I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+us
I am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information! The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!
If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:
If you are interested in active online community please find:
Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:
Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers
Albuquerque Master/slave forum
New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More
Saturday, June 18, 2016
The road seems too long
I don’t know how to talk about this. I don’t know how to feel. When it first happened my very advanced slave was in shock, but quickly regained her emotional side and she started to grieve. I, on the other hand, ignored it, stuffed it. And sure as shit like clockwork my anger, fear, and pain started coming out in inappropriate ways.
I was angry at work for no reason, frustrated for nothing, I was sullen and withdrawn and finally yesterday the real anger came to the surface. I was snappish and dark. I am not like my slave in many ways, one of which is that she is in touch with how she feels. For me, when it is too deep, too painful- I can’t always deal right away.
So this is how I am trying to deal with how I am not letting myself feel --- through this- through writing.
I don’t know how successful I will be.
The first thing that I think is that the shootings at Pulse in Orlando, a club that not only opened when we were there, but we had gone to, makes me feel so deeply isolated from the rest of the world. It is the reminder of how hated my slave and I are, how different we are, and will always be.
The false sense of safety is shattered. I have not wanted my slave to go out. To be a target.
I know that the straights are really trying to be allies. I know you are. So please don’t take what I am writing the wrong way. Because this isn’t about you- although your allegiance with me, with us, has enriched our lives beyond measure.
The queer leadership in Albuquerque has been phenomenal. They have been putting on dances and vigils since it happened. They have show how we can still come together.
Tonight is the AEL play party. I don’t know how am going to keep it together. Being around people.
I’m feeling like I want to stay at home, love on my horses, keep my wife and slave safe and try to not feel too much.
Pulse opened in 2004. My slave and I were in Florida at the time. I remember Pulse distinctly because the club we all went to “Faces” ( which was where my slave and I met) was concerned about losing business to the new, young, and instantly popular hangout. We went to Pulse together and sometimes my slave went without me. It was a huge space, well taken care of and owned by a woman who had lost her bother a decade earlier to AIDS.
I am struggling dealing with not feeling safe, and being easily triggered, and easily upset.
I spent time with the horses today. Grooming them, talking, it helped.
Tonight at AEL will help to, in its own way.
I am sorry that I am not more- together- literate- or intentional with what I am saying.
I think that what I am trying to say most of all is as much as violence is a daily part of being gay, I thought that after we got the federal right to marry, that something would have changed.