I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, June 29, 2012

SSC, RACK, PRICK, suck my........

A few weeks back my amazing slave did a presentation at PERV.  She was brilliant, and I will be posting her notes for those that missed her speak!  That aside,  the first hour of PERV the leaders go over rules, concepts, and social graces that new people need to know, it is like a quickie 101 class that covers the basics. 

Something that they cover are the concepts of SSC, RACK, and PRICK.  Which are acronyms that have been used in the community for years to co notate safety and what makes BDSM, fetish and kink separate from abuse.

SSC is the oldest term. It means safe, sane and consensual.
People that disagreed with SSC came up with RACK which means risk aware consensual kink.         
People that disagreed with that came up with PRICK which means personal responsibility, informed consensual kink.

Really people?

So here are my thoughts…..

First off PRICK is misogynistic, and non inclusive. What about having an acronym for safety not based on male genitalia?  How about CLIT? I also strongly believe that a person can’t always be informed. How can you be informed about how you will respond as a top or a bottom to a new type of play that you have never done before? You may be informed on the technique- but the emotional response takes on a life of its own.  How can you be personally aware of a disease process that you have if it  hasn’t manifested itself? And avoid those certain types of play that are dangerous to do? (For example- a person with a fluid restriction or congestive heart failure, or high  blood pressure should not do saline injections. Breath play and reactive airway disease --RAD-     can be deadly, and genital cutting and diabetes are a potentially castrating mix.)  Also the use of the term Kink is extremely exclusive.  Many of us don’t view what we do as kink, or kinky.  There are many that are strictly fetishist.

I know that this is a technicality of terms here - but the word kink just doesn’t cover the very broad range of who we are and what we do.   

Leather isn’t my kink- it is who I am, and who my slave is.

Then there is RACK. I go back to my previous points; first off awareness of something a person has never done before is a fallacy.  Just because a person is aware of the possible physical tolls, does not mean that they are aware of the emotional ones.  It also does not mean that what their bodies once accepted, they can continue to accept. Being aware of the risks assumes that you know your own risk. And that is not always possible.  Again with the use of the word kink – that does not include a massive amount of people   in the community.  

Personally I like SSC. I know that the argument initially was that what we do is not safe, and definitely not sane.  I beg to differ.  

What we do is safe within what we know at this time. What I mean by that is--- new information about play is coming out all of the time. Our safety is based in what we know now, and that may be different then what we know five years from now. Twenty years ago it was considered safe to tie someone up by their wrists, we (as in the community) know more about joints and nerves now. Ten years ago cutting was done with betadine-  now we know that betadine slows healing, so alcohol is sometimes the better choice. For that matter-  the use of gloves did not come into fashion until just recently.....

As far as emotional safety we go off of our own desire and our past experiences. Although we may misjudge our responses at that time it does not mean that we are less responsible, or less informed.  It just means that we strove for safety, and may have fell short.

As far as sane. If what we do is not sane, then does that mean it is insane? What is more sane the recognizing who you are and then doing something about it? What is more sane the negotiating pleasure and seeking others that fit your desires? There is no negotiation with insanity, no reason, no aftercare, no red-ing out. 

Insanity is about disconnection for reality- play is about the deepest connection to the reality that we have.

So in my opinion I say we return to SSC. It is easy to remember, inclusive, and general enough to keep people talking. And that is what it was supposed to do, keep people talking and thinking about what we are doing.

Rant over……

Friday, June 22, 2012

Dont have a partner, dont want to go to a play party?

So I don’t understand something. I have actually heard this a lot- the comment of- I don’t want to go to a play party because I don’t have anyone to play with.  Isn’t that kind of like I don’t want to go to McDonalds because I don’t have a hamburger?  Or I don’t want to go to the beach because I don’t already have sunburn?  Or I don’t want to read that book because I don’t know the ending?

 Isn't this putting the cart before the horse or something like that?

 I have an idea, why don’t you go to a play party and see who else goes? I mean inst a person more likely to find what they are looking for if they go to a place where that thing might be?  You don’t go looking for a new car at Wal-Mart- at least not yet anyway.

And play and play partners are the same thing.

 Of course I realize that I am a little cocky, well a lot cocky, and very blessed that I have my slave in my life. So I can’t say much about what it must be like in the dating pool out there. Or how it would feel to go to a lot of events and come away without playing but getting to sit by while others do.  I would think that that would suck. A lot.  And after a time it would get tiring, and going to events would feel pointless. 

But isolating yourself from what you want isn’t the answer either.
You aren’t going to find a play partner by not going anywhere or doing anything. Get out there, talk and meet people, and maybe learn the art of conversation while you are at it. If going to events were people are actively playing is too hard because it really hits you emotionally try going to events were play isn’t going to happen, but people will be in the lifestyle.   

That takes the pressure off.

You know what also helps- masturbate before you go out. No, really I am serious here, a relaxed person is much easier to meet and talk with then a tense one, and masturbation will take the edge off. 

If you want to talk to someone, but don’t know how to start he conversation here is a tip- walk up to someone, and compliment them on something, it doesn’t matter what- their clothing, their car,  whatever.  After you compliment them then  ask them a question about that thing, and actually listen to the answer…  and  take it form there.

The simple truth is that although my slave and I have an amazing, life, that is full of love laughter, orgasms and play, all of this started because she walked over to me and said “hi my name is eve” , and I said “you are the most beautiful woman in this bar.”  All of this was because she had the guts to come over and say hi.

It was as simple as that.  And yet not as simple. Take a breath, give yourself a break and get out there.

I look forward to meeting you!!!

Monday, June 18, 2012


OMG!!!  I was at a party this Saturday when  someone  commented on this weeks blog about my front gate!!!

Seriously it is the front gate leading onto  our property!!!

It was not a euphemism for pussy!! Do you people ever think about anything except sex??????

Really when I was talking front gate I was literally  talking about  the  gate leading from the driveway to the porch!!!!


Friday, June 15, 2012


Who do you think that you are playing with?  What is wrong with you?  Can you not feel my power over you front gate?  What makes you think that I am playing here?  I have all power over you!  And yet you still think that breaking after I fix you is funny? Do  you laugh when you sag, or when you fall over, or when you pull yourself off of your hinges?

 I will dominate you and your rusty hinges!  I will make you feel my power    despite your low hanging front end!  You and I front gate have been at war for the least four years.  You may think that you have won by this last attempt at coming off your hinges!  But no!  

Know this front gate—when I am done with you you will obey my every command!
You will open and close at my WHIM!  You will remain shut and not poke people non consensually with your wires! You will keep your splinters and your comments to yourself!  You will be my bitch front gate!

 Make no mistake here that my sheer power and my electric screwdriver will wield you into obedience!
You will tremble at my appearance; you will shrink in fear as I approach you!

 You will remain naked and you will do my bidding , and when I lend you out to others that will use you as they see fit you will open and close without trying to throw yourself on the ground, you will  not complain, you will  silently comply and make people feel good about using you!

 So do not think for one moment front gate that I have given up on your training!  As soon as daylight hits you and I will go another round!
I will dominate you like no other and in the end you will give me exactly what I want!
So be aware!  Tonight I rest, tonight I eat cake, and tonight I charge my eclectic screwdriver!  And tomorrow, tomorrow when I come out that front door you will know that your will and not your hinges are to be broken.

(Just a side not here:  just in case -- and I am just trying to cover my bases- that this does not go well… umm….. does anyone know a handy person?)

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Masters Manual: the care and feeding of the nerd slave

There are certain things that a Master needs to be aware of when taking on and caring for the nerd slave. These aren’t bad things, but they are things that are specific to owning a nerd slave that may throw a Master off of their game. So be prepared!

Come into the relationship with the knowledge that:

1)       If you want to join into an already existing conversation that your nerd slave is animatedly having with someone else be prepared to talk about Farscape, Firefly, or cheese.

2)       Be prepared for your relationship to  be broken down in to  explanations like:  my Master puts their shields up, or my Master has their phaser  set on SEXY,  or my Master asked for pie,  and I gave her pi.

3)      Be prepared for Sci-Fi and BBC television programming that makes absolutely no sense, but will send the nerd slave into fits of giggles as they quote it over and over like  “there can be only one!!!” , “ride me sideways”   or  “bugger me” . Or when they look at you with intensity and say “you will be assimilated.”  (Which isn’t bad except for when they do it right after sex.)

4)      Be prepared for them to giggle when you say you know the dungeons DM.  IT is NOT the same thing to them.

5)       Know that a certain hand shake, a reference to something involving 42, and a pirated disc of Matrix clips with dubbed in fart sounds are all in your future.

6)      Know that in your relationship there will be arguments about who was the best Star Trek Captain, what should have been done with the Borg, who is a better singer Shatner or Nimoy, and which one of the X men movies sucked the most ass.

7)      Br prepared for ongoing rants about how bad Cat woman was when played by Hallie Berry, how Rouge should never have been Anna Paquin, and how it is a scientific face that old Xavier was a hell of a lot sexier then young Xavier.

8)      Be afraid,   be very afraid of any references involving Buckaroo Banzai.  Do NOT ask for a plot and Do Not try to control it, just back away slowly.  

9)      Be prepared to choose a car insurance company based on hit points , chaotic subtype, and experience points.

And last but certainly not least:

10)   Be prepared for your heart to jump every time your nerd slave brings home a new DVD and excitedly says  “This is a classic!!” Every time that they enter  a  room and laugh at jokes that make absolutely no sense but still  connects  with those around you  on a visceral level  because of B movies and alien sex references.

It is a pleasure and a joy to own a nerd slave.  Sometimes a challenge, sometimes I just smile and nod like I understand anything that she is saying, but mostly it just turns me on.   

Nerd slaves RULE!!!

Friday, June 1, 2012

The Road Less Traveled.....

The other day I was out cussing up a storm while repairing the fence line after having to go get Pokey (the white horse) from yet another trip outside the pasture. He likes to escape, thinks it is great fun….  I called him an asshole...  a lot. But for some strange reason as I was working on the fence I got to thinking about this friend I had in Florida. 

Even though she knew nothing about horses, it was always her dream to own one. So as soon as she got her RN degree she went right out and bought her first horse. The horse had “some problems” but the seller, who was also the owner of the barn and the head trainer, told my friend that she “just knew” that those two were a perfect match and that my friend was just what that horse needed (remember the NO experience part here). 

 My friend paid this person for the horse, as well as monthly board ( covers food, water and a stall) , a trainer’s fee  (a monthly fee to work with the horse a few times a week) and then paid for lessons(were the trainer would work with both her and the horse privately) when she could afford them.  After the horse threw my friend for the umpteenth time and gave her permanent inner ear damage (even though she was wearing a helmet) that caused ringing in her ears so loud and so unpredictable that she was forced out of her job in the ICU, the trainer “graciously” offered to buy the horse back for a third of what she had charged. The whole process took less than six months.

I then got to thinking about my beginning in the horse world, and how extremely lucky I was - no more than that- more than words really - to be around people that saw how I knew nothing, recognized the danger I was to myself, to the horse, and what that wrong horse could potentially do to me, and from there made the appropriate moves to make sure that I was safe and was able to learn. They answered my questions, kept me paired up with horses that were not over my head, and overall except a few injuries here and here, I was immersed in an environment that was fun, loving and full of success that I still draw on today.

But that was just it, I was surrounded by people that were so vested in my growth learning and safety, so lacking of ego, and self importance, that they could watch me, and teach me without ulterior motive. 
They weren’t trying to make me be who they wanted me to be they were just accepting who I was and went from there.  

That life experience guided me strongly when I first entered onto my leather journey with my slave.  I quickly could identify the difference between a person that wanted to teach me because they were interested in my learning and growth versus the person that wanted to teach me because they wanted me to be a certain way, for them.

Those that had their own motives would do things like question my ability to lead my own house, question my decisions actively, or passively. Make “joking” comments about my lack of experience. Make unwanted and unwarranted passes at me, or go directly after my slave. They would hit her when I wasn’t around to see what her response was, and then tell her that because they were in the scene longer then I was that they had rights over her and that there was nothing that I could do. Then wait to see how I would counter that.

Ultimately these people did not last in our lives long, and we walked away annoyed but unharmed.

But just like my friend in Florida whose entry into the horse world left her so battered that not only did she lose her hearing and her job, she lost her hope and her hearts dream. I wonder about the people that come into BDSM and leather and end up being at the mercy of someone else’s desires.

The person that comes in and really wants to be a strong dominant but because those who surround them either  do not want them to do this, or simply cannot  see them that way, the new person  is talked out of having those experiences. The new person that is really smart but because the people around them are more experienced and have no interest in being challenged, they dumb themselves down. The new person that is laughed at, ignored, or humiliated   for their questions, until they simply stop asking them. The new person that really wants to submit, but are pushed into being dominant. The person that really wants and needs aftercare, but are told that real dominants don’t do that, and real submissive’s don’t need it. The person whose personal desires are overlooked, downplayed, laughed at, or harassed out of them, until they either leave the scene because it could not fulfill them and it was not what they thought or hoped it was, or they leave that group and keep searching for answers until they get them, and hopefully in a few years time when confronted with another person asking those same questions that they once had, they answer them instead of laugh at them.

There are so many ways to break someone down and just one road to build them up.

We all have that choice, and there will come a time when it will be right there in your face.

Which road are you on?