maybe then knew that I was gay, maybe I was too scary to them, and I never really understood that.
Then when I was 8 years old I was raped, and after that people took an extra wide berth of me. No hugs, no hand touching, no nothing. I was unworthy of being touched. Maybe they figured that they would break me or something, maybe they were afraid of me. I never knew.
In my first marriage my ex-wife was repulsed by touch, she hated it when I would reach for her. To her it meant that I was weak and a coward and she expressed that very strongly and often.
So when I left her I told myself I wanted touch, and that I would not compromise that in the future.
Soon after I left I met my wife and slave, and not only did she touch me, she touched me A LOT!!! And boy did I freak OUT!!!!
It took a while to relax enough to really start enjoying her touch, and now I crave it as much as I crave air.
For me in my Mastery I need her touch, it says to me all of the things that words cannot. I need her morning kisses, her reaching for my hand, her soft caresses, and her zerberts on my arms.
I am not saying that I want touch from everybody, there are A LOT of people I would rather never touch me at all. And I am not saying that I can handle touch all of the time, sometimes I really can’t, even from my very patient slave. So over the past year or so I have given myself permission to take a step back from people and say no thank you, it isn’t you, it’s me.
So I think my point to the whole thing is this- whether you want touch or not is up to you, but when it comes to choosing someone in your life choose wisely. Choose those that give and receive touch in a way that helps you to flourish.
Neither way is better than the other, but your way is integral to you.