I'm OK, You're OK, thats not OK

 I suppose I can wrap my head around just about anything,  but that doesn't mean that my heart will follow, or that I will ever be able to reconcile the two.  There are those things for all of us-  those things that we can look at and say  "well, OK, maybe",  but still leave us shaking our heads and walking away.

These are those things for me.  Those things that I can kind of say  "well, OK, maybe",  but the reality for me is that I will most likely never understand,  and honestly, there is a part of me that doesn't even want to.

I know that there are lesbians that are owned only by men and loaned out to single males or heterosexual couples for the man’s use.

 I can understand in my head that this is a lesbian identified woman with a fetish for having sex with men, however that plays out.

 But in my heart I cannot get around the feeling that when they do this they compromise the safety of the rest of us.  Women that choose to identify as lesbian as a selling point and then only have sex with men make the rest of us seem “turnable” by the already entitled male culture.  The bragging that then occurs by the men that have fucked the "lesbian” turns my stomach and makes me ill. But more importantly it makes me look at my front door with a little more apprehension about what I am going to meet on the other side. 

 I know that there are people that play with concepts of race and religious persecution.  

I can understand in my head that the people that play in those ways are people that obtain an emotional, sexual, physical, and psychological release that can only occur when they delve into those types of play. Being a practitioner of race play, I understand that need personally. 

 But in my heart these things need to be left to the privacy of the home. Taking this into public feeds, validates,   and encourages the already growing racist and anti-Semitic culture that has found a home in current BDSM. 

In my head I can understand the tri-fec-ta of power that a Dominant can use to take control of a submissive.   

One: creating financial chaos to create an unbalanced home life.  Two: Giving and taking away emotional support to create submission. 

Three:  convincing the submissive that they are superior to the community while simultaneously being a victim of it. This creates isolation of the submissive as well as develops a need for the submissive to somehow protect the Dominant from the community that treated has them so badly.

In my head I understand that these three things will bring just about any submissive to their knees.

 In my heart it is not dominance, it is abuse.

I can understand a lot of things in my head, given enough time.

 But honestly even though I say the words   "well, it is their kink.”   Or “obviously it works for them.” It doesn’t stop that feeling of getting punched in the stomach when I see these things. Of feeling angry, and scared and compromised and a questioning as to where are we really going as a BDSM culture?

There is a repeated history that happens when an entire culture encourages homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism, and abuse.  It is ugly, it is violent, and it is insidious.

I suppose there are those things that we all fight to understand in our brains and reconcile in our hearts.  Sometimes we get there, sometimes we don’t.

And sometimes-  maybe – just maybe-  we shouldn’t.