I do not “become more” by making her “feel less.”

I am writing this on Sunday. It is the day after the AEL play party.  Today is a “just one thing” day. I am so overwhelmed and tired that I am going to pick just one thing to do and make that one thing happen.

 I have been foaming at the mouth all week about going to AEL. I love the parties, the hosts are spectacular, and the play is mmmmmmmm. Plus my slave and I really need that concentrated time for each other.   

And then it happened. 

About 8:30am Saturday morning I started to get phone calls from a new patient of mine. It is my day off, but when people are new to service I don’t mind taking the calls. That however steamrolled into me working from 8:30am-3pm. Right at 3 my slave had a consultation with a new client. And that went until 5. At 5:30.  We were both so tired that thinking hurt. 

At 6:30 we were supposed to start getting ready for the party, and I couldn’t move my ass off the couch. Forget play- I am not sure I knew my own name. 

OK- that was the preempt. 

What I really want to talk about is the concept that “a powerful slave somehow detracts from the Master”. What made me think about this are the clients that my slave has.  When she wanted to start working on herbs I supported her fully. That support wasn’t just lip service, I also asked her about her progress often, sometimes several times in one day, and gave her budgets as money allowed.   That support has continued through other explorations of body soaps, lotions, oils, and so on. I have always wanted her to be successful, to feel success and to know that she is completely capable. My slave having a sense of pride, self worth, determination, and ability outside of our relationship is really important to me. 

There are Masters out there that really believe and emotionally get off on making their slaves feel less then, diminished, incapable, and unworthy. I have talked to some. I understand the thought process. It is about making the Master the core of the slave’s universe. 

The slave is less than the Master and they need to feel that to their soul. The slave is diminished not just in  the presence of their Master but in  service to  their Master.  The slave is incapable and needs to depend on their Master for their next instruction. The slave is unworthy unless the Master decides otherwise and rewards the slave with their time, attention, or play. 

So here is my conflict with that opinion. I am not intimidated by my slave’s power. My feeling of empowerment through my Mastery although connected to her submission is not connected to her inability to grow, act, or make good choices.  I do not “become more” by making her “feel less.” It is exactly the opposite. I grow stronger in my Mastery the stronger and more self assured she grows. I do not get my own feelings of self worth from her being diminished. In fact it is her empowerment that makes me feel pride in her submission. 

So although I understand the thought process, it is my firm belief that this emotional need is deeply rooted in a Master that is insecure. They have a need for others to fail so that they can feel empowered and successful. 

I believe that this type of Master is the most dangerous kind, because those words- when only spoken - make some sort of sense. People can kind of sit back and go “yea, I can see that” the slave empowers the Master by being in the shadows.

But those words when put into practice make a totally different game. 

So, have you ever had a boss that would take credit for your ideas, tell you one thing, then when you completed  that thing the boss would go  off because  is not what they wanted,  or insist that you constantly do things not because they need them, but because they can ask  you to  do  them?

Now take that into the bedroom, into BDSM, into the relationship where you are the most bare, the most raw and exposed, where you are incorporating how you think about yourself, your life, and your abilities. 

Then ask yourself “what would be left of the self?”

Then ask yourself “how would this then spill over to your vanilla life?”

Then ask yourself “when was the last time you watched porn?”

The third question is just for fun, but also a PSA for you to watch more porn.