And then I had this thing happen. Like an "aha" moment.
I was at Porn-a-topia the night that my slave was performing. There was a discussion of what happens when someones sex drive drops, and how do they get it back. The discussion was really good. And it got me thinking about so much of what is going on in my life right now.
And even though things are different, I am finding that my coping skills are not changing. I find myself driving myself just as hard as I was before and using community service to buffer dealing with "me" and "my life".
So what I finally realized is that I am changing, and that my community engagement has in some places taken priority over my home engagement.
But I think that my community service has to be balanced out with my life more constructively.
Right now my community service needs to take a back burner as I struggle with getting my head on right, with re engaging in the woman in my life that gives it meaning, with the animals, and with the home that I am lovingly surrounded by.
It will have to be done in small steps. To be endeavored in a way that I know that I can not just do but continue. I know that I won’t be able to do it all at once.
But I am taking on small things at home as I can.
It will be a journey and not a destination.