Leather Families Part One of Three

Lately I have been having a lot of conversations about leather families. What do they look like? How do you get into one/start one? What does it mean? These are great questions for a tradition that is quickly fading within a vast culture that is more inundated with kink then leather.  As the kink component starts to have a greater and stronger voice in BDSM, some of the leather traditions are being set aside for a new and different way of doing things. 

I am thrilled to see some of these changes; they need to happen to make room for growth and new ideas. But on the other hand, as the things that I have treasured and loved about my leather path become less common, it is sad to see these traditions disappear so quickly. It will soon become one of those things that “used to be.” Like what happened with “Old Guard” leather. 

It is the reality of time that those that lived Old Guard have mostly passed on, and with their loss goes the realities of their traditions. Old Guard was not the beginning of leather. It was however, the beginning of leather in print for the US.  More significantly, it was print about us, told BY us, and made available to us in mass.  We owned those stories, and as what tends to happen, stories became history. Our printed stories became our understood reality.  I am not saying that there isn’t some reality in those stories. What I am saying is that the non-fictional pieces told by those that came before us, where just that: non-fiction.  Which as we all know is different than the real and true lives lived. 

 I know that I am going to get back lash here, as I am not old enough, or gay male enough to know what I am talking about. I concede to all of those things. I am not old enough or gay male. What I can say is that in the gay male BDSM culture how leather is looked at is completely different then how I see it.

To use one of all my time favorite quotes from the movie JFK: Mr. X says “Oh, don't take my word for it, don't believe me. Do your own work, your own thinking.”

Let’s talk current leather families.  As in what is going on in our community right now. 

Leather families are extremely varied. They can have a single head or many heads. They can have a lateral or pyramid structure. Basically any kind of structure that works for the people that forms them.

Here is a simplified diagram of my leather family:

A----A-----a----A---AA

l        ll               l

a       aa             a

You may notice that the primary structure of my family is lateral. That is became we are all equals here. You may also notice that one individuals submissive is not a submissive to the group. IE.

My slave is not my brother’s slave. 

I find this family structure works well for me for multiple reasons. One, it pushes me to learn and grow.  We all challenge each other, my brother’s girl challenges me as much as my brother.