I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us


I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!


If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com



If you are interested in active online community please find:

Fetlife.com


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More






Saturday, August 29, 2015

Stop and thank the Gay.



If you are gay stop what you doing right now. Put down the coffee, baby, cock, or pussy and watch this movie. The Imitation Game. It is about the true life story of the man who invented computers. His name was Alan Turning, and he was gay. Not just gay he was proud gay and not willing to hide it gay. 


 Let me say that again A GAY MAN invented computers. The only reason I can write this or you can read it is because of Alan Turing. A GAY MAN that committed suicide after being caught with a male "companion” and was put on a drug therapy to “cure his gay predilections”. 


Why is it that I am 42 years old and just hearing about this now???? Why is it that I all that time that I was in school NEVER ONCE was I told and NEVER ONCE was it even indicated that the person that invented computers AND built by hand the first working computer was a GAY MAN?
I am so angry about this. And it I got to thinking. How does one go about destroying a culture? Well human have been doing that since the beginning of time. You start by taking away their history, religion, sexuality and their language. 


So today I am reclaiming MY GAY history. When I was taught about the following people- even up through my Bachelors they were implied to be straight, their love lives were mentioned because oftentimes it was said that they were never married. This white/het rewriting of history is rampant. But the reality is that these people were gay, and there is evidence that still exists proving that fact:
So here you go!!!  Hold on to your hats!!!!  



Martin Luther King had a right hand man that was openly gay. It was this man that organized the March on Washington. BAYARD RUSTIN.


American social reformer and feminist who played a pivotal role in the women's suffrage movement. Born into a Quaker family committed to social equality, she collected anti-slavery petitions at the age of 17 years old. SUSAN B ANTHONY


The first nurse. FLORENCE NIGHTENGALE 


Started the Red Cross in America: CLARA BARTON


The artist Michelangelo   and his long term lover Tommaso dei Cavalieri


The artist Leonardo Di Vinci who was convicted of   sodomy - TWICE.


Author of: Great Plains, including O Pioneers!, The Song of the Lark, and My √Āntonia. WILLA CATHER


The actor JAMES DEAN  and his lover Rogers Bracket


So I had it easy my Mom was bi leaning gay, my dad was gay. So my coming out was a yawn fest. What get to  me is the idea that out in  butt fuck  nowhere there is a young questioning gay.   


Someone who feels that they are different but can’t quite put their finger on it.  Someone who gets teased and really doesn’t understand why. Someone who is deeply confused by their angry parents. A young gay who REALLY needs to know that they are not alone.

 A young gay that when they receive that text from their parents saying “Don’t come home faggot” can smile because the only way that their homophobic parents got to text that message was because of a GAY MAN.


So next time you text, play on your Iphone, or Ipad remember to stop and thank the Gay.


Because without the gay all of that technology would be a fart in the wind.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Drop their brains and follow their crotches.



had the wonderful opportunity to teach at Self Serve this month. It was a blast. Every class is different. This one was “Finding your Inner Dominant”.  People tend to come to the class for all sorts of different reasons, this time it was a class of intellectuals. They were all really intense in their own way.  It is always a challenge to get the energy of the room right where I want it. I consider a successful class one where people are leaving horny and smiling so big that they are blushing. I love it when I can get a class to do that. 


This was not one of those times. 


I felt that in some way I struggled to get my real points across and that I failed to really drive home the essence of Dominance. Intellectual groups can be like that. I am asking them to drop their brains and follow their crotches. So sometimes with people who live in their brains that is difficult territory. I tried to get them there, but at the end of the class I knew that I had missed the boat. 


Some of the things that I really stress in the “finding your inner dominant” class are finding that space inside of you that is strong, forceful, and commanding. Then growing from there. Sometimes people find it right away. If there are couples in the class then it usually found more easily because they have slipped into those roles unknowingly in their everyday lives. I ask people to find their stance of power. I ask them to think about a character or person that makes them as an individual go:  “WOW. That person just exudes power” and to draw off of that. Then I talk about how to follow through on dominance.


 Find the beginning, the middle, and the end of what you are asking for. Use body language and mental pictures to create a more dominant “feel”. Then I run them through their paces. I pair them up and one takes the dominant role as the other takes the submissive role. I then ask the “Dominant” to ask the “submissive” to do something, and finally I asked them about how what they did FELT.
I ask them- did what you experience go to your crotch? If not what would you do differently? There are people, and I can usually peg them right away, that won’t feel anything throughout the power exchange exercises. It doesn’t matter if they are either topping or bottoming. Not feeling anything isn’t bad, it just an “is”, and sometimes emotions come up later when they feel safer; sometimes emotions don’t come at all.


So what made this class challenging was that there were no already established couples together in the room to help set the mood and raise the sexual energy. 


I encourage couples to come to the “inner dominant” class, but I don’t exclude singles.  I haven’t been single in a long time but I know that it can be difficult out there as a single person. I don’t want to exclude them from a class if they are looking to experience new things just because of their relationship status. But honestly couples are easier. 


So why did I feel like I failure? I feel that way because of some of the questions that I got after the class.  There still wasn’t an understanding that dominance is in the realm of the person. That gender and /or gender expression have nothing to do with how dominant a person is.  And that “your type of dominant” is just that “your type” it can be stern and unyielding, it can be gentle, and it can be fun and warm. 


Because the class is “FINDING your inner dominant" I go to things that are common in dominants across the board. Now after that how someone chooses to develop it for themselves is their call.  But getting people to access their dominance is what the class is. I really emphasize that you take it from there. However, that seemed to be lost in transition as people struggled with the idea that dominants take all forms. The big thing that seemed that the class was stuck  on  was “I am such  a nice person, do  I have to  be stern to be dominant” I tried to  explain  that “no you don’t.” They came back to me with “then why is that what we concentrated on here?”


So OK those are good questions. But they let me know that I had dropped the ball somewhere. 

So here it is. 


Dominants do not have to be stern and unyielding. BUT there are some things to keep in mind.


1)      Dominants that are giving in their role may be using the “Nice Dominant” title to remain deferential to their partner.  



2)      Nice Dominants can sometimes come across as unclear and indecisive. It becomes a question of “what is an order” and “what is a suggestion?” So “dinner?” Or “dinner.” 



3)      Dominants that are new and are just learning about who they are and what they want can sometimes have trouble with pushing themselves to identify and ask for what they want. They allow the title of “Nice dominant” to somehow slide them through when really they are service Tops.



4)       Making solid decisive decisions is something that comes through time and repetition. Putting aside what you want to be a “Nice Dominant” when in reality you are just uncomfortable making decisions isn’t fair to you or to your partners. If you identify as a dominant, then that means taking responsibility for what you want, as much as enforcing it. 




So the answer is “No” as a dominant you don’t have to be stern, and removed. But if you are seeking to  identify as a dominant and you are to  uncomfortable  to  ask  for what you really want- how do  you expect your partner to  react to  that? And really, to a point, that leaves you at a standstill.
It is a complex question that really needed more time then what we had.  


Some people struggle with  taking the lead,  it makes them  feel  insecure especially in the beginning So  my concentration on stance, attitude and mental  picturing  is designed to  give them  a taste of what they are looking to feel.


Overall people seemed happy, excited and I had a few side conversations that I don’t really think that I helped much on. So I am awaiting my reviews and looking at the class with a critical eye.  


Did I do the best that I could? 


Was I open, honest, fair, and supportive?


Did I identify when what they needed was beyond my ability, and act accordingly?


I think so. So I am trying to keep a balanced eye in what I teach class and learn from what I have done.  


I can always be better.

Friday, August 14, 2015

slave positions



As a rule I don’t belong to many list serves. I get bored and they clog up my inbox.  But about a month or so ago I put myself on the list serve sent out by lunakm who runs “the submissive guide”. It is free to join and she does a lot of really interesting topics. (She also runs the “Dominant Guide” which I also subscribed too and it is just as good.)  What I really appreciate about her is her openness. The articles are through, based in safety, balanced, and insightful.


I highly encourage everyone to take a look  at her stuff, you can  find it here:   

http://www.submissiveguide.com/


 I recently ordered a PDF file on slave positions that was for sale through her site.

The PDF was really interesting. She said up front that it was not Gorean, and on the back page she had some good references for more information, including some you tube videos suggestions. So I popped onto you tube to look at videos of slave positions. 

What I found is that where slave positions get difficult is the emphasis on kneeing, and the overall Pilates/Yoga/ Cirque du Soleil routine that the majority of slave positions seem to be based in. The ones that I found that are the most through and easy to follow for a beginner such as myself were impressive. I do mean DAMN IMPRESSIVE. I give these women all the props in the world!  But they are unrealistic for a good 90 percent (that is my assumption) of people that are interested in adding slave positions to their daily life of submission.



So take a look at what I found.
I mean that is gorgeous, fluid and beautiful to watch. It is also fairly unattainable for those that of us that are of size, older, have an injury or disability.










This next one is also really beautiful. Again fluid, easy on the eyes, but not exactly obtainable.









I liked this one.

But it didn’t go into what each position means to the people in their Power Exchange. 

I am not Gorean, but I do enjoy hearing about their ritualistic aspects of their service, and I don’t see a lot of slave positions that are not somehow based in Gor. 















So that being said, my slave and I are trying things that are reasonable for us, our bodies, and our hearts.


At the last play party we attended I instructed my slave into a slave position which I modified for her and me. It was really hot. I had a really great time, and my slave found that she truly enjoyed it as well. It actually hit my crotch a lot harder then I had thought it would. And I am looking forward to expanding on what we are starting. 



Because so far my Crotch is all for it…….

Friday, August 7, 2015

OMG is this puberty?????



So this last Wednesday I had surgery. It went on a little longer then intended, but ended beautifully. I have one more Dr’s appointment left to go to. It is for a follow up on this coming Monday. I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Before I begin I would like to say that I am blown away and overwhelmed by all of the continuous support that we have received from this community. This includes everything from the online fundraiser,  the AEL fundraiser ,  individual donations and so  much  more. 

The day of surgery Lady and her pet came over and  fed the horses. D and V sat with eve throughout the entire surgery so that she was not alone. The day after surgery IBS and A brought over food for us. There was so much food that I couldn’t help but exclaim “HOLY COW!!  Costco exploded in our kitchen!” 


The amount of texting, phone calls, and online support has been endless and still coming. Thank you to everyone who has spoken to us, and sent words and well wishes. I am getting lists together because we want to send out individual thank you letters to all who worked their asses off for us. Thank you so much. What each and every one of you has done mattered a great deal, and will always be in my heart. 
 

 Everything in my life has changed. The job that I was working at the time of all of this illness become so instrumental in me getting my confidence back in my nursing. I went to work every day that I physically could (except when the Dr kept me home for pain and fatigue.) 
 I went in early and worked through lunch. I proved to myself that I could be a good, dedicated and through nurse. The kind of nurse I have always striven to be but that I lost after sometime when I was working in the hospital.



My life is filled with love, family as well as awesome, powerful, meaningful play AND awesome, experimental and fulfilling sex!!  
The kind that leaves you spent and giddy. 


AND GET THIS!!  I actually read three books in the last 2 weeks. THREE WHOLE BOOKS! That not only did I read but I became inspired to try new things because of. (Not true when it comes to the book about the woman who had a psychotic break though- I will skip that experience.)


 I went out to see the horses in pasture. I couldn’t do much, but DAMN! I could feel them and hear them.


Considering everything in life is going so amazingly, why do I feel like I am having some sort of a  mid life crisis? Like I am all of the sudden  confused? 


Well-  when I started nursing I was 18 years old as a CNA. I worked all over the United States. Ten years after that I became an LPN, and 4 years after that I got my RN. Now I have a BSN, and am looking into programs where I can get my MSN. 

Ten years ago when I started working in the hospital it was like some fore gone conclusion that no matter what happened I would work there the rest of my days until I was dead. And then they would simply cover me with a sheet and wheel my charge nurse corpse stuck in my roller chair from the nurses’ station down to the morgue. 



In many ways I had convinced myself that this is what I had to do. 

And now  that I have left the hospital I feel like the world is my oyster. My big confusing oyster. 



Right now I feel I am in this sea of choices. It is almost like I am “now” what I was “supposed to be” at 19. What college do I go to? What job do I pick? What book do I sink myself into next? How can I get that round pen up and running so that I can soundly communicate again with my horses? How do  I make sure that I am  making solid  decisions so  that I can  support my slave as well as actively and  comfortably retire in  24 years?  



 So as much  I am  confused  there are things that I DO  know: :

I love reading books; I haven’t done it in years. I haven’t had the mental fortitude. And I am finally in a place where I love reading, learning and getting other peoples perspectives. I have missed that so much!   I really love talking to my slave about what I am learning and getting her opinion and insight. My slave is brilliant and I love how her mind works.


I LOVE my horses, and as soon as I am cleared by the Dr  my wheelbarrow (whose name is Shlomo)  and I  are making that pasture my BITCH! (It is really in need of a cleaning!) Next on the list is getting the horses feet done and their yearly vet visit.  Both of which are very overdue. But I feel that with the new job that I start this week I will be able to concentrate on home when I am home. 


I am not able to take in a lot of information about college right now. But I am putting out inquires and getting vetting responses. So that makes me happy. They want me, I never saw that coming.   I take in a little information at a time. I know that after my last Dr appoint on   Monday passes I will have more mental wherewithal to read and make a good decision. The goal is to start in January of 2016.



When it came to my illness my slave and I had a long conversation about our fears. It was my first ride in an ambulance in my adult life, first ER trip in my adult life that led to a hospital stay and my first surgery ever. Then leaving the hospital and having so much daily pain and fatigue that when I showered I would pant, break out into a sweat, and have to sit down right afterwards. The consistency of having to return to the ER or the hospital for more tests was a necessary yet draining evil. 


My slave struggled with fearing that my illness was somehow her fault, as well as feeling enormously helpless through the process. I struggled because at the moment – had I died on the table- I would have left my slave penniless.  Being in between leaving a job and starting a new one meant I had no life insurance. Making sure that she is cared for in the event that something happens to me has always been a huge Masters priority that I take deeply seriously, but my hands were tied. I had to just take a deep breath, close my eyes and give it up to the Spirits. 


The job that I start on  Monday sounds like where I need to  be in  my life right now. However I am  still going to a few more interviews with  other companies. I want to  be able to  take care of my slave in a  safe and responsible way, and that means keeping my options open. But it also  means that I need to  be responsible to  myself. Which  is hard because I am  not 100% sure of what I really need. 

 
The community support has re charged me. I want to so deeply give back to  all  of you and I can’t wait for that!


My book is out in the world; it is being reviewed by all manner of people, and will be available at Self Serve this weekend. I have received amazing feedback. So I am chomping at the bit to get my next book into the world!  

 So  maybe midlife crisis isn't exactly the term I should use. 

Maybe that isn't what this is at all. 

OMG- what if this is puberty?