How much privacy does a slave have? (REPOST)

A few months back I was looking for blog ideas and I received some great suggestions!  One of them was the question “How much privacy does a slave have?”  Thank you to MyNameIsMine!!!!!

The easy answer is none.

 The more complex answer is as much as the Master decides they have- which in essence is none because ultimately the Master can take away that privacy at any moment. 

It is important to keep in mind that there are different types of privacy, I tend to lump them into three different categories: privacy of things, privacy of the body and privacy of the mind. 

As far as privacy of things I have no interest in riffling through my slaves stuff, monitoring her correspondence, or listening in on her phone calls. she does have her own room, were she keeps her belly dance attire and her herbs and sundries.  That room is hers, she can care for it as she sees fit, and I lay no claim to it.  I have no interest in that, and in fact, feel a certain amount of pride that I can provide that space for her. I know her email passwords, and have access to all correspondence, but don’t use it unless I am looking for something- a phone number, directions, or the like.  And I will tell her that I am accessing her account and which one.  

Why?  Because my slave likes to buy me presents when we have a little extra coin- and sometimes she will need to access things herself to keep me from finding my next present. I have no issue getting presents, so this does not bother me. On the flip side, she also has access to all of my email as well. It isn’t uncommon that I will need her to contact someone for me -as me. 

As far as bodily privacy, my preference is that she is nude, especially during chores, so she spends most of her time that way.  I REALLY love that…. I also track her medications because I order then before they run out, so I know what she takes, how much and how often.

That leaves privacy of the mind, which in my opinion is the only kind that matters. The rest of privacy is relatively easy- it is space, stuff, geography, tangible, and visible. But not so with emotional privacy- that is a huge risk. That is where the heart of the slave lies.

 Emotional and intellectual privacy can be very invasive when taken away because it is such a risk to let someone know what you are really feeling and thinking.  It risks everything. It means that when I ask her what she is thinking and feeling, that she tells me, even when she doesn’t want to, or is afraid to say those things. Afraid of my reaction, afraid of what I will think of her, afraid of what she will think of herself once the words are out of her mouth.

The issue of privacy is a very personal one for every Master and for every slave. It has to do with where that Master feels their connection to power; do they feel empowered by having control over the slaves stuff? Over the slaves body, or being a part of the slaves mind?  For some Masters, stuff is enough- they get off on controlling everything from what the slave reads, has access to, and can use in the home. I once heard a Master talk about how their power came from limiting and approving each correspondence that the slave had- from their phone calls, to email- to letters. For others their power comes from the slave’s body, this can  include everything from what the slave eats, wears and how they move.

But for me those things are the window dressing. For me, what is the point of telling my slave what to wear, when what I really need to know is that she is struggling with how she views herself as a slave, as a leader and as a wife. 

Window dressing…….  better on windows.

Horses, birthday, pain, love......

It has been quite a week. Rainey isn't any better and she  isn't any worse, and despite my 22 years of medical experience I am just too close to this to assess it. Vet comes out on Monday. At this point we are all  so emotionally and physically exhausted and drained, and that includes Rainey. 

She reached her limit and kicked me this week. Honestly she just used her leg to push me away from her, her ass is sore from the shots and the muscles working overtime to  metabolize the medication, and her leg hurts, so she clenched her ass muscle and  the needle bent on impact-  I ended up having to poke her three times. On the third time she finally lost her patience because it hurt like hell-  I would have to.

 I am bruised, but I was explaining to my very afraid slave, that considering the damage she could have done, this was nothing. Had she wanted to she could have easily  sent me flying, and kept kicking. But she didn't and right after she kicked me, I went right back to her ass and injected her and she did fine. 

We are all tired here. And my slave has been exceptional and giving, and kind and calm. Literally as we have been outside giving Rainey her shots and tending to her leg, my slave would  give a cookie to the horses, and then an apple slice to me. She worked so hard at keeping everyone calm and focused- no wonder she is exhausted from the inside out.
 

On the flip side, I can say that for my birthday week I have been loved and cared for, and had a day of respite that finally made me smile, and lift my heart.
I feel much loved, very cared for, and very very special.
I feel that even though all of this is going on, that ultimately I feel safe.  And that can be a rare thing in my world.



So here is my thought today-  if you are struggling with something, or something is hurting your heart, or twisting your mind, take those people that you love and puppy pile on the couch and tell each other how much you love each other. How much  each other means, and how much they are special to you.  It will rejuvenate your heart, and give you strength, and remind you that love can see you through anything.


I love my Rainey, and so does my slave,  and no matter the outcome on Monday. We will see this through as a family, together.


 

Emotional roller coasters

Emotions  are transitory. Emotions change, grow, and  dim. What a person  feels one day doesn't mean that they will feel it the next.
Sometimes in relationships when the emotion  of love changes, doesn't come as easy or is challenged by time limitations or emotional fatigue, it is easy to fall into the thought that the feelings  are gone and will be gone forever and then panic.

This can  create a roller coaster affect in the relationship. Where the people in the relationship  chase the high of being in love, chase that feeling of euphoria that comes with  the intensity of love and lust. Then crash  emotionally when the love is felt to be  not as strong, or is felt to not be returned, or is threatened in  some way real or imagined.  
Usually this is where a fight happens. The fight is based in  something that really doesn't matter,  but the intention of the fight is to turn the other persons attention back to the relationship and their partner.
So the relationship  goes from the high and euphoria of love  to the angst of a fight to the high again.


Healthier relationships learn to find a middle road.  They understand that there are closer times and  further times and  times when instead of causing a conflict to create closeness, they  simply ask for closeness  and act to  create it.

So this has what to do  with BDSM exactly?

Because these are people patterns, they exist in  all types of relationships, and when you take those patterns and put them into relationships that are based in power exchange you get different outcomes.

Because we view our identities as such  a deep part of who we are, the roller coaster pattern can have a very different significance to  a Master and slave couple then to a  vanilla one.

So  in a vanilla relationship  maybe the partners  fight it out, get up and leave for the night, or tell each other off. Maybe they show each other love and euphoria by getting extra oohy gooey, and maybe they do  more things for each other, or get little gifts for each other, or do something along those lines, until they fall back into fighting.

For M/s couples though the options are different. In some dynamics slaves are not allowed to voice feelings against the Master. So although they may have them , speaking them is forbidden. The slave may  not have the physical ability to leave for example they may not have access to  a car, money, or even  clothes to be able to leave the house.

The Master may react badly to  feelings of disconnect from the slave and intentionally or unintentionally make the slaves life harder to create that feeling that was there before.

During the loving times the Master may not feel that they as a Master can be overly loving because of their  identity so they may withhold their love and affection.



The other end of this is when the slave starts to feel disconnected and starts making the Masters life a living hell until they feel that they (the slave) matters  to the Master.  Then things calm down and the slave becomes very attentive and loving,  until the need for the connection  happens again, and the living hell ensues.

 When it does happen in this direction the Master many times will feel that they  cannot discuss what is going on because of the fear that others will view them as not in  charge of their slave, or less of a Master, or not a Master at all.
It can  become very paralyzing.


Because of our identities we go through other thought processes then the vanilla folk. Things like if I were more of a slave or submissive then I could have fulfilled my Master in a way then they never would have left-- maybe I am not a slave or a submissive at all. So if I become  a dominant maybe that way I can't be hurt again, I don't ever have to be that vulnerable again.

We aren't talking about the ending of a relationship here-  we are talking about the ending of an  identity. This goes both ways, Masters that leave their path of Mastery because they don't feel that they are able to lead. If they were a stronger  Master the slave would have been more obedient, more loving, more responsive, more something....  So it must be the Master.

Kind of like when  a lesbian relationship goes wrong and someone freaks and thinks that if they were in a straight relationship that their lives and relationsips would somehow be easier.

So finding the middle road, knowing and having peace with the thought that what a person  feels will change and grow and dissipate depending on a lot of things. 
Sometimes just reminding the self that feeling of love and lust and euphoria is going to  change and  morph into something else. It doesn't mean that it has to go away entirely, but it does change. 

Sometimes it changes off of the roller coaster and onto  a long and beautiful road where the love is the constant and the fights are rare and resolvable.

And sometimes,  well sometimes it is time to buy  a ticket to another ride.  Not necessarily change how you identify, unless you are changing,  but change the ride.
 
 

  






 










 


 









  


 


 

Submissive and slave men speak

I have had the great honor of interviewing two men  regarding their slave and submissive lifestyles. I have always thought that it is a great risk for men to access and understand their submissive and slave nature in our society where machismo and brutality is so prized. Thank you so much to Lady Golden and Saint for allowing me to ask their wonderful partners questions!

Here are the bios of the wonderful men that were so  very patient in answering my questions!  
 



slave lou has had the honor of living in 24/7 service to Lady Golden for around 5 years now. Few who know me would consider me to be all that submissive. I get a great deal of pleasure and pride in providing exceptional service to my Lady.
 



My name is Chance Lee McCravey. I entered the scene in summer 2010, where I met the love of my life. I identify as a boy/fox. I like to be referred to as Chance. I am only referred to as Fox by Saint St. James, my Althair (Daddy). I enjoy providing my time and resources to the community. On my off time; I enjoy reading novels, knitting, and crocheting.

  1) What misconceptions do you feel that people have about submissive men?

sl:

A – That submissive men are weak. It takes a great deal of will and personal strength to submit to another.
B – That they have no minds and need someone else to think for them. Many if not most submissive men are quite capable and successful.
C – That submissive men have issues making decisions. Yea right. In order to provide exceptional service many decisions are made on a daily basis.


 C:   
Some of the misconceptions of submissive men that I have come across is that the submissives are just mindless drones and they no longer have any opinions for themselves. Another is that many people are not sure the difference between a boy and a slave, for me a boy is someone who retains an ability to question and ask clarifications of his Althair, slaves I have seen have much less autonomy in this regard.






2) What brought you to understanding that you are a submissive and you wanted that in your relationships?

sl: 
It's all about service. Service to self and service to others. It has been my experience that living alone can lead to a certain comfort and even contentment, but the path for my personal happiness is very closely tied to how well I provide service. The idea of an unequal partnership got me many odd looks, but if I take care of you and you take care of me, everyone wins.

C: 
I  came to the understanding that I am submissive because I enjoy doing certain duties for others. In my relationships, it seems to just happen automatically.




  

3) What do you expect from a dominant partner?

sl: 
They need to have their act together. They have to be sane. It helps if they have similar interests to myself. If they happen to be a 5'4” redhead with pert breasts that’s a major plus. They need to be able to make me feel safe and secure.



C:


What I expect from a dominant partner is someone who provides for me, defends me in dire situations, listens to my opinions, and cares about me. I am also very picky about what I consider a dominant, I look for people who have experienced being a submissive themselves and who are not afraid to be themselves.

           

  

4)  Do you find that there is a lot of competition between male submissives if so how does that manifest?

sl: 

I I suspect men would compete for just about anything. It's kinda what we do. Dominant females are probably the rarest breed in our community. Submissive males may be one of the largest nationwide. It has been my observation that the most successful slaves are the ones who took the time and energy to learn skills that are useful to the dominant female they are serving or wish to serve. Butler school.... who knew. If you want to get played with you have to find some way of differentiate yourself from the crowd.


C:

I see a lot of male submissive s competing for the dominants affection and approval. For example, being the first to bring the dominant his/her food during a meal. On the other hand I see many submissive s who are interested in working together for the betterment of their family and their community.





Thank  you again to Lady golden, slave lou, Saint, and Chance!