I am going through some changes.
I am thinking hard about what I am doing, what I am becoming, what I want, and what I need.
I love my part in the community. It makes me feel like I matter. This of course being a double edged sword. To keep feeling like I matter, I have to keep being relevant in some fashion.
I love being the educational person for the wet munch, hosting for AEL and doing fundraisers for "our" community. Publishing my book on M/s was a huge milestone. Running the AMG was very fulfilling as I got to hear other peoples perspectives on M /s.
But I am feeling like- I am missing something.
I guess it is the times when we are most secure that we are able to feel the most unfulfilled.
The times without crisis that allow us to have introspection and insight.
The times when we are sure of who we are in our lives and our relationships that allow us the freedom of asking ourselves "who am I?" and "who do I want to be?"
So I think I am there now.
What is my next step?
And how can I stop running myself into the ground because the need to matter is an overriding visceral need---- that more then borders on the unhealthy side?
I am blessed though- to be in a place where I am safe and secure enough to ask myself these things, and to be able to know that they may not be answers.
And that needs to be OK to.