I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us

I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information!
The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:


If you are interested in active online community please find:


Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, February 15, 2013

Butch Femme history 1960's to now

We were so honored to present  at AEL in January and here is an excerpt from the speech!

In the 1960’s there was the historical Stonewall uprising and lesbian visibility was not becoming more of a three dimensional presences in the public eye.  With the lesbian rights movement and the first wave of feminism, butches and femmes were not becoming increasingly viewed with a sense of misunderstanding and hostility by other lesbians.  Androgyny was now seen as the only acceptable form of lesbian gender expression.  Sexual practices were also policed  within  the lesbian  community.  This time with the prohibition of any phallic shaped sex toy within an emphasis way from sex toys completely.  Butches and femmes who wanted to become a part of the important women’s and gay rights movement found themselves treated as unwanted.  Butch femme couples were called “aping heterosexual couples’ and patriarchal attitudes.  Because the gender expressions were so polarized the first and second wave of feminist movement didn’t know that to do with them.  The concept of aping was and still is used to degrade and devalue butch femme relationships.  It was a very effective way for the feminist movement to separate themselves from the butch femme members’ that had become so undesirable.

  In the 1970’s through the 1980’s the lesbian sex wars began in earnest and continued well into the 1990’s.  The lesbian sex wars were specifically within the lesbian community.  They were hostile and vocal and angry fights from within for the push for recognition of a wide diversity of sexualities, gander expressions, and ethnicities.  It was the fight for what defined lesbian and queer women’s sexuality.  IT was the fight for all women’s sex lives to be validated and recognized.  Women were fighting to be seen by other women as three dimensional sexual beings.  Fights over the topics such as the sue of sex toys, penetration of any kind, bdsm, the inclusion of transgendered women and a recognition of very type of gender expression opened up an explosive e dialogue ion the complexities of lesbian sexuality and gender variance.  As a result of these debates, and not so friendly discussions, butches and femmes finally began to find a platform to express their grievances’ and concerns in a public forum.  The lesbian sex wars also allowed the butch femme community to look at itself through a more three dimensional lens and start to realize that we could make our own decisions and more importantly, we could break our own rules whenever we felt like it.

    We’re not going to fast forward to the modern butch femme community where thankfully there have been a lot of changes.  One significant change is that queer women are no longer obligated  to be butch femme or even andro.  What this means is  that there is a greater freedom to make gender expression something that is unique to the individual.  It is also less likely that a person sexual expression is dictated by their gender expression.  Butches are under less pressure to be exclusive sexual tops with only femme partners’.  Femmes are less likely to be under pressure to be exclusive sexual bottoms with only butch tops for partners’ .  Now we're not saying that this has gone way completely. What we are saying is that the social consequences for being an open butch sexual bottom or femme sexual top are less severe than they used to be.  The reason for this welcome change in attitude is mainly due to the large influx of literature that has been written by and for queer women of all gender expressions’.  The internet has had a phenomenal impact on the growing butch femme community.  Because we are finally able to find each other and talk about our won realities.

  Another very positive change has been the growth of the bdsm and leather communities’.  What this community has done has given us as butches and femmes the ability to have understandable , viable, and supported three dimensional identities in a way that the e lesbian community at large still struggles with.  For example, in bdsm and leather, the  terms butch boi, femme switch, femme  sexual top, butch service top, and girl have allowed the butch femme community to truly expand.  So, although the lesbian sex wars are over and we have other communities that support us, unfortunately, the power of some of the biases from the past still remain.

  Two labels that are often negatively used when talking about lesbian sexual practices in relation to gender expression and flippable butch and pillow queen femme.  

  What it means to be a flippable butch is that the butch both gives and receives sexually.  Unfortunately still  in  our culture, it is thought that for a butch to e a real butch, they have to be stone.  In other words, they can only give and onto receive sexual pleasure.  So for butches to admit that they enjoy receiving sexual  pleasure, they are taking a change co being viewed as less fierce, less capable, and a less desirable partner.  Because a butch identity is so hard fought for , and hard won, it is something that we hold onto very closely.  So it can very difficult to have our identity come into question simply because of the joy that we have receiving sexual gratification.  Believe it or not, butches come in a variety of categories.  There is the bulldagger, the bulldyke, the hard butch, and the soft butch.  They all vary in intensity of their gender 3expression and sexual desires.  Gull daggers’, being the most masculine in appearance and behavior and soft butch being someone with butch undertones mixed with a more feminine/androgynous feel.  So to call a bull dagger a soft butch and vice versa is like smacking the cocaine out of Lindsey Lohans’ nose.  That’s just asking for a fight.

  On the femmes side, the pursuit of femmes like butches are still going through having their complex sexualities recognized and validated buy the queer women’s community at large.  While butches face an uphill battle when it comes to being viewed as always aggressive, femmes on the contrary have an uphill battle when it comes to being viewed as always passive.


  The term pillow queen which is used interchangeably with the label femme, means that they do nothing more in bed than lay back look pretty, and let their partners’ do all the work.  The flip side to this is that sexually aggressive femmes are viewed with a sense of alarm if not outright amazement.  I have had many experiences with this myself in that the women I approached were very surprised to learn that for the most part I identify as a sexual top who is mostly stone.  That is to say I am more comfortable in giving sexual affection and attention than I am in receiving it.  For me, when I came out, the book Stone Butch Blues had a strong resonance for me because while I am femme identified my choice of sexual expression with women as a stone sexual top.  The book  helped me realize that one of the reasons that I was a sexual top was because of the amount of vulnerability that it took to be a sexual bottom wasn’t something that I was comfortable with.  That is until I met my wife…hee hee.  

  Another thing that helped me was finally getting in touch with other femme sexual top.  This was monument for me because I was finally able to talk with other femme identified women with similar sexual preferences and that was very freeing an empowering. 


  The interesting thing here is that when I finally met eve, I had had five y ears’ of really bad sex.  Lemma say it, five years of really bad sex.  I knew that there was good sex out there, and I knew people were having good sex, and I knew that I was going to get me some.  So when Eve and I started seeing each other, I had absolutely no baggage about being on the receding side of sexual gratification.  It wasn’t until much later when I was sent the memo that I shouldn’t be so public about receiving sex from Eve that I actually first had to think about how I was being as a butch who was open about receiving sexual pleasure from their femme.  But even after I was informed of this, the sex has been so mind blowing and has remained mind blowing, that there was no way that I going to stop bragging. 

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