Loving Questions

I am very fortunate to teach classes at Self Serve.  I keep a part at the end where I hand out paper and a pen, so that people can ask questions anonymously. Just in case there was something that they really wanted to know, but where to self conscious or afraid to  ask. Here are some of the questions that I have been asked over the years. They come from different classes. 

1) Can we laugh together?

(This was most likely from  a find your inner Dominant class,  where I ask people to  access the part of them  that wants something and to  ask  for it without any misgivings, apologies,  or fear. For some this can very hard. It isn’t where people will stay, but it does a lot to access the dominate side of themselves in that moment.)  

Yes, laugh, please laugh. Let your dominance be multifaceted. Remember this is ultimately about finding and loving new parts of each other, and with laughter you can almost never go wrong.

2) How to assess/assert bringing pain?

First off, know that everyone is different, so each new play partner will be a new road map, and although general rules apply, not every rule applies to every person. Some may be able to take pain and not want it, others may not be able to take pain and want it. Start slow and build gradually. Feel your comfort zone and talk and talk and talk.  Learn how to identify changes in the skin, changes in the partner, and over time build skill it every tool you use.

3) What is the difference between using restraints and not?

For some restraints lead to instant sub space, and for others they are sensory overload and/or a trigger.  Some Domes love them; others don’t bother and want the psychological restraint instead.  There are many different types of restraints, some work on some people and some don’t. Play with them, but start with something that you have around the house before you go into buying a set of cuffs, as they can be expensive. Anything will work from  extension cords,  to  a belt,  to (I know,  don’t gag) scarves. Make sure to keep emergency  MEDICAL scissors by your side. (They have blunted ends.)

4) Is it possible to have a true D/s relationship with a brat?

Yes. But not with me.  People are able to have D/s relationships with brats and find them very fulfilling. I am not one o f those people.

5) Is a “D” type who bottoms looked at negatively?

That is hard to say. What I do know is that there isn’t as a hard limit as it was years ago, where D types that bottomed where run out of the community.  But D types that do not identify as switches that bottom publicly are treated defiantly.  It is subtle but it is there.

6) How to address affection to a sub?

Every sub is different; first off ask the sub what type of affection speaks to them. Verbal, physical, a gift, a nickname, a swat on the butt? Because we all interpret emotional intake differently, you could think that you are being affectionate and they interpret it as annoying or needy.  Talk first, clarify, get answers before you assume.