I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, August 7, 2015

OMG is this puberty?????

So this last Wednesday I had surgery. It went on a little longer then intended, but ended beautifully. I have one more Dr’s appointment left to go to. It is for a follow up on this coming Monday. I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Before I begin I would like to say that I am blown away and overwhelmed by all of the continuous support that we have received from this community. This includes everything from the online fundraiser,  the AEL fundraiser ,  individual donations and so  much  more. 

The day of surgery Lady and her pet came over and  fed the horses. D and V sat with eve throughout the entire surgery so that she was not alone. The day after surgery IBS and A brought over food for us. There was so much food that I couldn’t help but exclaim “HOLY COW!!  Costco exploded in our kitchen!” 

The amount of texting, phone calls, and online support has been endless and still coming. Thank you to everyone who has spoken to us, and sent words and well wishes. I am getting lists together because we want to send out individual thank you letters to all who worked their asses off for us. Thank you so much. What each and every one of you has done mattered a great deal, and will always be in my heart. 

 Everything in my life has changed. The job that I was working at the time of all of this illness become so instrumental in me getting my confidence back in my nursing. I went to work every day that I physically could (except when the Dr kept me home for pain and fatigue.) 
 I went in early and worked through lunch. I proved to myself that I could be a good, dedicated and through nurse. The kind of nurse I have always striven to be but that I lost after sometime when I was working in the hospital.

My life is filled with love, family as well as awesome, powerful, meaningful play AND awesome, experimental and fulfilling sex!!  
The kind that leaves you spent and giddy. 

AND GET THIS!!  I actually read three books in the last 2 weeks. THREE WHOLE BOOKS! That not only did I read but I became inspired to try new things because of. (Not true when it comes to the book about the woman who had a psychotic break though- I will skip that experience.)

 I went out to see the horses in pasture. I couldn’t do much, but DAMN! I could feel them and hear them.

Considering everything in life is going so amazingly, why do I feel like I am having some sort of a  mid life crisis? Like I am all of the sudden  confused? 

Well-  when I started nursing I was 18 years old as a CNA. I worked all over the United States. Ten years after that I became an LPN, and 4 years after that I got my RN. Now I have a BSN, and am looking into programs where I can get my MSN. 

Ten years ago when I started working in the hospital it was like some fore gone conclusion that no matter what happened I would work there the rest of my days until I was dead. And then they would simply cover me with a sheet and wheel my charge nurse corpse stuck in my roller chair from the nurses’ station down to the morgue. 

In many ways I had convinced myself that this is what I had to do. 

And now  that I have left the hospital I feel like the world is my oyster. My big confusing oyster. 

Right now I feel I am in this sea of choices. It is almost like I am “now” what I was “supposed to be” at 19. What college do I go to? What job do I pick? What book do I sink myself into next? How can I get that round pen up and running so that I can soundly communicate again with my horses? How do  I make sure that I am  making solid  decisions so  that I can  support my slave as well as actively and  comfortably retire in  24 years?  

 So as much  I am  confused  there are things that I DO  know: :

I love reading books; I haven’t done it in years. I haven’t had the mental fortitude. And I am finally in a place where I love reading, learning and getting other peoples perspectives. I have missed that so much!   I really love talking to my slave about what I am learning and getting her opinion and insight. My slave is brilliant and I love how her mind works.

I LOVE my horses, and as soon as I am cleared by the Dr  my wheelbarrow (whose name is Shlomo)  and I  are making that pasture my BITCH! (It is really in need of a cleaning!) Next on the list is getting the horses feet done and their yearly vet visit.  Both of which are very overdue. But I feel that with the new job that I start this week I will be able to concentrate on home when I am home. 

I am not able to take in a lot of information about college right now. But I am putting out inquires and getting vetting responses. So that makes me happy. They want me, I never saw that coming.   I take in a little information at a time. I know that after my last Dr appoint on   Monday passes I will have more mental wherewithal to read and make a good decision. The goal is to start in January of 2016.

When it came to my illness my slave and I had a long conversation about our fears. It was my first ride in an ambulance in my adult life, first ER trip in my adult life that led to a hospital stay and my first surgery ever. Then leaving the hospital and having so much daily pain and fatigue that when I showered I would pant, break out into a sweat, and have to sit down right afterwards. The consistency of having to return to the ER or the hospital for more tests was a necessary yet draining evil. 

My slave struggled with fearing that my illness was somehow her fault, as well as feeling enormously helpless through the process. I struggled because at the moment – had I died on the table- I would have left my slave penniless.  Being in between leaving a job and starting a new one meant I had no life insurance. Making sure that she is cared for in the event that something happens to me has always been a huge Masters priority that I take deeply seriously, but my hands were tied. I had to just take a deep breath, close my eyes and give it up to the Spirits. 

The job that I start on  Monday sounds like where I need to  be in  my life right now. However I am  still going to a few more interviews with  other companies. I want to  be able to  take care of my slave in a  safe and responsible way, and that means keeping my options open. But it also  means that I need to  be responsible to  myself. Which  is hard because I am  not 100% sure of what I really need. 

The community support has re charged me. I want to so deeply give back to  all  of you and I can’t wait for that!

My book is out in the world; it is being reviewed by all manner of people, and will be available at Self Serve this weekend. I have received amazing feedback. So I am chomping at the bit to get my next book into the world!  

 So  maybe midlife crisis isn't exactly the term I should use. 

Maybe that isn't what this is at all. 

OMG- what if this is puberty?

No comments:

Post a Comment