I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, April 13, 2012

Great Expectations: When a Masters communication goes wrong

When people talk about Master and slave relationships that don’t succeed, they often view the slave as the one that is to blame for the failure of the relationship, but it doesn’t always work that way. There are very real factors that make many Master identified people very difficult, if not impossible to serve successfully.

Although I honestly believe that there is a slave for every type of Master, ( there is a crazy for every crazy) there are some personality traits in Masters’ that make it more difficult for slaves’ to accomplish successful service.

Masters that don’t really know how they want to be served.

Sometimes people that identify as Masters have a general idea of what they think service should be, or rather a fantasy idea of how they think service should feel, but no clear idea about the actions that it would take to get there.

Masters that lack basic definition because they have not thought through what they want can be very difficult to serve because they are unable to give any type of concise direction. They also have no idea about the amount of time, effort, or energy that it takes to perform the service that they ask for.

These are Masters that enjoy the pretty appearances of service and have a very strong connection to being served on an emotional level. The problem is that they do not know how to put into words the specific types of service that really please them, only to then turn around and blame the slave because they feel that something is missing in the service.

For example the Master that sees the vision of a perfect dinner service in their minds eye. They have even gotten as far as imagining feeling that sense of pride that they will have when witnessing a room full of people being presented with beautiful service by their slave.

As a result, the slave pours all of their time, effort and, energy into not only preparing the food but planning the presentation and the ambiance of the evening. The slave is in and out of the kitchen, clothes on to block the grease splatter, and multiple cups per person to slow down anyone’s need for a refill.

But because the Master’s true emotional connection to beautiful dinner service was in the slave sitting in the corner of the dining room naked for the entire evening completely visible to their guests and holding a carafe refilling drinks, the Master walks away unfulfilled. Even though it was the Master that did not communicate their wants in the first place.

Masters that don’t know how to train their slaves.

There are some basic components found in all training whether it be in the training of people, animals, or plants. But when you look at the numbers, there are many more people that need to be trained then there are people who genuinely know how to train. Knowing how to safely and successfully train someone is in many ways its own specialty and for many, an art form.

The interesting thing is that when I talk to slaves that have left relationships where abuse was not the main component for them leaving, there is an underlying factor: the Master didn’t know how to train them from very beginning. These Masters expected the slaves to just know how to provide service and then when the slave didn’t understand the expectations and failed to provide them, they were blamed.

These are Masters that believe that slaves should already be able to know how to serve and that it is the slave’s responsibility to learn service all on their own. There is also the sometimes unspoken belief on the Master’s part that having to teach a slave what they want somehow takes away from the experience of being a Master.

The reality is it takes time and direction to learn how to personally serve someone well. Personal service is very specific, and can be overwhelming to the slave who is just learning how to serve (if they are new to service) as well as for the more experienced slave learning to serve a new Master.

I heard a story once of a Master who when they were initiating a new slave, the Master would bind and beat them until the slave gave them the sentence that they wanted. This Master would not tell the slave what they were expecting them to say and so the beating would continue until the slave figured it out.

For many Masters this trial by fire is what they consider training.

And for some slaves, that works for them.

Note here: this Master is usually single, and is always in between slaves….

But the reality is that the majority of people need a lot more then the whip to get them to be able to serve successfully. They need direction and the more specific the better. They also need time to be able to integrate these expectations into their lives. The more steps in any given part of service required, the more reinforcement and time they will need to perfect that part of service.

Relationships will succeed or fail for a number of reasons. But in Master and slave relationships, it is important to consider that the failing of the relationship does not always fall on the shoulders of the slave. We Masters, delicate creatures that we are, are not always as defined as we need to be to make service successful, or even possible.

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