Taking Stock

This is the time of the year that I love. For me, this is the time for  self reflection, it is a real chance to look back and see what I have accomplished, how have I changed, what is new in my life and what has been let go. It is a chance to clearly see what has gotten better, what hasn’t, what I want to do, what I wanted to do and if my goals are still relevant  where I want to  go  in  life.  Have I become more of who I want to be?  Has who I want to be changed? Am I surrounding myself by people that make me better, that challenge me, that want what is best for me, and let me do all of those things for them? This yearly self assessment is a hard thing, but a good thing, it helps me mark the time and take stock of my life.

So  today as I sit here looking out a new window, prepping for my next semester of school, after I have fed the horses the first of their two feeding for the day,  I can  say yea-  I think that this year was well  spent.  I am still kind of stunned by all that has changed, over the last four months especially.

 I started school, bought a new house, got married, started the Albuquerque Masters Group, and have gone from  “ohh shit” poor to  “ok we can negotiate poor” ( that is a huge step  up BTW).  I am  still trying to  wrap  my head around all of the people that came out of the wood work  for us,  who  selflessly donated their  their time, effort , energy, money, thoughts, and sweat to  get us where we are. 

As with all things, some relationships that I have are stronger than ever. Powerful, loving, hot, sexy and overwhelmingly beautiful. Other relationships are slowing down, taking a hiatus, or restructuring to become other things. This healthy, and good. As people change and grow sometimes that growth is in the same area, or the same way, and other times, the growth is very different, but the people are able to use that to push each other and support each other creating a wonderful intensity. Sometimes it means that you become very different people and that might mean time apart as people figure out what they can reasonably to do with someone who has changed so much. Sometimes the relationship is salvageable, sometimes it isn’t. Although the concept feels simple I put it out there because the living of it is very much so the opposite.  Change and grow many times means the death of current relationships and it means choosing between your own growth and happiness and your acceptance.  

A lot of times we view this as people coming out as gay, or kinky, or trans, but not always. Sometimes it means that the person just gets more confidence, or that they start doing things that make them happy, or they change how they think. It can be that simple and complex at the same time, and because of these changes they have to leave people behind to ensure that they can continue to grow.

In my life I have moved  -  I think -  38 times now-  and there has been  one thing that has given  me years of comfort- it is the understanding that  more often than  not, people are transitory. They come and go in your life as your needs and growth change. When someone is lucky the people in their life are comfortable with them changing and growing, and those changes strengthen their relationships, but most times, it just doesn’t work like that. The good news is that you don’t have to stop growing because the people around you won’t support that growth, there will be others. There will be more support; there will be more love, more laughter, and best of all- your growth will allow that to happen without compromising you. 

So as I ask myself these questions at this point in my life, I will also ask them of you:

What did you do this year to become of a more self defined, stronger, better person?

Who are you surrounded by that strengthens you, and is not threatened by your growth and instead pushes you to be more and better?

Next year when 2014 comes to a close what do you want to be able to say about yourself that is different then what you can say now?

Happy New Year everyone, and may your blessings be as large and fruitful as your dreams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5B6rVucS24A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8FBFLMOrnw

And this one that inspires me to  cry everytime:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz1N8W8phec